DEAR ABBY: My son is driving me crazy. He's worried because I don't have friends I hang out with. He said it's not normal for a woman to not want to have friends. I say it is. He said if Dear Abby says I'm OK, he will let it rest.

I work with people between 50 and 70 hours a week. I have more than a thousand townhome and condo residents to deal with, and I receive nonstop complaints day in and day out. On top of that, I must supervise vendors and contractors, answer to several boards, and have up to eight evening meetings a month.

When I finally get home, I don't want to set up a shopping or dinner date with anybody. I want to sit in peace and quiet. I don't want to be around people at all. I'm perfectly happy not having friends. Can you see my point? -- LADY WITH NO PROBLEM

DEAR LADY: I do see your point, but I can also see your son's. By turning this into an either/or situation, you may be talking past each other instead of with each other.

While you crave peace and quiet at the end of the day, he worries that you are isolating yourself. Friendships aren't supposed to drain people; they are supposed to be nurturing. People with rewarding companions they can laugh and commiserate with are happier, less stressed and live longer, so perhaps you should rethink your position.

DEAR ABBY: Ten years ago, when I lived in California, I dated the love of my life, "Tammy." We were perfect together, and I was often amazed by how much I loved her, which was palpable.

After about two years we broke up, and I moved 3,000 miles away. My rebound relationship lasted a decade and produced a beautiful baby boy. After it recently ended, I reached out to Tammy. We hadn't communicated in 10 years, and I learned that she is married with three kids and she's miserable.

She said she misses me and has never stopped loving me. We talk on the phone often, and she says she wants to see me. I have no idea where this is going, but I'd love to see her. We have decided that we will abide by your advice. What should I do? -- NOSTALGIC IN NEW YORK

DEAR NOSTALGIC: I'm glad you asked, although I doubt you will heed my advice. Here it is: You and Tammy should postpone any reunions until she has resolved her marital situation because there are more people involved now than just the two of you. Whether she remains in her unhappy marriage is anyone's guess, but if you step in now, it will only add to her troubles.

DEAR ABBY: How do I respond to a gift when I don't know whether or not it's a gag gift? My sister sent a present that appears to be expensive, but is not only awful, it's also tacky and weird. She has a great sense of humor, but added no card or message that would give us a clue how to appropriately thank her. -- NOT SURE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NOT SURE: I recommend you use the old stand-by: "How sweet of you to remember (me, us, our special day, etc.). Thank you for being such a generous sister!"

DEAR ABBY: I've been estranged from my three siblings, their spouses and their families for 35 years -- my choice. There has been no correspondence, and I have seen them only at our parents' funerals.

Since we are all in our 80s, I anticipate there will be funerals for us in the next decade. If I go first, there is no problem. However, I'm considering not attending their funerals or those of their spouses. My grown children say I MUST attend because I'm their brother. I'm concerned that I might be a distraction or there could be a confrontation. Besides, I still remember what caused my estrangement and I just don't want to see them. I know I'm stubborn, but am I wrong? -- TO GO OR NOT TO GO

DEAR GO OR NO: I disagree with your children. People attend funerals to pay their respects to the deceased and/or comfort the family who has suffered the loss. If, after 35 years, you show up at the funeral, you could, indeed, be a distraction -- unless it has been so long that nobody recognizes you.

DEAR ABBY: Is it wrong to have no interest in grandchildren? My wife is five years older than I am and she's elated with our new grandchild. I'm only 42 and I feel I'm too young to be a "Gramps." I prefer to be free from kid activities and enjoy my adult pursuits.

I have raised children for the last 20-plus years and I think it's my stepdaughter's turn to be a parent. My wife is all gung ho to watch the grandchild anytime she's free, but I'm not interested at all.

Am I wrong for wanting my own time and space with my wife? -- TOO YOUNG FOR IT IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR TOO YOUNG: No law says you must baby-sit if you don't want to. Not everyone enjoys the company of small children. If your wife enjoys doing it, that's her privilege. However, if the baby-sitting is interfering with your marriage, then you're complaining to the wrong woman, and the two of you need to work out a compromise on which you can both agree.

DEAR ABBY: I have very long hair and I'm proud of it. I have worn my hair long ever since I was a little girl. My problem is when I go somewhere, other women come up to me and start touching it.

I understand that they like my hair because they always compliment me on it, but I hate it when strangers touch me. Apparently, people have forgotten the concept of "personal space."

How can I tell someone -- without sounding rude -- to please not touch me? Or must I just keep quiet and tolerate it with a smile? -- RAPUNZEL IN DALLAS

DEAR RAPUNZEL: Not everyone enjoys being touched, particularly by strangers. If someone reaches out to pet you, smile, step back and say, "I'd prefer you not do that." You have a right to your personal space. As long as you say it in a pleasant but firm tone, no one has the right to be offended. And if someone is, refrain from making it your problem.

DEAR ABBY: I've been with my fiance for three years and I'm very much in love. A few months ago I asked to use his phone to look up something on the Internet because my battery had died. It opened up to a gay porn site! I was shocked and asked him if it was something he was looking at. He admitted that it was.

Nothing like this has happened to me before, so I began asking if that's what he likes and is into. He assured me the answer was no. He said he looked because he was simply curious about it. He told me he loves women and doesn't want to be with men. He said he was just looking.

I believe him, but is this normal behavior? -- WEIRDED OUT IN THE WEST

DEAR WEIRDED OUT: I took your question to an expert on the subject of adult entertainment viewing, Larry Flynt. He said that while CURIOSITY is normal, not many heterosexual men make a habit of viewing gay male porn sites. He added that if your fiance is a regular consumer of this kind of entertainment, he may have latent homosexual tendencies.

I then consulted Jack Drescher, M.D., a psychoanalyst and expert on gender and sexuality, who told me that some people fantasize about people of the same sex, but never act on it. According to Dr. Drescher, what is important is that you and your fiance are able to talk about sex honestly and openly. If you need more assurances, continue this discussion so that you both will know what you're getting if your betrothal leads to marriage.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 40 years is a smoker. I am not, but have learned to live with the smell, etc. Most of the time he smokes outside, except in winter, when he opens the bathroom window, smokes his cigarette, puts it out in the toilet and disposes of the butt in the trash can.

He has begun a new behavior that is really bothering me. When he wakes up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, he'll light up a cigarette, take a few puffs and then put it out and return to bed. When he gets back in our bed, he stinks! And he coughs and coughs.

I try not to nag him about his smoking, but I'd really like to bring this up. Any suggestions on how? -- IN A STINK IN ALASKA

DEAR IN A STINK: If your husband can't sleep through the night without smoking, it should be obvious to you that your husband is seriously addicted to nicotine. How sad for him. Suggest that he keep a pack of nicotine gum in the medicine cabinet and chew it rather than light up before he returns to bed. That may solve your problem.

DEAR ABBY: We rented a house for my companion's sibling reunion. During a conversation over breakfast, one sister became extremely upset with another sister for inserting herself into the conversation. I tried to make light of the situation and remarked to the offended sister that in a social gathering at a table, conversations are not private, but open and shared with others. She disagreed and insisted I was wrong. Have I been rude all of my life? Please settle this for us. -- CURIOUS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CURIOUS: You have not been rude all your life. However, in this case you were foolish to put yourself in the middle of a sibling conflict -- one that has probably been going on since the sisters were children. The next time it happens -- and it will -- pretend that you are Switzerland and remain neutral.