DEAR ABBY: I have been close to my best friend for three years. A year ago we decided to date. We have a wonderful relationship on almost every level. The only issue I have is that he's reluctant to open up about his past. He is a very private person, and I know it's because of his upbringing. This has sparked many debates between us that have ended less than pleasantly.

Recently, he did open up, and when he did, he dropped a bomb. He asked me if I believed in soul mates, and I said yes. Then he told me about how in his past there was a girl he loved very much. Sadly, she died. He said he sees this girl as his soul mate, but he doesn't think it lessens any of his love for me.

This was the first time he opened up to me. Now that it has sunk in, I'm hurt. I already have self-confidence issues, and I worry that since I am not her, I'm not enough. I can't live up to a dead woman.

I always thought I could change his closed ways, but now, knowing the cause, I fear there is nothing I can do to help him. Maybe he's just too messed up for me. I don't know what to do. Can someone have two soul mates? -- NOT HIS SOUL MATE

DEAR NOT HIS SOUL MATE: Please do not allow your self-confidence issues to ruin your relationship, because from where I sit, it appears you're looking for a way to push this man away. So what if he had a romance that ended tragically? She's dead -- gone! And you're very much alive. Stop competing with her.

If there is one thing I have learned, it is that we cannot change other people. He doesn't need your help; he needs someone who will accept him the way he is and love him for it.

DEAR ABBY: I am the treasurer for my high school's upcoming 50th reunion. My senior class was large -- more than 550 students. My problem is, 280 students have not responded to our monthly emails or newsletters.

It takes a lot of time and effort to put on a reunion. We have been working on it for two years. I realize some classmates hated their senior year. Not all of us had a perfect time. But would you remind people that a simple yes or no works well?

Frankly, I don't know why anyone would say no, unless medical or financial issues prevented them from attending. I don't look like I did at 18, and neither does anyone else. The clique clubs are gone, and the captain of the football team looks just like any other guy. Can you comment? -- READY FOR THE REUNION

DEAR READY: Yes. There may be other reasons why some graduates don't wish to attend their high school reunion. They live far away, or there is no one they particularly want to see.

Rather than work yourself into a lather, in your next communication to the graduates, specify that only those who have responded to the invitation can be accommodated "because the committee is making arrangements for which they need an exact head count." If you don't hear from someone, do not plan on seeing him or her.

DEAR ABBY: A trusted and beloved family member who takes care of my cats -- and therefore has a key to my house -- has been stealing things like cleaning supplies, knickknacks, family pictures, etc. Most of them have little monetary value. But imagine my surprise when I spotted some of my missing seashell collection in her fish tank!

Naturally, I can't accuse her of taking things like seashells that anyone can pick up free on the beach, but I select ones with distinct markings, which is why I know they are mine. It's frustrating to run out of toothpaste and find that the spare tube I just bought is missing. It's not like she doesn't have the money to buy her own.

She does so much for me and my kids. Should I just continue to ignore it? -- SEASHELLS BY THE SEASHORE

DEAR S.B.T.S.: Your family member may have a touch of kleptomania -- a compulsion to steal -- or perhaps she takes the items because she feels entitled to "payment" for the favors she does for you.

If you confront her, she will probably deny it. This is not to imply that you must continue putting up with it until she takes something with greater sentimental (or tangible) value. Ask her to return your key "because you have made other arrangements to care for your cats," or change your locks. Then follow through with someone who won't take advantage of your trust.

DEAR ABBY: My wife is a big woman (not fat). She's an athlete and quite strong. We both enjoy wrestling. We are evenly matched and do it often.

Many times she'll pin me down with me on my back, shoulders to the ground. Other times, I do the same to her. The loser takes the winner out to dinner. We enjoy it greatly.

Are we crazy? Are we weird? And most of all, are we alone in this activity? -- HAPPY HUSBAND IN FLORIDA

DEAR HAPPY HUSBAND: As long as no one gets hurt, what two consenting adults do is their business. I don't think you are either crazy or weird, nor are you alone in this activity. What you have described as "wrestling" some people call "foreplay."

DEAR ABBY: Can you advise me on how to respond to comments from younger men when I am at dinner or out with friends? I often get "Wow, you are really good looking for an older woman!" which I find vaguely insulting even though they may think it's a compliment. I'm in good shape for my age (48), but my husband agrees it's rude.

I'm at a loss for a snappy comeback and usually so embarrassed that I just turn away and pretend that I didn't hear. Am I overly sensitive? Should I be thanking them? That doesn't feel right. Any witty responses you think would be good? -- SPEECHLESS IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SPEECHLESS: A left-handed compliment is one that has two meanings -- one of which is not flattering to the recipient. Because you find it offensive, say, "I may look 'older' to you, but I'm not so old I consider that to be a compliment."

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 19-year-old woman in college who still lives with my parents. I found out something several weeks ago that's bothering me, and I need advice badly.

Years ago, after a robbery, my parents installed security cameras outside our house. I knew about them because they were visible. But apparently some were installed that I knew nothing about.

I have done things while alone to help control certain feelings, and I have also walked around without much on when my parents were away and never thought anything about it. Ever since I found out, I have been freaking out.

I don't want to make a big deal about it because I'm afraid if my parents didn't look at anything before, then they will now. I want to know if they have seen what I was doing. Part of me says to ignore this because they're family -- so who cares. My parents have never said anything about seeing me.

We're Catholics, and I have heard the lecture about avoiding self-gratification ever since I can remember. I'm very careful about what I do now, but I am still bothered. Should I just forget and move on, or should I ask? -- POSSIBLY PARANOID

DEAR POSSIBLY PARANOID: If your parents had been viewing the security footage and felt you were doing something wrong, you would have heard about it from them by now. What you need to know is that masturbation is normal. It is not depraved, a crime or harmful to your health. All normal boys and girls (and some adults, too) practice this natural type of sexual gratification. (If it makes you feel guilty because you have been told it's "wrong," then stop doing it.) Now, forget about it and move on.

DEAR ABBY: I am a gay male and my boyfriend of three years just confessed to me that he's been cheating on me for the better part of our relationship. We went to counseling in an attempt to repair the damage that was done, and to see if I could regain any of the trust that I once had in him. During our counseling session he told me that he was sleeping with his stepbrother. I had forgiven him prior to this disclosure and thought I could move past it, but I'm no longer sure I can.

Before he told me about the cheating, I had bought an engagement ring for him and was nearly finished paying for it. Now I am unsure if I want to pay it off because I am so appalled about what has transpired. On the other hand, I'm afraid it will affect my credit history if I don't. What would you do if you were in my position? -- CAN'T MOVE PAST IT

DEAR CAN'T MOVE PAST IT: A partner who would cheat on you for that length of time has a character deficiency and will probably do it again. If I were in your position, I'd end the relationship, finish paying for the ring and then cut my losses by selling it. That way, all of the payments you have made won't go down the tubes, and your credit rating will be intact.