DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law has asked me to pay for repairs to the passenger seat of her car. She was picking up my 9-year-old to stay the night, and when he got inside, he moved the seat forward to better fit his stature. She got upset and said, "The seat was broken. We had it set just right for me when I'm the passenger."

Since he adjusted it she hasn't been able to reset it. When I asked if there was a note on the dash that read "Do not move seat," she said no. Then I asked, if this was her best friend's son, would she be requesting money to repair an already broken seat? Her response was, "No." Am I wrong to think she was out of line to ask? -- FUMING IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR FUMING: You're not wrong. If your sister-in-law had warned your son not to touch the seat before he adjusted it, she might have a leg to stand on. However, if she's short of money and was baby-sitting your son as a favor, in the interest of keeping peace in the family, offer to contribute to the cost of the repair.

DEAR ABBY: What are the dangers of driving while on strong painkillers? Since codeine is a controlled substance that you have to sign for to receive the prescription, does it impair distance vision and reaction time?

My elderly dad says as long as he has taken the pill the night before, it's all right for him to drive. He takes about 12 different medications every day, and the pain medicine must stay in his system at all times to work effectively.

Are other drivers in danger when he drives under the influence of prescription drugs? Can he be arrested if he hits someone? His car is already dented because he hit something. It would be a shame for him to cause some innocent driver who encounters him on the highway to be crippled or die. What do you think? -- MEDICATED IN RALEIGH, N.C.

DEAR MEDICATED: I am not an expert in pharmacology. I suggest you compile a list of all the drugs your father is taking -- both prescription drugs and the over-the-counter variety. Take the list to his pharmacist and ask these questions. He or she can give you the answers you need because some drugs can interact with each other.

DEAR ABBY: A friend and I had a falling-out over a manners thing. When three people eat out together and everyone orders their own dessert, is it rude to not allow someone to take a bite of yours?

This friend wanted to taste another one's dessert and the guy said no. The friend then claimed the refuser was rude because he didn't want to share. Was the person wrong to have declined? -- JUST ONE BITE

DEAR JUST ONE: Whether to share one's food is a matter of personal preference. No rule of etiquette demands that someone do so just because it has been requested, and it wasn't rude to refuse.

DEAR ABBY: I have been working for four years. I need to work to help my husband financially. However, over the last few months, I've felt torn about not being a stay-at-home mom.

My grandmother, who is in her 70s, has been taking care of my son full time while I work, but her health isn't the greatest now. I don't trust any of the day care in my area and can't afford one anyway.

I really want to be a stay-at-home mom, but still feel obligated to help bring in money. How do I get over my guilt for not wanting to work outside the home full time? -- STUCK IN DELAWARE

DEAR STUCK: You are not the only mother who feels this kind of ambivalence. Many others are as torn as you are.

Perhaps it would help if you focus harder on thinking about this rationally rather than emotionally. When your grandmother's health no longer allows her to care for your son, you may have to cut back on your schedule to be with him -- or your husband may need to take a second job. Also, some people manage to work from home, and you may want to explore those opportunities.

DEAR ABBY: My son is more than likely going to win a trip to the Dominican Republic through his employer. He's planning to take his wife with him. Their two children will stay with me or their other grandma.

With the way the world is now, I wouldn't go on a vacation with my husband, fly to another country and leave my children behind. I would let him go alone so that in case something happens, my kids would have at least one parent left.

I understand that we should not give in to fear and give up what we like to do, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't take logical precautions. My children would be more important to me than a vacation. What is your opinion on this? -- LIVING IN THE REAL WORLD

DEAR LIVING: My opinion is that you should stay out of it, and let your son and daughter-in-law enjoy that hard-earned vacation. If they were visiting a country where the threat level was high, I might think differently. However, to repeat what you said in your letter, "we should not give in to fear and give up what we like to do" because we are afraid of what "might" happen. That's not living; it is hiding.

DEAR ABBY: I love attending religious services on Sundays and the Communion during them. I quit drinking alcohol almost 18 months ago. Our church serves wine (not grape juice) during Communion, and I have been told not to drink ANYTHING alcoholic. How do I cope with this situation? -- SOBER AND PROUD OF IT

DEAR SOBER: Congratulations on your sobriety. This is something to discuss with your clergyperson. If you have been warned that tasting the Communion wine could sabotage your sobriety, perhaps you should consider partaking only of the bread.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 34-year-old male who reads your column regularly. I usually see people asking for advice about their concerns, so I figured I would send you something different.

My wife and I have been married three months now, after living together for a year. Prior to that, we dated exclusively for three years. Abby, she's my world. We took it slow, had fun and discovered each other and ourselves. We discussed our todays and tomorrows, our hopes and dreams, our fears and misgivings, and put together a solid foundation on which to build our future. We live in the present, look forward to tomorrow and consider yesterday a gift with fond memories and lots of laughter.

We have earned each other. We have worked hard for each other. Yes, we have had our share of trying times and difficult days, but we took our time and worked out our issues as a team and as equals -- with respect, courtesy and love. We didn't rush anything, and still don't to this day. We are totally loving being together! -- LOUISVILLE LOVER

DEAR LOVER: I wish you and your wife many, many more happy years together. Thank you for an upper of a letter. I can't think of a more appropriate message to print on Valentine's Day.

DEAR ABBY: I belong to a gym that is wonderful. It has great facilities and extensive services included in the fee that encourage lots of family activities. Among the facilities are family changing rooms, which are rarely used. Because of this, I am reduced to a Monday-to-Friday schedule because on weekends many fathers bring their little girls into the male changing room (infants to 4 years of age). Today I gave it a shot and went to the gym only to encounter a dad and daughter in the male changing room, buck naked. Is this the new normal, Abby? -- NOT A DAD IN BALTIMORE

DEAR NOT A DAD: Whether it's the new normal is beside the point. If you prefer not to encounter a child of the opposite sex in the men's changing room, you should discuss this with the manager of the gym or change at home.

DEAR ABBY: I'm puzzled. When was Valentine's Day designated as a day for females only? I have always been under the impression that Feb. 14 is a day of love! I sent my late husband flowers at work one year, and when the delivery man arrived at his office, the women all rushed over to the door only to find out they were for him. My husband told me that from the look on their faces they were astonished.

Perhaps you should remind women to spoil their men on Valentine's Day and not just expect something from them. The guys need love, too. -- LOVING WIFE IN GEORGIA

DEAR LOVING WIFE: I agree that Valentine's Day should be celebrated on an equal basis. Couples who last are those who make an effort to show each other they love each other every day.

Readers, I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you all a happy Valentine's Day. I deeply appreciate the relationship I have with all of you. -- LOVE, ABBY