DEAR ABBY: My mother has Alzheimer's. She has been in a nursing home for 10 years. I feel sorry for her because she can't verbalize that her teeth are killing her, but I can see the pain in her face and hear her grind her teeth. When I asked her if her teeth hurt, she rubbed my arm up and down, which I took to mean yes. I asked for her to be seen by a doctor, but at this time we have to wait at least six weeks to see one.

Something I would like people to know is there is little dental care available in nursing homes. Because of improved dental care by the general public, many more people arrive in nursing homes with their teeth intact than they used to. This sounds good, but the problem is that patients often refuse to allow anyone to assist them with oral hygiene. Eventually they may become too frail to withstand the stress of surgery or other treatment that comes with failing teeth.

As I understand it, not many dentists are willing to shoulder the extra challenge of caring for this "difficult" population, or the red tape of getting paid for the care of patients in nursing homes.

It is very important to take care of our teeth as we age. Once we or our loved one enters a nursing home, we need to continue their dental hygiene to the best of our abilities. We can help overworked staff by encouraging our loved ones to brush and floss. Take them out for a checkup every six months.

I can't stand a toothache for a day. I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone, especially someone with Alzheimer's who cannot ask for help. I wish I had been more aware. Please let the public know how important this is. -- NANCY C. IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR NANCY: As you noted, people are keeping their teeth longer. We now know that a healthy mouth is important for good overall health, no matter what your age.

In addition to dentists, there are now dental hygienists in many states who can provide care for people in nursing homes and homebound patients. Some specialize in treating the developmentally disabled and "difficult" populations.

Specially licensed dental hygienists can provide services outside of the dental office in the states that allow it, and can refer the patient to a dentist for further service. In the United States, individual states determine the scope of practice for providers, which includes what types of services dental hygienists may provide in that state.

Several states are currently working to expand their oral care workforce and improve access to care -- in part to meet the growing aging population who are retaining their teeth. In West Virginia, dental hygienists are permitted to deliver care in nursing homes and a variety of other settings. If you have additional questions, the American Dental Hygienists' Association (adha.org) can provide further state-specific information on this subject.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband a little over a year. He's a wonderful man, but I feel he's a little too attached to his mother. She lives about 20 minutes away, and he wants to go visit her almost every day.

His mother is a very negative person. She isn't mean and we get along well, but her negativity is overwhelming. She finds joy in practically nothing and I always leave feeling agitated.

I have talked with my husband about this before and his response is, "That's how some old people are." I could put up with it a few times a week, but this everyday thing is wearing on me. How can I get my husband to understand how I'm feeling without hurting his mother's feelings? -- NO JOY IN TEXAS

DEAR NO JOY: You and your husband are married, not joined at the hip. If he wants to see his mother every day, that's fine. But you should not be obligated to go with him more than a couple of times a week if you don't want to. If he feels he needs to give her an explanation for your absence, he should tell her you are busy with things you need to do. It's polite, it's logical -- and I'm sure you will find errands or tasks with which to fill the time.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend has been meeting a group of diving friends in Mexico for more than 15 years. We are now a couple and this was my first year meeting everyone. There were two other couples and one female, "Connie," sharing the condo. The other couples had private bathrooms, and we shared the main bathroom with Connie.

I found it odd that Connie would leave the bathroom after showering with only a towel wrapped around her. My boyfriend would stay in the room or go out to the deck and read, yet she didn't hesitate to walk out to the patio and converse with him.

Is this socially acceptable or is it me? What can I say to her next year? I thought about buying her a bathrobe and giving it to her. I have also considered that my boyfriend and I could get a private room and stay in there until we know she's dressed. Really, she needs the private room, and I thought about paying for it, or should something just politely be said? -- NO PROPER WRAP

DEAR N.P.W.: Before doing anything, stop and analyze why you are so bothered by what Connie is doing. Do you think she is coming on to your boyfriend? Remember, these are all diving friends who have gotten together for a very long time before you were in the picture.

If he was interested in her, which I doubt, he wouldn't be with you. I do not think paying for another room for Connie would be appropriate. I do think you should get to know her better and, if you still feel threatened (which you may not), talk to your boyfriend about your feelings.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a teenager and I want to grow up fast. My boyfriend, "Jared," and I are very serious, and we want to have a baby. I know that sounds crazy, but we talk about it all the time and we're ready for it.

As much as I want all this, I'm afraid I won't be able to provide for the baby. I have been distant from Jared because I don't know how to tell him I'm not totally sure. He'll be disappointed after all we've discussed. I need to know what to do and say. I need answers. -- FUTURE YOUNG MOM IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR FUTURE YOUNG MOM: You and Jared may be intent on growing up fast, but believe me, having a child at your age is a guaranteed way to slow you down. Once a baby is here, the baby's needs will supersede yours until he or she is no longer a minor. You are wise to worry about how you will provide for any baby you bring into this world, and Jared should be doing the same thing.

If you make it out of high school -- many pregnant girls don't -- the kind of jobs you'll be prepared for won't pay much. If Jared suddenly discovers he isn't up to the responsibilities of fatherhood -- and believe me, it has happened many times -- you will have greater problems than telling your boyfriend you don't think you're ready to be a mother until you have at least a high school diploma.

DEAR ABBY: My younger brother is in junior high and he has autism. It is not severe. He's able to interact with others, but he's noticeably different from the other kids.

As he gets closer to entering high school, I am sure that if we don't tell him he has autism, someone at school will. I have mentioned this to my mother a couple of times, but she doesn't want to tell him. She's in denial and wants to ignore the situation like it's not even there.

Should I respect my mother's decision or push the subject more? -- GROUNDED IN REALITY

DEAR GROUNDED IN REALITY: Your brother probably already knows he is "different" -- and if he is high-functioning, I think he should know why, and it should be explained to him by one of your parents. However, whether your brother should be told is a decision -- at least for now -- that should be made by them.

Have you discussed your concerns with your father or any other adult relatives? If you haven't, I think you should, because they are valid.

DEAR ABBY: We gave a substantial check to a young woman as a wedding gift. The marriage lasted three months. The money wasn't returned, and we never received a thank-you note. What is the etiquette in a situation like this? -- ROBERT IN CHULA VISTA, CALIF.

DEAR ROBERT: The rule of etiquette is that the bride should have promptly written you, thanking you for your generosity.