DEAR ABBY: I recently married for the second time. My first husband was verbally and emotionally abusive. My new husband is kindhearted and takes good care of me. I have one problem though. He curses all the time. (I don't think he realizes he is doing it anymore.)

I believe that cursing makes a person look ignorant. What bothers me most are his racist jokes. I have told him I don't like hearing him insult other races or cultures, but he still does it. He thinks the jokes are funny and he shares them with his kids.

I don't think he is really racist; I just think he's emotionally immature and doesn't realize how rude his behavior is. What do I do? I'm embarrassed by it and don't want to encourage it in his kids. -- NO JOKE

DEAR NO JOKE: Your second husband may treat you better than your previous one, but it appears you have married a man who is both a racist and a bigot. I don't blame you for being embarrassed, because jokes of this nature reflect more upon the person telling them than the minority that's being ridiculed. Point that out to him, if you haven't already. And you should definitely explain it to his kids so they'll understand that this kind of humor will label them.

DEAR ABBY: After 15 years of trying to establish a relationship with my in-laws, I recently decided to sever my contact with them. They have been deceptive and talk about me to my husband in whispers behind my back. I understand his loyalty to his family, but I strongly feel that continuing to deny that their behavior is unhealthy is unhealthy for me. Being forced to see them makes me physically ill.

How can I help my husband see that he can have a relationship with his parents without my participation? -- I'M DONE, IN ARIZONA

DEAR DONE: Avoiding your in-laws isn't the answer. If your husband hasn't stood up to his parents and sided with you before now, your marriage is in trouble. Find a licensed marriage counselor who can "help" him realize that what his parents have been doing is undercutting his wife and sabotaging his marriage. Then cross your fingers that he's strong enough to do something to correct it.

DEAR ABBY: How can I gently break the news to my sister that I am pregnant? She has been trying to conceive for more than a year, but is still unsuccessful. (I got pregnant within a month of trying.)

What can I do to avoid hurting her feelings when I tell her? I'm only a few weeks along, so I haven't told anyone except my husband, of course. -- EXPECTING IN THE EAST

DEAR EXPECTING: Infertility issues can be extremely painful for couples who have been trying to have a child, particularly if the problem has been going on for some time. You should tell your sister privately, in person, and before you start to show. I don't think it's necessary to mention that you became pregnant after only one month, because it might appear that you are gloating.

DEAR ABBY: I have been having an affair with a married man for eight years. At first, both of us were married, but my husband died two years ago. Since then, my lover and I have grown closer, but he won't leave his wife because of his kids.

I love him dearly, but cannot go on living life this way. He doesn't want me to see other people. Every time I try to end it, he talks me out of it and makes me feel guilty for trying. I need help, please. -- MESSED UP IN MINNESOTA

DEAR MESSED UP: The little voice that's telling you you can't go on living this way is your rational thinking. The one that's talking you out of moving on is coming from a selfish individual who is thinking only of his own interests and not yours.

As it stands, your lover has a harem. If that's fine with you, I can't change your mind. But if it isn't, remove the blinders from your eyes and end this romance because it is going nowhere and probably never will.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in a quandary. Many years ago, we rescued a precious 4-year-old and her newborn brother from a horrific living situation and tried to adopt them. After more than a year and 16 contentious court hearings, we were devastated when the court returned them to their mother. I'm sure they have no idea how hard we fought for them, and I still love them dearly and keep tabs on them as best I can.

The girl is now 18, and I am retiring and will be moving away. I have a bin of baby things, school mementos, etc. for each of them that I've kept all these years, and which I will return to them. However, I also have the many photographs that documented their indescribable living conditions, the police reports, the court documents, etc. I strongly feel these should be destroyed, because to see and read this graphic information would be far too traumatic and would serve no good purpose. What do you think? Is it right to withhold this from them? -- HOLDING ON IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR HOLDING ON: I don't believe in withholding information, so before you do, I think you should tell the young woman what you have and let her make the final decision about what should be done with it.

DEAR ABBY: I have heard this but never believed it: When a woman is beautiful, men are afraid to ask her out for fear that they will be turned down. I am 65, and all my life I have (luckily) been told that I am beautiful. I have imperfections, but if I were a man, I would be proud to be seen with me.

Men stutter around me, so they don't ask me out. I attract younger men, but I live in a small town and I wouldn't want to start rumors. Please tell me what you think about my dilemma, and will I ever find a soul mate. -- WONDERING IN GEORGIA

DEAR WONDERING: You will find a soul mate after you stop worrying about what people say about you. At your age, eligible men are scarce, so if someone younger shows interest, don't make your decisions on outdated stereotypes, take him up on it!

DEAR ABBY: Making wise decisions about what to do with your money can be tough. Insurance policies, mortgages and investment plans come with so much terminology and fine print. The phone calls, email messages and mail offers for products and services are endless, and some are downright dishonest. It seems as if there's a scammer -- or an opportunity to make the wrong financial decision -- around every corner.

To help your readers sort out the offers for products and financial services that come their way, USA.gov, the federal government's official website, has created a free Financial Self-Defense Kit. It contains a dozen publications that explain how to make solid investment, shopping and credit decisions. And it's also filled with advice on protecting your consumer rights and recognizing and avoiding scams -- especially those aimed at seniors.

Abby, thank you for sharing this empowering kit with your readers. Armed with the information, they'll be better prepared and feel more confident facing financial choices. -- SARAH CRANE, ACTING DIRECTOR, FEDERAL CITIZEN INFORMATION CENTER

DEAR SARAH: Frankly, I should be thanking you for giving me the opportunity to share this valuable information with my readers. I thought the kit you produced last year was wonderful, but this one is even better.

Readers, I was shocked to read not long ago in USA Today that almost one-third of American workers have less than $1,000 in savings and investments for retirement. The reasons for this vary, but among them are that people haven't estimated how much money they will need once they stop working until they are near retirement, when it's too late.

This year's kit will be valuable for any of you with an eye to the future. It contains information to help you choose a financial adviser you can trust, and determine the difference between a solid investment and a fraudulent offer that could cost you your life savings.

Among the other "goodies" inside are: Money Smarts for Older Adults, Fighting (Investment) Fraud 101, Five Steps for Making Financial Decisions, Know Your Financial Adviser, The Guide to Long-Term Care Insurance, A Guide for Seniors: Protect Yourself Against Investment Fraud, Considering a Reverse Mortgage?, Understand Your Credit Score, and Your Rights When a Debt Collector Calls. (Can you guess the No. 1 consumer complaint received by the government last year? Debt collection!)

You will also find the newest edition of the Consumer Action Handbook, which no household should be without. (Inside is a sample complaint letter, which can be very effective in any number of instances when dealing with corporations, and company contact information.)

All this information is free of charge, but supplies are limited. To order, go to USA.gov/dearabby, call 888-878-3256 weekdays 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Eastern time, or write: Financial Self Defense, Pueblo, CO 81009. Don't procrastinate, because these kits are going to go quickly. --Love, ABBY