DEAR ABBY: I'm a 17-year-old girl. Last weekend I lost my virginity in the back seat of a stranger's car. I feel guilty about it and I haven't told anyone. I'm not sure if he has.

I need some advice on whether I should be making a big deal out of it, or just ignore it and move on. -- ANXIOUS IN OHIO

DEAR ANXIOUS: Please don't ignore it. You treated your first time like it was something casual, and that is sad. It is a "big deal," not only because of what it indicates about your level of self-esteem, but also because you don't know whether you have been exposed to an STD. Did the boy use a condom?

Mature girls know to protect themselves when engaging in sexual activity. It is important that you be checked by a gynecologist for STDs and learn about effective birth control. If you don't have a doctor you can confide in, Planned Parenthood can help you.

DEAR ABBY: I find myself in an interesting situation that I never thought could happen. I'm a 43-year-old gay male who had an extremely difficult time coming out when I was 19. My parents weren't initially supportive, but things did get better down the line.

I have had zero luck at any long-term gay relationships, but as I get older, my sex drive has diminished, and I think I'd be happy with a female companion -- if sex wasn't a factor. What should I do? -- INTERESTING CONDITION IN TEXAS

DEAR CONDITION: Gay men marrying straight women is not an unheard-of phenomenon, and neither are marriages in which sex is not a part of the picture. It could work out well if you find someone with common interests and a high level of compatibility -- as long as the lady clearly understands that you are gay and doesn't harbor the fantasy that she can "change" you.

DEAR ABBY: My friends often come to me for advice. It could be anything -- relationship, family, self-harm or bullying. It's usually something I don't know how to deal with and don't have experience with. I try to say words of encouragement like, "It'll be OK. Ignore it. Think on the bright side. Don't be so hard on yourself."

I know these are things they have heard before and will ignore, but I don't know what else to say or do. These people are more outgoing than I am, so I guess it makes them targets. Abby, what can I do? -- D. IN KANSAS

DEAR D.: It's all right to be encouraging, but when someone asks for advice you know you're not qualified to give, you should be upfront, admit it, and suggest the person talk to an adult. This is particularly important when the problem concerns things like self-harm or bullying, which may need an intervention.

DEAR ABBY: May I comment on your response to "Got Here First in Pennsylvania" (Jan. 7), who asked whether someone sitting at the end of a church pew should move if someone comes and says it's his or her "favorite seat"?

There are many reasons why people remain sitting at the end of a pew: an allergy to perfumes can be overwhelming if you're sitting in the middle of a row; claustrophobia; weak bladder; physical limitations; the need for more leg room; and the need to use the armrest to stand up and sit down.

The early bird does get the worm and shouldn't be expected to give it to latecomers. Likewise, possession is nine-tenths of the law.

If people have a favorite seat, they should arrive early to ensure they'll get it. That's what we do. And when someone wants to sit in the same pew, we smile, step aside and let the person in while retaining our end seats. -- OVERLAND PARK, KAN., ATTENDEE

DEAR ATTENDEE: Thank you for making your strongly stated case. When I told "Got Here" to be an angel and shove over, readers were quick to offer me "chapter and verse":

DEAR ABBY: I'm 6 feet 2 inches, weigh 350 pounds and have size 15 feet. I am not the guy you would want to have to crawl over, or have crawl over you in church.

When sitting at the end of the pew, I can easily step into the aisle to let people in and out. I also take a medication that causes me to use the restroom often and on short notice. Again, I can easily move about without worrying about trampling some little old lady.

I arrive early and take my end seat not to be rude, but to make things as convenient as possible for others. -- DOUG B. IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR ABBY: As a pastor, I believe good behavior should come first and foremost from church members who respect others and don't insist on their own way. Nobody "owns" a seat in the sanctuary. As creatures of habit, we tend to sit where we usually sit. If someone else happens to be there, we simply find somewhere else.

If "Got Here" was just starting to visit that church, I'd suggest he/she find a more charitable and hospitable congregation and leave those territorial folks behind. -- JEANNE IN AUSTIN

DEAR ABBY: How can you say that one person, in the house of God, is more right than another in this situation? Is the shovee not committing the sin of coveting that seat? -- MISSOULA, MONT., READER

DEAR ABBY: If you are first to arrive at an empty pew, take a place in the middle. Thus later arrivals won't have to climb over you. It's common courtesy! -- PAT IN BLOOMFIELD, MO.

DEAR ABBY: Having worked in a fire department for many years, I always sit at the end of the pew. That way I won't have to knock over any fellow parishioners when my pager goes off! -- LOUIE IN SOMERSET, OHIO

DEAR ABBY: I have known "Dean" for 10 years. We have been living together for two. Since the beginning, he has struggled with depression, anxiety and anger issues. Occasionally he has explosive episodes where he'll throw things and punch or kick inanimate objects.

Recently things escalated. He was angry with himself after getting angry with me for disturbing his "process" while making dinner, and he threw a potted plant across the room.

I'm not an idiot. I know these are serious issues. Every friend or family member of mine who knows him believes he's a good guy deep down. But they all tell me to leave him. I talked with him after the incident. He called a therapist, set up an appointment and has promised he won't drink anymore.

I'm struggling with the judgment I'm feeling from my friends and family. Dean is a man I see a future with, and I don't want to give him up when he's finally seeking treatment. My friends are concerned about me getting hurt, either in the crossfire or when I try to stop him from hurting himself. Am I an idiot for not walking away? -- NOT READY TO WALK

DEAR NOT READY: If all your family and friends are worried about your physical safety, for your own sake, you may have to stop trying to save Dean and concentrate on yourself for a while.

He may have many fine qualities, and the fact that he is willing to seek help for his explosive temper says a lot for him. That's why I'm suggesting you and Dean pay a visit to his therapist together and ask whether it would be better if you live apart until he learns to recognize and manage his "triggers." It may give him the incentive to work harder on his problems -- because it appears he has more than a few to deal with.

DEAR ABBY: Recently my 11-year-old son, "Jackson," was at a neighbor's house playing with another boy a few years younger. The boy told my son he plays with him only because his parents make him, and he said he isn't Jackson's friend and never wanted to be.

Jackson came home upset, and I was heartbroken for him. I comforted him and told him at least the boy was honest. I advised Jackson to find another friend to play with.

I'm at a loss on what to do next, if anything. Do I talk to the parents? Or just let it go? Friendship shouldn't be forced, but my heart aches for my son. Please give me some advice. -- MAMA BEAR IN ILLINOIS

DEAR MAMA BEAR: Tell the parents what happened if they ask again for Jackson to come over. While children say all kinds of things in the heat of the moment, it would be better for your son if you found some other activities for him -- group activities involving sports or science or the arts -- for at least a while.

While it's understandable your neighbor's son may resent being forced to play with Jackson, it is equally understandable that Jackson might be reluctant at this point to have anything more to do with him. Don't push it.