DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law and her live-in boyfriend, "Bud," get together with us for dinner and outings. We enjoy each other's company, but over the last couple of years he has been making disparaging remarks on the subject of politics. We do not belong to the same political party, and his remarks make our blood boil.

Bud knows we belong to the other party, but continues his barrage peppered with profanity. It's impossible to have an intelligent debate with him before the cursing starts spewing out. A difference of opinion is tolerated, but when it's laced with profanity it becomes hard to swallow. My husband feels the same way.

I would tell Bud to head south as far as he can go, were it not for my sister-in-law's feelings. (She's pretty close to my husband.) I thought it better not to say anything during these dressing-downs, but I don't know how much longer I can keep my mouth shut without blasting him. How should I handle this? -- READY TO BLOW IN IDAHO

DEAR READY TO BLOW: You and your husband should pick up the phone and call your sister-in-law. Tell her that as much as you love her and Bud, the political discussions have gotten out of hand, and therefore, there will be no more discussions about politics when you get together. Period. If Bud starts in, your husband should not take the bait. You are both to say, "We'll never agree on this, so let's change the subject."

DEAR ABBY: After 12 years of marriage, my husband and I finally have our first child, a little girl. Yes, I was very happy to have a child on the way, but I was also very depressed. My OB/GYN had to put me on anti-depression medication for it. I felt that only family should know and, while I was pregnant, my husband went along with it.

But now, if someone asks about my pregnancy or jokes about us having a second child, he will tell them he's not sure because during my pregnancy I was depressed. When I ask him please not to tell people about it, he says, "Why not? You have nothing to be ashamed of." How can I get him to understand that for me, it's not about shame but privacy? -- NEW MOM IN LOUISIANA

DEAR NEW MOM: While I agree that depression is nothing to be ashamed of, I also agree with you that some things should be kept private -- and your medical history is one of them. Perhaps your husband would understand if you analogize it with a man using Viagra. While he might use the little blue pill with abandon, many men would prefer folks to assume they didn't need the pharmaceutical assistance.

DEAR ABBY: My in-laws are fabulous. They love me and think the world of our 2-year-old daughter, "Hayley." They do anything to support us.

Recently, they asked to take Hayley overnight and drive a number of places with her. My concern is the driving part. My father-in-law doesn't believe in car seats.

On a few occasions he has asked me to just hop in the car with Hayley without a car seat. I refused. Another time, they had a circa-1980 car seat and asked to take Hayley with them to church. When I went to put her in the seat, the buckles wouldn't work. When I reached over to the other side, the seat fell over. It wasn't even strapped in!

Now for my biggest fear: My mother-in-law is a notorious distracted driver -- she applies makeup, eats food, talks on the phone and texts. I am not comfortable with her taking Hayley in the car with her.

How do I approach this with them? I don't want to harm our relationship, and I'd like them to spend time with their grandchild independently. But I can't put my daughter in a dangerous situation. Any thoughts would be appreciated. -- FEARFUL MOM IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR FEARFUL MOM: Your fears appear to be well founded. Your "fabulous" in-laws cannot be trusted to transport your little girl.

My first thought was that you and your husband could buy them a car seat and have it installed. But if you can't trust your father-in-law to use it, or your mother-in-law to devote her full attention to her driving when her grandchild is in the car, then the child's safety must come first. As a mother, your job is to be conscientious, even if it makes you less popular. And your husband should back you up 100 percent.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is very affectionate. He loves to cuddle, snuggle and sweet-talk morning, noon and night. However, he doesn't do it with me -- he does it with our cats.

Don't get me wrong -- he's a good husband, and I get a quick hug and kiss goodbye when I leave for work in the mornings and he holds my hand when we walk. But when we go to bed at night, he turns his back to me, reaches behind him, pats me on the arm and says goodnight. There is no cuddling and no sweet-talk with me.

Sometimes I would like a little scratch behind my ears. We married late in life, so maybe the sex is out, but my late husband used to hold me and make me feel special. I'm only 62 and I can't imagine living this way for the rest of my life, but I love this man, so divorce is out. Any advice? -- "MEOW" IN OGDEN, UTAH

DEAR "MEOW": Was your husband like this before you married him? If so, did you accept his proposal thinking you could change him? If not, then it appears you have a serious communication problem.

If you haven't already, you need to tell him what you need in order to feel as loved and cherished as the cats. And if that doesn't work, you both need marriage counseling because I can't imagine you living the rest of your life starved for affection. As you said, you're only 62.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my 40s, happily married to my wife, and we have teenage daughters. My parents divorced when I was young and both have been remarried for years.

Over the past 10 years, Dad and his wife have developed a very close "friendship" with a woman I'll call "Bonnie." They bought homes next door to each other, travel together, and expect Bonnie to be included in all holiday events. Bonnie has never been married and has no kids, so my parents reason that she would be alone if she's not with them.

I am not fond of this woman and I don't like having to include her. My parents never ask if it's OK if she comes; they just started bringing her years ago and assume she's welcome. When I have brought up the subject, they got angry.

Our daughters ask how we're related to Bonnie. When I say she is Grandma and Grandpa's friend, they roll their eyes because it falls short of describing what is probably a three-way. I'm tired of the situation. What can I do? -- FED UP IN PHOENIX

DEAR FED UP: Let your daughters -- who are probably more worldly than either you or I -- come to their own conclusions about Grandma and Grandpa. Whether they have formed a triad is anybody's guess, but one thing is clear: They are a package deal. You might be happier if you concentrated less on what may (or may not) be going on between their sheets. The alternative would be to see your father, stepmother and this woman less often.

DEAR ABBY: My husband keeps all our financial information, be it bank accounts, statements, savings, investments, etc., away from me. He has been unemployed for more than three years and keeps telling me we need to economize, which I do.

When I ask him to let me know what our finances are, he tells me, "We're running out of money." He keeps everything a secret, and when I asked, "What if something terrible happens? What shall I do?" he said, "You will be informed." What kind of an attitude is that? He says he doesn't trust me with money because he thinks I'll spend it all.

We sold our house for more than a million dollars and I never saw a penny in my name, let alone a bank account. I don't have a job. I'm a full-time student right now. I'm concerned whether I should get a divorce. Your thoughts, Abby? -- IN THE DARK IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR IN THE DARK: It would be interesting to know where the money you and your husband are living on is coming from, and how your education is being financed.

It appears your husband is withholding financial information as a means of controlling you. I do think you should consult a lawyer, not necessarily to discuss a divorce, but to find out once and for all what your rights are as a wife in the state of New Jersey.