DEAR ABBY: Three years ago I gave my adult daughter, married with a child, more than $16,000 to help pay off her debts because she couldn't pay her bills. She and her husband maintain separate accounts, which I find odd. He pays certain expenses; she pays others. Now I find she's deep in debt again and needs more help.

I'm 69, married and retired. We have some savings and I'd like to help her. However, I'm afraid if I take more money out of our savings, we may not have enough to cover an emergency or if either of us needs nursing home care.

She is a good and loving daughter, and I feel bad that I may not be able to help her. Do you see any solution to my problem? -- DENNIS IN VIRGINIA

DEAR DENNIS: You must stop enabling your adult daughter. Rather than offer more of your savings, it's important to find out what is causing her spending problem. (Drugs? Depression? A shopping addiction?) Then steer her and her husband to a credit counseling organization that can help her without placing your future welfare in jeopardy.

Legitimate credit counseling firms are affiliated with the National Foundation for Credit Counseling, the Association of Credit Counseling Professionals, or the Association of Independent Consumer Credit Counseling Agencies. This isn't your problem, and it shouldn't be. You have done enough.

DEAR ABBY: Last weekend we had our children and grandkids over for a family birthday. We looked after the children, cooked, waited on everyone and cleaned up afterward while the adults sat texting or playing on their cellphones.

Abby, this is not so much a question as an observation for anyone of any age who is invited to visit someone's home:

Spending time on the cellphone rather than socializing is rude. It says our company is not valued. It says that neither we nor your children are important enough for your attention. It teaches children that it isn't necessary to be social, offer to help clear the table, or be gracious and appreciative when someone prepares a meal for them.

The visit left a bitter taste, and it will be a long time before we invite our children and grandchildren to our home again. I know cellphones are part of our culture, but adults still have the power to choose what is important and turn them off! -- DISCONNECTED IN MIDTOWN, TENN.

DEAR DISCONNECTED: Now that you have vented, may I pose a question? While your children were sitting on their fannies after the meal, did you or your spouse TELL them you needed help, that their children needed minding and that their behavior was rude? Because if you didn't, please recognize that the behaviors you described do not spring up overnight, and you may be partly responsible for how your children turned out.

"Not inviting them for a long time" isn't the answer, because they may not get the "hint." If you say what's on your mind, you may startle them into modeling better behavior for their children before it's too late. Putting into words how their behavior made you feel would be more direct and more effective.

DEAR ABBY: Have you any advice for handling nostalgia? While it can be pleasant, lately I have been getting very down when I think about my past. I'm sad that I can never relive those experiences, and I'm wondering what's wrong with my life now that makes me feel this way.

I'm 25 and have a lot of life ahead of me. Now that I think about it, I have always had the habit of thinking the past is better than the present. Then, a few years later, I end up missing that time in my life -- even though at the time, I didn't appreciate it.

How can I start enjoying and appreciating my present and treasure my past, but not let it hold me back? -- NOSTALGIC IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NOSTALGIC: Try this: Each morning, before getting out of bed, take a few minutes to consider the things in your life that you are grateful for and that you enjoy. Picture them one at a time in your mind -- whether it's your parents, your friends, your health or perhaps a recent experience. If you do, this will put you in a positive frame of mind to begin your day.

If you find your thoughts sliding backward into negativity at any point after that, remind yourself to return to reality and stay in the moment or concentrate on something you have to look forward to. It may lift your spirits. However, if this doesn't help to improve your outlook, then it's time to consider talking to a licensed mental health professional about it.

DEAR ABBY: Three weeks ago, I invited a friend to attend a dinner party I am throwing. She promised to check her calendar and let me know if she was available. Twelve days went by and, because I had heard nothing, I assumed she wasn't available and filled the table with someone else.

Now she's calling to say she is available, but I already have a full table. What do I do now? -- ONE TOO MANY IN NEW YORK

DEAR ONE TOO MANY: It shouldn't take 12 days to check one's calendar. Your friend was rude in not letting you know right away. Call your friend and explain that when you didn't hear from her, you assumed she couldn't make it, so you invited someone else. And don't apologize for it, because she owes you an apology.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question I have never seen addressed before. I have a lot of collectible toys stored in my attic that I bought for my stepson more than 30 years ago. Now that he knows they're worth money -- which he doesn't need -- he wants me to return them so he can sell them. Is he entitled to demand them back? -- STEPDAD IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR STEPDAD: I think so. When the toys were given to him, they became his property. On the other hand, because they have been in your attic all these years, it seems only fair that you be compensated for the "storage fees." Whatever is decided, I hope it won't cause a rift in your family.

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee of three years, "Ellen," is wonderful to me and she loves my daughters dearly. However, when it comes to my ex-wife, Ellen can be downright nasty.

I divorced my ex-wife many years ago because she wasn't good to me, but my kids see her half the time and love her because she's their mom, and I encourage them to do that. Ellen says nasty things about her in front of my kids, and of course my kids don't like it and tell me about it. When I confront Ellen about it, she tells me I stick up for my ex more than her and tries to make me feel guilty.

My kids are my world, Abby. I love Ellen, but I refuse to lose my kids because my fiancee can't control her mouth. I don't know what to do. If I lose Ellen because of my ex, I'll be devastated. Do you have any advice for me? -- CAN'T WIN IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CAN'T WIN: Try asking Ellen how she would feel if she were in your daughters' shoes and someone constantly said nasty things about her mother. I'll bet she wouldn't like it one bit.

You say Ellen loves your daughters -- yet she persists in doing something she knows is painful for them. That isn't loving behavior, nor is it kind or sensitive. My advice is to tell Ellen she needs to do some work on quelling her insecurity and hostility because she's driving your daughters away, and they are your world. And add that if you hear she's continuing to make nasty comments about their mother, although it pains you, you will miss her.

DEAR ABBY: Every time my girlfriend and I go out somewhere and we run into friends of hers -- mainly females -- they always make a point of telling me how lucky I am to have her. Mind you, she is gorgeous, and I do feel lucky. But I'm not bad-looking either.

What is a proper response for me to give? It's beginning to get irritating. -- ALSO A GOOD CATCH

DEAR ALSO A GOOD CATCH: The proper response is, "Isn't she terrific? She's not only gorgeous, she's (then list several of her other virtues)." Remember, this is not a competition. The more you build your girlfriend up to her girlfriends, the better YOU will come across. And of course, she should do the same for you whenever the opportunity presents itself.

DEAR ABBY: How come when people ask what kind of sports you do and stuff like that, they always direct it to my brother or my dad? They never ask me -- I'm a girl -- or my mom. I consider it rude and sexist. I feel I should do something about it, but I'm not sure what. Please help me. -- CLAIRE IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR CLAIRE: People who do this obviously don't know your family well, or they would already know the answer to the question. That tells me they are only trying to make polite conversation.

Because it bothers you, I think you should tell your father and brother how it makes you feel. Perhaps the next time they're asked, they could make a point of mentioning that you're involved in sports, too, so you can be part of the conversation.