DEAR ABBY: I was a full-time summer nanny for several years for the same family, now a preteen boy and girl. I loved them, had a great time on the job and have communicated with them occasionally through the years on birthdays and holidays. Eventually, I moved away for college and was no longer able to sit for them.

Both kids now are on Facebook, and I (foolishly) accepted their friend requests. I use Facebook to keep in touch with family members or for school group projects, so I am on only once or twice a week.

The girl messages me almost daily with "Hey" or similar short things. I am unable to dedicate time to this kind of interaction even within my own age group, but I feel bad leaving so many messages unanswered. What can I tell her? I'd love to catch up around holiday times like we used to, but I'd like to be left alone online. -- BUSY, BUSY IN CHICAGO

DEAR BUSY: As I see it, you have a choice: Tell her the truth, and explain it just as you have written to me, or contact her parents and have them explain it to her.

DEAR ABBY: My mom and dad are fighting and getting mad at each other a lot. I am trying my best to make them happy with each other, but nothing seems to work. They told me they would always be happy together, but it does not look like it right now. What do I do? -- NEEDING HELP IN FLORIDA

DEAR NEEDING HELP: I have heard from young readers who told me their greatest fear was that their parents would divorce. But sometimes there are worse things than being a child of divorce, and one of them is living in a household filled with tension and parents who constantly argue and fight.

You are not the cause of their unhappiness, and you cannot "fix" what's wrong in their marriage. Although you might wish to be the peacemaker, you must accept that it is not your responsibility. A marriage counselor might be able to help them iron out their differences, but the person to suggest it should be another adult; if possible, it should be a relative.

DEAR ABBY: I am a public school teacher with an etiquette question. I receive gifts at class parties that occur at Christmas, Valentine's Day and the end of the year. When I do, I respond with a written thank-you note a few days later.

However, during the course of the year, I also receive thank-you cards for being a child's teacher, tutor or club sponsor. Many times these thank-you cards contain gift cards. If I open it in front of the giver, I always give a verbal thank-you, but is it required to write a thank-you for a thank-you? -- WANTS TO DO IT RIGHT

DEAR WANTS TO DO IT RIGHT: A thank-you for a thank-you is not required. However, a thank-you that's accompanied by a gift should be acknowledged with a written note.

DEAR ABBY: I just realized I'm six weeks pregnant. I have always wanted to start a family and raise children with my fiance, but I have a big problem. I am an alcoholic and have been struggling with this issue for a few years. I don't know the effect this could have on my baby, but I know it isn't good. My fiance also drinks a lot, and our home situation isn't the greatest for a child because of it.

What can I do that would be helpful in my circumstances? I don't want to put my baby's life at risk. I tried AA in the past, but was unsuccessful. I'm afraid I'm destroying my family before it is started. -- TRAINWRECK IN VIRGINIA

DEAR TRAINWRECK: You are right to be concerned. If you plan to have this baby, it's important that you find a gynecologist and quit drinking IMMEDIATELY! If you can't find the strength to do it for yourself, then do it for the sake of your little one.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention:

"There is no safe time to drink alcohol during pregnancy. Alcohol can cause problems for the developing baby throughout pregnancy, including before a woman knows she is pregnant. Drinking alcohol in the first three months of pregnancy can cause the baby to have abnormal facial features. Growth and central nervous system problems (e.g., low birth weight, behavioral problems) can occur from drinking alcohol anytime during pregnancy. The baby's brain is developing throughout pregnancy and can be affected by exposure to alcohol at any time.

"If a woman is drinking alcohol during pregnancy, it is never too late to stop. The sooner a woman stops drinking, the better it will be for both her baby and herself."

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my girlfriend, "Kendra," for four years. We're ready to take our relationship to the next level, but I'm starting to have second thoughts because of her mother. To put it simply, she's not a nice woman, and she doesn't have any friends. Her husband died a few years ago, which makes her very much alone. Her only social life is Kendra.

Abby, she thinks of me as a threat to their relationship, and she's trying everything in her power to break us up. She says negative things about me to Kendra and she's rude to me at all times. She says she will not give us her blessing if we decide to marry.

Because we live only 10 minutes from her and have no possibility of moving farther away, is it possible to have a healthy marriage with such a "cancer" in our lives? Or would our marriage be doomed from the start? Do I stay or do I go? -- UNSURE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR UNSURE: Unfortunately, no one can make this decision for you. Much depends upon whether Kendra can recognize how unhealthy her relationship with her mother is and distance herself emotionally. While love can conquer almost everything, unless she can do that, and not allow herself to feel guilty for being happy, marriage to Kendra could be like competing in a marathon with one foot encased in a barrel of cement. I'm not saying don't do it, but pointing out that if you do, it will be a challenge.

DEAR ABBY: I am responding to "Tired of Talking to Myself" (Feb. 13), whose husband's ears slam shut when she begins to speak. This is not a problem that's exclusive to men. Women do it as well. As a retired PA (physician's assistant), when talking with patients, I would refer to it as selective hearing loss.

"Tired" needs to look at her own behavior because I have never seen one partner be the only guilty one. My wife can hear the ticking of the turn signal that wasn't turned off, but she doesn't always hear my questions or statements.

There are many reasons why it happens, but the way to resolve it is to listen when your partner talks to you. If you do, you will find that he/she returns the courtesy. Perhaps if "Tired" gives a closer look to her own behavior, she'll stop referring to it as a male problem. -- FRANK IN PORTLAND, TEXAS

DEAR FRANK: Thanks for your letter. When I asked readers for input, they heard me loud and clear and gave me an "earful":

DEAR ABBY: Focus is a strength for many men like me. I am a little hard of hearing and need to focus on what I am listening to. If you want open ears, hold my hands and make sure I am looking at your face. You will now have my attention. Tell me what you want from me. I want you to be happy and will do what I can for you. -- A LITTLE HARD OF HEARING (CHUCK)

DEAR ABBY: Some researchers say women speak about 13,000 more words a day than men do. There's a joke that explains it's because we have to say everything twice! -- JENNY IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABBY: Men have no patience. They only want to hear a brief, straight-to-the-point version. Women tend to tell the story from beginning to end with every detail explained so nothing is misunderstood. When men hear us talk, they will say all they hear is blah, blah, blah. "Tired," if you try to be patient and use the abridged version, maybe communication will get easier with fewer repeats. -- HEIDI IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: I wonder what kind of things she's saying to him. There's a saying I have found to be true: "Men marry women and hope they never change. Women marry men and hope they will change."

I have been married for 35 years and recently my wife has started pointing out every little thing I do that she thinks I should do differently. I have reached the point that when she starts one of her observations, I say, "Could you add it to your list and put it somewhere?" and that's the end of the conversation. Nit-picking does not make for a great marriage. -- TIM IN ARIZONA

DEAR ABBY: There are three words men always respond to: sex, food and money -- not always in that order. Use one of those words when talking to them and you'll always get a response. -- BETH IN THE SOUTH