DEAR ABBY: In recent conversations with my daughter, who is away in college, she opened up to me that she is hooking up. She introduced herself to this guy two weeks ago, and she's already having sex with him. I tried to caution her about the dangers of such relationships and how harmful they can be physically and emotionally. She sounded annoyed and said it is her body and she has a right to do whatever she pleases.

I am shocked and disappointed. She's the first person in our family to go to college. If I tell her father, he would disown her. I am beside myself. My younger daughter will soon be applying to college, and now I'm wondering whether I should allow her to go away, given her sister's behavior. How should I handle this? Should I tell her father? -- STRESSED OUT IN NEW YORK

DEAR STRESSED OUT: When you are less emotional, talk with your daughter and advise her to visit the student health center to be checked for STDs and get on a program of birth control. Your daughter is no longer a child. She is a young woman, and sexual activity among college students is not unheard of. While I agree with you that hopping into bed with someone you have known for only two weeks is premature, if she's able to maintain her grade point average, there is no reason to alarm her father. If she isn't, then bring her home.

I assume you have discussed sex and family standards with your younger daughter. If that's the case, it would be unfair to punish or restrict her because you are disappointed in her older sister.

DEAR ABBY: My soon-to-be daughter-in-law complains about my son to me. She's not happy with his job or his boss, but he is. She says he embarrasses her and gets upset when his work must come first. Abby, my son is in charge of the company.

I don't understand why she would marry someone she feels this way about. I struggle with whether to talk to my son about it or not. I'm afraid he will say something to her and she will be upset with me. He is a happy young man, and it seems his fiancee only wants to change him. He's almost 30, and I don't see him changing to her satisfaction. Please advise. -- BITING MY TONGUE FOR NOW IN ARIZONA

DEAR BITING: Your son's fiancee is complaining to the wrong person. Before talking to your son about her complaints, talk to her about them and suggest she talk to him. If your son is happy in his job, happy with his employers and being well compensated for his work ethic and ability, she should be happy for him, not embarrassed. It's important that he know how she feels before the wedding, because if he learns about it afterward, there will be problems.

However, if she's unwilling to communicate her feelings to your son, then let him know she has "concerns" about his job and suggest he discuss them with her before they say any "I do's."

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced mother with an 11-year-old daughter. My boyfriend, "John," and I have been together for two years and we're serious. He is also divorced, with a 13-year-old daughter.

We have tried to be sensitive and understanding about their feelings about our recent divorces and our relationship, but both girls are having a difficult time coping with it. We are very loving and inclusive, so it's not as if they should feel resentful or left out. But this is starting to cause a rift in our relationship.

There comes a point when they need to understand that this is the new norm and get used to it. We try to include each other's daughter in shared events, but it ends up becoming a forced struggle. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. -- THE NEW NORM

DEAR NEW NORM: Welcome to the world of blended families. As much as we would wish it, the adjustment isn't always smooth, because when children are involved, their world is often torn apart.

A resource that can be helpful would be the Stepfamily Foundation Inc. (stepfamily.org). Your former spouses can also ease the adjustment for the girls by remaining actively involved in their lives, curbing their hostility and not pitting the children against either of you.

However, if that's not in the cards, then enlist the help of a licensed family therapist. Blended family counseling, divorce and remarriage counseling may be necessary to ease the girls' transition into "the new norm," which is anything but normal for them.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Alex," and I are a young couple and have been married for four years. I recently took a trip with him to visit his uncle and met one of Alex's cousins for the first time.

I was helping my mother-in-law in the kitchen when Alex called me to come and look at something on his computer. I responded, "Sir?" His cousin immediately started poking fun at it, and the rest of his family joined in.

To me, "Sir" is a gesture of respect to my husband. His family seemed to interpret it to mean I think I'm less than an equal in our relationship. This is definitely not the case. Alex and I both make sure to show respect and appreciation to each other in little ways throughout the day.

This isn't the first instance in which someone heard me address my husband as "Sir" and criticized my decision to use the word. Frankly, I have no intention to change the way I interact with my husband. What I'd like to know is, how do I nicely shut the conversation down when people give their unwelcome opinion? -- ANNOYED IN ROUND ROCK, TEXAS

DEAR ANNOYED: It's possible these relatives did not grow up with the same formalities you are used to. If that's the case, smile and say, "I consider calling my husband 'Sir' a sign of respect. That's how I was raised. Don't you think he deserves it?" However, if the teasing doesn't stop, add, "I'm neither downtrodden nor subservient -- and what I call him is really not your business."

DEAR ABBY: I am 22. I met my boyfriend, "Jordan," in college. We live together with a roommate.

Throughout our relationship, there have been times when Jordan was inconsiderate and didn't seem to put much effort into it. Sometimes he says he's going to be out "late." Then he ends up staying out all night without letting me know he's not coming home. He has done this quite a few times. His excuse is that I am supposed to call to hound him, and ask where he is and when he's coming home.

He's often not respectful of my time and comes home hours after he says he will. Most of the time he's out with friends I know, but I am losing trust and feel less important.

When we are spending time together, the relationship is great. Jordan is the one person I feel I can live with. We don't get annoyed with each other, have the same sense of humor and common interests and hobbies.

I have tried many times to get the point across that he doesn't make me feel like a priority. He tells me he cares and that I'm "the one." Where do I draw the line because he fails to back up his words with actions? -- LOW-RANKING GIRLFRIEND IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR LOW-RANKING: Draw the line now and remove your blinders. Although you say you don't get annoyed with each other, it seems you are plenty annoyed with Jordan, and you have a right to be. You are being treated like your feelings don't matter.

You are not his mother and you shouldn't have to "hound" him. When a boyfriend stays out all night, it is cause for concern. And that his actions and his words don't match means that he's not being truthful. Prepare yourself for the inevitable because it's coming.

DEAR ABBY: I am annoyed by how sexist the conversation is in regard to weddings. It is always her day, her wedding, all about her. It's like the groom is just a check in the box. Nearly everyone forgets that this is one of the most important events in the groom's life, too, and he has an equal investment in the event.

As for our own wedding, there were no brides involved -- just us two grooms, our minister friend who officiated, plus all our friends and family who celebrated with us. Both of us were involved in the planning and execution of our wedding from beginning to end, and the entire process was so meaningful to us. Now I feel bad for our straight male friends whose involvement in their own weddings gets completely discounted.

Please stay vigilant, Abby. Remind people that it is their day, their wedding, and all about them. -- EQUAL OPPORTUNITY IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR EQUAL OPPORTUNITY: Your point is well taken. However, in generations past, traditionally the bride's parents paid for the wedding. The groom had little to do with the planning -- and few, if any, of them objected to it or wanted more responsibility. Today, because couples marry later and brides often have incomes of their own, it is far more common for couples to pay for their weddings and plan them together.