DEAR ABBY: I have been hosting Thanksgiving for most of my married life -- 44 years. When my children married, I told them we could celebrate all the holidays whenever and wherever they chose, but I wanted Thanksgiving.

Two years ago, my daughter-in-law asked to spend Thanksgiving with her parents and sister, and I reluctantly agreed. Her mom was battling cancer, so I said she could have Thanksgiving with her parents.

This year I received an email that SHE will be hosting it at her house with her parents and hoped we would come! I was upset that she didn't even discuss this with me. I sent her an email back saying I would like to have Thanksgiving at my house and she and her parents were invited. I haven't heard from her and I'm afraid she's mad. Frankly, I don't want to go to her house, but I don't want to alienate my son and two grandkids.

I don't see a compromise here that will please everyone. Do you? -- UNTHANKFUL IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR UNTHANKFUL: Yes, I do. Because your daughter-in-law has made it plain that she would like to establish some Thanksgiving traditions of her own, you should now graciously discuss alternating the celebration with her.

DEAR ABBY: I was in an unhappy marriage for 35 years, and moved from California to Oklahoma to live with my oldest son. I have now met someone ("Tom") who makes me very happy. The problem is, he's only 30 years old.

Tom doesn't see the age difference as a problem. I don't either, but I have told only two people about him. I feel happy for the first time and don't want to lose him.

Do you think the age difference is an issue? I have tried dating men my own age, but they are boring. -- YOUNG IN OKLAHOMA CITY

DEAR YOUNG: You have the right to live your life the way you want to. Under the circumstances, the difference in your ages will be an issue only if you or Tom chooses to make it one.

DEAR ABBY: I often find myself confused regarding contact information. Many times, people list both a cellphone and a home phone number for contacting them. Because I've grown up in this age of technology, I have only a cellphone and am not reachable any other way.

When people list both numbers or send me both numbers in an email, which number should be used first? And if I don't reach them at the first number, do I leave a message and wait for a return call, or should I call the next number right away? Typically, preferences are not indicated. -- TOO MANY NUMBERS IN WISCONSIN

DEAR TOO MANY: While it's increasingly common for people to have only cellphones, not everyone wants to be called during the day when they might be working. That's why, if there is any confusion on your part, you should ask the individual, because the responses you receive may not be all the same.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Colton" for six months. He's a year and a half older than I am and just started college. I'm still in high school.

Recently, my parents have begun putting restrictions on us, limiting us to one date a week, under four hours long and in a group situation. They like Colton, but they're worried I'll miss out on my friends and high school events.

We have obeyed their restrictions, but the time limit they have set is too short for many date activities, and getting a group together is nearly impossible. I agree I should balance my time, but I think their rules are too rigid because there are no exceptions.

I know my parents care about me, but I'm looking for a little more freedom and the ability to make my own choices. My parents agreed that if I could find other people who thought this situation was in some way unreasonable, they would reconsider some of the rules. So I'm wondering what your opinion is, Abby. -- RESTRICTED IN SALT LAKE CITY

DEAR RESTRICTED: In my opinion, it is very important that your primary concern -- and Colton's, too -- should be earning good grades and completing your education. Both of your futures depend upon it. That said, if there are special events coming up that you and Colton would like to share, the curfew should be adjusted on a case-by-case basis.

DEAR ABBY: I am a newer aunt who feels like I have lost my siblings in this life transition. When I call, I hear screaming boys in the background and it gives me shudders, so I don't do it often. When I visit, every single adult's attention is on the boys and no real conversation ensues.

When I grew up, kids were not a part of adult time. How can I let them know their kids are so unruly I can hardly communicate with them anymore? Or should I just leave my siblings to their own families now? -- UNIMPRESSED AUNT IN TEXAS

DEAR UNIMPRESSED: Because you are not yet a parent, you may not have noticed that when parents of small children get on the phone, their children, in a bid for their attention, become either very noisy or very quiet. The noisiness is preferable, because when the kids become very quiet, they are usually doing something they're not supposed to.

Because the noise your nieces and nephews make unnerves you, schedule phone calls with your siblings after their little ones have been put to bed. And if you would like adult/alone time with them, ask if you can schedule a lunch away from their home for an occasional visit.

DEAR ABBY: Is it more appropriate to eat ice cream cake with a spoon or a fork? I'm always unsure which is preferable. -- ELLEN IN WOODLAND HILLS, CALIF.

DEAR ELLEN: Eat your ice cream cake with a spoon or a "spork" (a utensil that's a combination spoon and fork) so there will be fewer drips when the ice cream starts to melt.

DEAR ABBY: I'm on the verge of 30, and my fiance has a huge issue with the fact that I still cuddle with my mom. From what he says, his family isn't wild about it, either.

Mom has suffered a great deal of loss in her life. She has lost all of her immediate family (aside from her kids) to cancer. We were all caretakers for these family members, doing in-home hospice, and we have formed a unique bond.

My fiance has never even been to a funeral, so it's hard for me to explain this to him. Mom was born in a country in Europe where hugging and lots of affection are natural.

I live out of state, but when I'm home I will put my head on Mom's shoulder and cuddle with her while watching a movie. Sometimes in the morning I'll bring her a hot cup of coffee, put it next to her bed, and jump in with her and her dog. We joke, laugh, cuddle until we have to get up. Is this something I need professional help for, as certain people have had the nerve to tell me? -- AFFECTIONATE IN ALBANY, N.Y.

DEAR AFFECTIONATE: It should be clear to you by now that you are engaged to a man who comes from a family that isn't comfortable with physical demonstrations of affection, and is quick to judge others. Treasure the closeness you have with your mother while you have it because, after she's no longer with you, that special kind of affection will be permanently over.

For your fiance or his family to suggest there's something wrong with cuddling with your mother, or that you need "professional help" because you do it, is both sad and wrong. Many people would find the relationship you share with her to be enviable, and I am one of them.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 27-year-old man dating a woman the same age. "Kelli" and I have been happily together for two years.

My sister's recent wedding prompted me to start ring shopping. My sister used this opportunity to come forward "on behalf of the family" to tell me marrying Kelli would be a mistake. She proceeded to spout off two dozen reasons why we shouldn't be together -- ranging from Kelli's lack of social graces to her haircut. Then she gave me an ultimatum to choose between Kelli and her.

Things have calmed down in the weeks since, but I am concerned my family will never trust my judgment and will mistreat Kelli. I have never been treated so well by a partner, and I don't want to lose her. Please give me some feedback. -- STUCK IN THE MIDDLE IN MARYLAND

DEAR STUCK: To say that your sister's outburst was out of line would be an understatement. That she would demand that you "choose" between her and your girlfriend is ridiculous.

Because you are serious about Kelli, rather than regard what your sister said as a policy statement from the rest of the family, ask them how they feel about your girlfriend. Some may like her; some may not. But you should not decide whom to marry based on anyone else's opinion other than your own. They don't have to live with her; only you do.

P.S. Mature adults do not allow anyone to abuse their spouses.