DEAR ABBY: In my family alone, three young women have -- by their own admission -- gotten pregnant on purpose to get their boyfriends to marry and support them. None of these marriages worked out. The horrible relationships were and still are hurtful and damaging, not only to the children, but also to the rest of the family. I'm aware of several other women who have admitted to entrapping their baby daddy by "forgetting to take their pills," so I know this isn't just happening in my family.

Contraceptive measures for boys are limited and fallible, and I am concerned. My nephews' mother entrapped their now-absent father, so I doubt she'll mention this to them. How and when does a relative talk to soon-to-be teen boys about entrapment? -- ANONYMOUS RELATIVE

DEAR RELATIVE: The subject of contraception should be part of an ongoing, age-appropriate conversation about sex and reproduction. Boys and girls mature physically earlier than they did decades ago, and because of the Internet they are often exposed to a wide variety of information.

I do think a warning is in order because of your regrettable family situation. However, you should be aware that no law dictates that a man "has" to marry a woman (or girl) he has gotten pregnant. If a paternity test proves he is the father of the baby, he IS required to support his child until the child is no longer a minor.

DEAR ABBY: My widowed mother-in-law began dating a man a few months ago. My husband and I are happy for her because he seems to be a good person. She really seems to enjoy spending time with him.

We live in Michigan and she lives in South Carolina. She told me she has asked him to come with her the next time she visits us. I have no problem with this, but I do not want them to share a room in my home because they're not married. I have boys who are 10 and 13, and I think it would send the wrong message.

Yes, I know I'm old-fashioned. Talk about role reversal! How do I handle this? -- STICKING TO IT

DEAR STICKING TO IT: Handle it by offering to make reservations for your mother-in-law and her gentleman friend at a nearby hotel or motel. And if she asks you why, explain it to her as you explained it to me.

DEAR ABBY: I have neighbors whose house I go to in order to see pay-per-view fights. I split the cost of the fights and food with them. The problem is, if anyone else comes over, they don't pitch in. Also, they eat the food I just paid half of. Another issue is I eat for one and they eat for five, yet we split the cost down the middle. How do I resolve this? -- SHORT END OF THE DEAL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SHORT END: You could try duking it out, but the most effective way would be for you to discuss it with your neighbors, because I agree what's happening doesn't seem fair to you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Sam," and I have been married three years and have a good relationship. He's a wonderful father and husband, and I really couldn't ask for much more.

However, there is one thing I just don't know what to do about. He had a rough divorce from his first wife, who was also the first woman he ever had sex with (they waited until they were married). She started doing drugs shortly afterward and cheated on him several times. Counseling with her didn't work, and eventually he filed for divorce.

We married five years after his divorce, and we also waited to have sex until we were married. This was by mutual agreement. Once we were married, I realized he has some big hang-ups about sex in general. There can never be any foreplay, we never change positions, and the times it happens are few and far between.

I have expressed my need for more intimacy, but he acts like I'm being ridiculous, or says he can't make himself change something he's comfortable with. How else can I approach this situation without making him feel bad? I believe sex in a marriage is very important, and ours needs to change. -- NEEDS MORE IN TEXAS

DEAR NEEDS MORE: Your husband has a problem, but in order for there to be any changes in your marriage, he will have to admit to himself -- and to you -- that he has one. A place to start would be marriage counseling with a licensed therapist, and from there, very likely, a course of treatment with a licensed sex therapist. I hope you can convince him that it is necessary, because unless he agrees, I don't think a mutually satisfying union will be possible.

DEAR ABBY: I got my sister a job at my workplace, and she has now fallen in love with one of my co-workers, "Bill." The problem is, he's married and has children. Bill's wife works here, too, and she recently found out about the romance. Bill and his wife talked and decided to work things out.

I have now learned that Bill and my sister are still dating and have even discussed marriage. I had decided to stay out of it, but I'm friends with this couple and I feel obligated to let the wife know. Should I stay silent and let her find out for herself? How do I make my sister realize this is not a good path she is going down? -- STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

DEAR STUCK: Bill's wife already knows she's married to a cheater. She doesn't need you to tell her. Do, however, talk to your sister and remind her that this is a no-win situation for her.

When Bill's wife realizes the affair is ongoing, she'll either see to it that the romance is over once and for all -- which means your sister will end up brokenhearted -- or she'll divorce him. If she divorces Bill and he marries your sister, your sister will have a husband with a history of cheating and heavy child support payments. That's hardly a guarantee of a happy ending.

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, I met a gentleman, and he eventually decided we were "soul mates." I agreed. Over time, we shared our life stories, good and bad. I confided that I'd had an abortion at the age of 18, which has haunted me all my adult life.

Recently he was reciting a chronology of my life. When he got to the abortion, he said, "... and then you became a child murderer." His comment stunned me. He finds nothing wrong with it. Was this total disrespect, or am I overreacting? -- STUNNED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR STUNNED: That "gentleman's" remark was not only disrespectful, but also incredibly insensitive and wrong. It is not against the law to terminate a pregnancy in this country. It is a right that many women -- and men -- fought hard to achieve.

Because each woman's circumstances are unique, this deeply personal decision is made for a variety of reasons. Like yourself, women experience a range of emotions afterward -- including feelings of sadness and anger, but also relief. For this person to have made such an insensitive comment should be a clue that he may not be your soul mate after all.

Because of stigma that, not surprisingly, can cause feelings of shame, many women choose to remain silent about their decision to have an abortion. A resource that could be helpful to them -- and to you -- is Exhale (exhaleprovoice.org), a nonpolitical, nonjudgmental support organization for women who have had an abortion. Please check it out.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 33-year-old man in academia, and it has been two years since my last relationship ended. (Her name was "Erica.") I have always been with older women, the most significant ones being 10 and eight years older. One ended because, in a night of depressed, alcohol-fueled self-loathing, I cheated on her. I don't make those choices anymore.

I have had chances to date, but none has drawn my interest the way Erica did -- until recently. "Angie" is a sweetheart with a good sense of humor. When I'm around her, I start feeling twinges of how Erica made me feel.

I'm surprised by my attraction to Angie because she is only 19. Previous older mates were in education as I am, and Angie is, well, 19. I can't figure out if this is a genuine attraction, or if I'm trying to prove to myself that I can be involved with someone younger. I admit I'm intrigued by the idea of assuming the role of teacher instead of student.

I don't want to see Angie hurt by a mistake in judgment on my part. Is it healthy for a 19-year-old to be interested in significantly older men? Should I stop overanalyzing this and give it a try? -- MR. X IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MR. X: I think it depends upon what you mean by "it." Young women can be attracted to older men for a variety of reasons. If Angie is one of your students, I'd advise against a romantic involvement until after she has left your class to avoid any possible accusations of favoritism or even sexual harassment.