DEAR ABBY: I have been having an affair with a married man for eight years. At first, both of us were married, but my husband died two years ago. Since then, my lover and I have grown closer, but he won't leave his wife because of his kids.

I love him dearly, but cannot go on living life this way. He doesn't want me to see other people. Every time I try to end it, he talks me out of it and makes me feel guilty for trying. I need help, please. -- MESSED UP IN MINNESOTA

DEAR MESSED UP: The little voice that's telling you you can't go on living this way is your rational thinking. The one that's talking you out of moving on is coming from a selfish individual who is thinking only of his own interests and not yours.

As it stands, your lover has a harem. If that's fine with you, I can't change your mind. But if it isn't, remove the blinders from your eyes and end this romance because it is going nowhere and probably never will.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in a quandary. Many years ago, we rescued a precious 4-year-old and her newborn brother from a horrific living situation and tried to adopt them. After more than a year and 16 contentious court hearings, we were devastated when the court returned them to their mother. I'm sure they have no idea how hard we fought for them, and I still love them dearly and keep tabs on them as best I can.

The girl is now 18, and I am retiring and will be moving away. I have a bin of baby things, school mementos, etc. for each of them that I've kept all these years, and which I will return to them. However, I also have the many photographs that documented their indescribable living conditions, the police reports, the court documents, etc. I strongly feel these should be destroyed, because to see and read this graphic information would be far too traumatic and would serve no good purpose. What do you think? Is it right to withhold this from them? -- HOLDING ON IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HOLDING ON: I don't believe in withholding information, so before you do, I think you should tell the young woman what you have and let her make the final decision about what should be done with it.

DEAR ABBY: I have heard this but never believed it: When a woman is beautiful, men are afraid to ask her out for fear that they will be turned down. I am 65, and all my life I have (luckily) been told that I am beautiful. I have imperfections, but if I were a man, I would be proud to be seen with me.

Men stutter around me, so they don't ask me out. I attract younger men, but I live in a small town and I wouldn't want to start rumors. Please tell me what you think about my dilemma, and will I ever find a soul mate. -- WONDERING IN GEORGIA

DEAR WONDERING: You will find a soul mate after you stop worrying about what people say about you. At your age, eligible men are scarce, so if someone younger shows interest, don't make your decisions on outdated stereotypes, take him up on it!

DEAR ABBY: Making wise decisions about what to do with your money can be tough. Insurance policies, mortgages and investment plans come with so much terminology and fine print. The phone calls, email messages and mail offers for products and services are endless, and some are downright dishonest. It seems as if there's a scammer -- or an opportunity to make the wrong financial decision -- around every corner.

To help your readers sort out the offers for products and financial services that come their way, USA.gov, the federal government's official website, has created a free Financial Self-Defense Kit. It contains a dozen publications that explain how to make solid investment, shopping and credit decisions. And it's also filled with advice on protecting your consumer rights and recognizing and avoiding scams -- especially those aimed at seniors.

Abby, thank you for sharing this empowering kit with your readers. Armed with the information, they'll be better prepared and feel more confident facing financial choices. -- SARAH CRANE, ACTING DIRECTOR, FEDERAL CITIZEN INFORMATION CENTER

DEAR SARAH: Frankly, I should be thanking you for giving me the opportunity to share this valuable information with my readers. I thought the kit you produced last year was wonderful, but this one is even better.

Readers, I was shocked to read not long ago in USA Today that almost one-third of American workers have less than $1,000 in savings and investments for retirement. The reasons for this vary, but among them are that people haven't estimated how much money they will need once they stop working until they are near retirement, when it's too late.

This year's kit will be valuable for any of you with an eye to the future. It contains information to help you choose a financial adviser you can trust, and determine the difference between a solid investment and a fraudulent offer that could cost you your life savings.

Among the other "goodies" inside are: Money Smarts for Older Adults, Fighting (Investment) Fraud 101, Five Steps for Making Financial Decisions, Know Your Financial Adviser, The Guide to Long-Term Care Insurance, A Guide for Seniors: Protect Yourself Against Investment Fraud, Considering a Reverse Mortgage?, Understand Your Credit Score, and Your Rights When a Debt Collector Calls. (Can you guess the No. 1 consumer complaint received by the government last year? Debt collection!)

You will also find the newest edition of the Consumer Action Handbook, which no household should be without. (Inside is a sample complaint letter, which can be very effective in any number of instances when dealing with corporations, and company contact information.)

All this information is free of charge, but supplies are limited. To order, go to USA.gov/dearabby, call 888-878-3256 weekdays 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Eastern time, or write: Financial Self Defense, Pueblo, CO 81009. Don't procrastinate, because these kits are going to go quickly. --Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: My 17-year-old stepdaughter, "Audra," got her driver's license a few months ago and has started pressuring us to put her on our car insurance. When we told her we can't afford it, and if she wants to be on the insurance she has to get a job and pay for it, she had a temper tantrum.

About a month ago, my husband wanted her to go to the store for him. We live in a rural area and everything is some distance away. After she left, he asked me if I was mad that he let her take the car. I told him I thought he was asking for trouble sending her out with no car insurance. He said, "But she wants to drive so badly." My husband now wants me to let her take me shopping and bring along our two small kids.

If Audra gets into an accident, we could be sued for everything we have! No one is a great driver when they first start driving, but she is a beginner without insurance. I have considered calling the police and telling them she's driving without insurance. What do I do? -- NO INSURANCE IN NEW YORK

DEAR NO INSURANCE: Stick to your guns. It appears Audra has some growing up to do before she starts driving. If at the age of 17 she's still having tantrums when she doesn't get her way, she's not emotionally mature enough to be behind the wheel of a car. Your concerns about her getting into an accident are common sense. Transporting small children in a car driven by an uninsured, inexperienced driver is not advisable.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 28-year-old gay man who recently graduated with a liberal arts degree. I have always struggled to support myself. I'm often discouraged because of professional and personal mistakes, which leads me to be pessimistic about my future.

I want to date. I know love isn't going to be the save-all, but it would be nice to hang out with someone from time to time. My problem is, in the past men have been critical of my lack of success. They are often unimpressed with me. Successful men won't date me. Yet I feel intellectually incompatible with the blue-collar guys I've been with.

I'd like to be able to have conversations about literature, film and maybe world events, but the men I'm drawn to are out of my league. Must I suck it up and take what I can get? Do you think that maybe if my life was in order, I'd have better luck with men? -- DENVER PO'BOY

DEAR DENVER PO'BOY: I do. It appears that in addition to self-esteem problems, you are drawn to men who are intellectual snobs. Intelligent, successful men -- and women -- are attracted to people who feel good about themselves and have interesting things to say. Because these individuals are often "targets," they are not particularly drawn to people who might regard them as meal tickets.

So by all means get your life in order. When you dwell less on your mistakes (we all make them) and think positive, your chances of finding friends like yourself will be better.