DEAR ABBY: What do you say when someone has been raped? I have a friend whose granddaughter was brutally raped and left for dead. I have asked a few questions about how she is doing and receive only cursory answers in response.

I know this incident has caused great sadness within this family. What do I say? What do I do? I am at a loss for words, and don't know how to help. Any advice you can offer would be greatly appreciated. -- STYMIED IN ARIZONA

DEAR STYMIED: You have shown your concern by asking. It should be clear to you that your friend is not comfortable discussing the family tragedy in detail. Now drop the subject, because sometimes being at a loss for words is a good thing. When your friend is comfortable talking about it, he/she will do it without prompting.

DEAR ABBY: This past week I read to the students at a local grammar school. I read to kindergarteners, second- and fourth-graders. The children were great, quiet and attentive. They asked insightful questions about the stories.

The teachers, on the other hand, were a disappointment. They dressed the way I dress when I work in the yard -- jeans and T-shirts. What an unprofessional image they presented to these youngsters! They missed a wonderful opportunity to be a positive example of women in the workforce by displaying a total disregard for their appearance or the impact they have on young minds. -- SAD TO SEE IN NEVADA

DEAR SAD: I, too, remember when teachers dressed more formally in the classroom. But that was then and this is now. On the bright side, one would hope that teachers gain the respect and affection of their students less on how they look and more on the love of learning they are able to instill.

DEAR ABBY: I recently took two days off from work to stay home with a cold. When I returned to work, a co-worker started commenting on how I might be contagious. Then during our lunch break, she commented that she didn't want me to sit next to her "because she didn't want to get sick." I told her there were plenty of other seats if she preferred to sit elsewhere, and sarcastically thanked her for making me feel "welcomed."

She continues to bring it up and is now pushing everyone to use hand sanitizer and sanitize their work areas. I'm offended. I think it's rude. A couple of co-workers are now sick with similar symptoms. Is she being rude, or am I oversensitive? And how should I respond? -- OFFENDED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR OFFENDED: Your co-worker isn't rude; she's a germaphobe and with good reason. If everyone was careful to use hand sanitizer and sanitize their workstations and shared surfaces -- door knobs, light switches, lunchroom equipment -- there would be fewer individuals taking sick days. In a case like this, you should stop being defensive. The best way to respond to the woman is not to respond at all.

DEAR ABBY: We have enjoyed an international dinner club with three other couples for many years. Besides an international theme, we occasionally have other theme dinners. The host couple chooses the country and is responsible for the main course. Another couple brings an associated entree, the third couple brings dessert and the fourth couple provides the wine. We rotate responsibilities so we host only once every four months.

We have become close friends over many memorable meals together, sharing pregnancy announcements, child rearing, graduations, weddings and anniversaries.

I think a "Dear Abby" dinner would be fun to host, and I'd love to plan a meal around your cookbooks. Would you please advise how this avid reader might get copies? -- CHEF MIKE IN CANADA

DEAR CHEF MIKE: I know a Dear Abby dinner party would be enjoyable, because readers have written to tell me they've hosted one, and it made for an interesting and fun evening. The recipes are traditional, easy to read, simple to prepare and delicious.

As I mentioned to a reader from Little Rock who inquired about the booklet, one hostess described decorating her place cards with appliqued hearts and tiny flowers. She created a centerpiece by making a "bouquet" of envelopes addressed to Dear Abby.

Another woman copied questions from past columns, printed them out and made them into a party game, instructing her guests to supply the answers. She said that after a few glasses of wine, some of the answers they came up with were hilarious, but not suitable for printing in a family newspaper.

My cookbooklet set contains more than 100 tasty recipes ranging from soups to salads, appetizers, main courses and desserts. The recipes can also be used for holiday celebrations and other special occasions. To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $14 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. My mother used many of these recipes for dinner parties, and so have I. I particularly recommend the Pecan Pie recipe -- which has been printed in this column before because it has taken prizes at county fairs. It was given to Mama by the chef at the now-demolished Phoenix Hotel in Lexington, Kentucky, and people rave about it.

DEAR ABBY: Folks always tell me that gals like to be wooed, but when I holler "woo" at them, they give me dirty looks. What's up with that? -- ABBY FAN FROM TWITTER

DEAR FAN: Decades ago, "gals" would have been flattered. But since the women's movement, many females would regard your attempt to be friendly as a form of sexual harassment rather than a compliment. Instead of "hollering," try saying hello and you may get better results.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced mother of four. I have been single for three years, since my ex chose an affair over our marriage. I am successful and manage my home and finances.

I am, however, struggling with pressure from my ex to get back together. He had several affairs during the 13 years we were married. The pain and self-loathing were unbearable for me. He hasn't changed. Yet he tells our 14-year-old son, "Jackson," that he still loves me and "wants only to be with me." He also told Jackson that he doesn't know why I have chosen to keep our family broken up.

I moved hundreds of miles to get away from this stress. I have a great job and a lovely home. My son stays mad at me, though. He has chosen to live with his dad, and when he visits he demands explanations for why I am not with them. It breaks my heart. I genuinely do not know what to tell him.

His father has already told him about the affairs, but says I should forgive him. Ironically, I do forgive him. I want my ex to have a beautiful life -- without me. What can a mother say to her son to help him understand that some things just won't mend? -- MOVED ON IN ALABAMA

DEAR MOVED ON: You would be doing your son a favor to tell him the truth. As it stands, he thinks that a husband having affairs is nothing serious because that's what his father has told him.

Now it's time to tell Jackson that his father didn't do this just once, he did it repeatedly. Explain that you tried forgiving him, and it only caused you more heartache. Tell your son you love him and you're sorry he's angry at you, but it's clear that his father isn't going to change. And that you would rather remain single than let him touch your body -- or your heart -- again.

If you do, it may teach Jackson that not all women will accept this kind of treatment and endlessly forgive. If you don't, he may follow his father's example and turn out just like dear old dad.

DEAR ABBY: I live in my parents' home. They are long-haul truck drivers and come home every eight weeks or so for a few days. I'm disabled and have a caregiver who comes four days a week.

When my parents stop in and the caregiver is here, they expect her to do for them. They keep four dogs on the truck they take with them and leave four dogs at home with me -- so that's eight dogs when they are here. I am extremely grateful for this home and I love them very much, but right now I feel like a house/dog-sitter.

My son has invited me to go on vacation with his family. Is it my responsibility to make arrangements for the dogs they have left here? I feel like a prisoner in my own home. -- HOUSE-SITTER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR HOUSE-SITTER: Because the dogs have been left in your keeping, the responsibility for assuring their safety and well-being in your parents' absence belongs to you. Ask your parents if they would mind a pet-sitter staying in the house when you vacation with your son, or if they would prefer the dogs be placed in a kennel.