DEAR ABBY: I have a sibling, "Bailey," who suffers from panic attacks and anxiety disorder. Bailey was first diagnosed while I was attending college. I had a standard psychology class that helped me understand the basics of what he was going through, but whenever there would be a problem with him, I would always feel completely out of my depth.

Bailey has improved over the last couple years thanks to medicine and lots of therapy. But recently, he threatened to commit suicide. Our parents took him straight to the hospital. When I came home after work and heard what had happened, I sympathized with my parents, but I had no idea how to respond to such an ordeal. Worse, my parents want ME to talk to Bailey. Where do I even begin?! Please advise. -- AT A LOSS IN THE EAST

DEAR AT A LOSS: Much as your parents might wish it, you are not an expert when it comes to mental illness and you cannot be your brother's therapist. When you see Bailey, tell him you love him and had no idea he was in so much pain. Ask what kind of emotional support he needs from you, and be prepared to listen. Encourage him to talk openly with his therapist, because no one should have to go through what he is experiencing alone, and his therapist can help in ways that -- much as you all might wish to -- a relative cannot.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Tom" for nine years. I moved into his house after we married. I downsized a lot of my belongings, but the problem is, Tom doesn't want me to have anything of mine in his house. He's always giving my things away or making remarks about what I do have is trash. I have decided to put everything of mine into storage. I will even keep my clothing elsewhere and keep only a comb and toothbrush in his home.

This makes me very sad because I feel he does not value me. I feel homeless even though I have a place to stay. I work and we split the bills. I don't know why he's so negative about anything that is mine, and I'm wondering if I should just move out.

I have tried talking to him and he says he is "only joking" when he offers something of mine to someone else. However, because he has given away my things in the past, it's not a joke to me. -- GUEST IN MY OWN HOUSE

DEAR GUEST: When a couple marries, depending upon their circumstances, they find a way to combine their belongings or start fresh. That your husband would give your things away without your permission is insensitive and disrespectful. That you have tolerated it until now tells me your marriage is not one of equals, which is not healthy for you. Under these circumstances, I can understand why you would want to leave.

If Tom is willing to accompany you to couples counseling, it might help you to communicate better. However, if he isn't, YOU should talk to a therapist about your entire relationship with Tom so you won't find yourself in a subservient position in future relationships after you move out and divorce him.

DEAR ABBY: I have a neighbor, "Mrs. Smith," whom I see often in another neighbor's yard, "the Joneses," when they are not home. I have seen Mrs. Smith pick vegetables from their garden and take them to her house, and Mr. Smith connect extension cords that run to their home in the winter months when the owners are away. The Smiths are at least in their 60s and well off.

While it's possible the Joneses don't mind sharing their garden and electricity with this couple, it does seem unusual. We have security cameras in our yard to discourage the Smiths from coming onto our property.

Should I tell the Joneses about these people and, if so, what would be the best way to approach the subject? Or should I just mind my own business?

I would consider someone a good neighbor if they told me someone was coming onto my property like this, but I can't assume that others feel the same way -- especially since they seem friendly toward each other and share a property line. What would a good neighbor do? -- NEIGHBORLY IN NORTH DAKOTA

DEAR NEIGHBORLY: A good neighbor does unto others as he/she would like them to do unto him/her. The next time you see the Joneses, casually mention what you have observed, suggest they might want to check their electric bill and let them take it from there -- or not.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 17-year-old girl and my boyfriend is the same age. We have been together for five months and I don't know what to do because he's so jealous. If I log on to Facebook, he gets angry. If I go to the park with my parents, he gets mad.

Two days ago, he said he wanted to see my phone. When I told him to show me his phone, too, he refused. He said only he can check my phone. What should I do? -- DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO IN IOWA

DEAR DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO: What you should do is dump this insecure, controlling boy immediately. What he's doing isn't flattering and it isn't normal. While his possessiveness may have seemed like a compliment in the beginning, for your own emotional -- and possibly physical -- well-being, break things off now. And if he doesn't back off, get your parents involved.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is in his 80s and I'm in my 70s. We have a traditional marriage. Each of us has our own responsibilities around the house.

I wish I could take off the months of November, December, January and February to sit and read and do less. He does blow snow occasionally, but that's it. I still have the house to clean and laundry, ironing and cooking to do. How is this fair? And why do women put up with this? -- GETTING MORE TIRED BY THE WEEK

DEAR GETTING: It isn't fair. And only you can answer why you have put up with it all these years. If you are unhappy with the division of labor in November, December, January and February, then negotiate a new labor contract. Begin with the premise, "each according to his ability ... and your need."

DEAR ABBY: I am 16 and a sophomore in high school. As someone who is exposed to social media, I see that many people emphasize sex as a sign of love. They seem to be saying a happy marriage cannot survive without sex.

My parents do not have sex and are distant with each other. They have issues between them. I'd like to know if a happy relationship can survive abstinence from sex.

I don't want to have sex until I'm married. Long-term relationships are not an exception. But guys expect the girls they date to have sex with them. Can you help me with this? -- ABSTAINING IN ALABAMA

DEAR ABSTAINING: Because someone "expects" you to have sex does not mean that you are obligated to. The decision is a personal one, and if you prefer to abstain until after you are married, that is your privilege.

A girl who has sex with a boy as a way to hang onto him will be in for a disappointment. If the sex is all that's keeping them together, he will soon wander when he becomes bored and look for another conquest.

You ask if a sexless marriage can be successful and use your parents as an example. (Are you absolutely sure this is true? Or have you assumed it because they are not demonstrative around you?) The direct answer to that question is, sometimes. No two couples are alike. Some stop having sex because they have lowered hormone levels, which makes them less interested. Sometimes one partner is unable to perform because of a medical condition. This doesn't necessarily spell the end of the marriage. It all depends upon the individuals and the situation.

On the other hand, other couples enjoy sex until they are in their 90s. As long as a husband and wife are in agreement about it, the union can be a happy and lasting one.

DEAR ABBY: With the holiday season coming, I want to offer a word of advice to parents who are considering having Santa photos taken of their kids at the mall. I managed one of those concessions and saw the best and the worst of parenting. Forcing kids to get your memory photo of them screaming in terror is ridiculous, and I will add, NOT FUNNY. Parents should take the time to ask the children if they want to see Santa.

If necessary, the parent should be in the photo, too. Don't tell the kids to smile and show their teeth. They'll look like the grill on a Ford. Don't wait till the last days, visit Santa when it's really crowded, enter a long line and then complain that the line is long.

And don't assume it's safe or that the company cares. My boss told me I shouldn't have background checks done because it "cost too much." I ordered them anyway, and when the reports were returned, we had to have one of the Santas removed immediately from the floor. -- SANTA HELPER IN FLORIDA

DEAR SANTA HELPER: Thanks for sharing your insight. I'm all for wanting to capture the memory, and during holiday time, temptation can be hard to resist. But forcing a child who finds Santa terrifying to sit on his lap for a picture doesn't seem like great parenting to me. A better idea would be to wait until Christmas morning and take some candid shots of the child opening his or her presents at home. That way the smiles will be genuine and it will ensure a better outcome for everyone involved.