DEAR ABBY: How can I help a friend who needs to stand up for herself and file for divorce? Her husband is in a high-profile job that's connected with hers. He has been having an affair with a co-worker for years, and he is verbally and sometimes physically abusive. She has called the police twice, but didn't press charges.

Friends are running out of sympathy, but don't know how to help her. Is it wrong to report his behavior to his employer even though he might get fired because of it? -- NEEDS TO STAND UP

DEAR NEEDS TO STAND UP: As your friend may probably be already aware, abuse doesn't stay at the same level. It can escalate from verbal abuse to pushing and slapping to serious physical harm and sometimes even death. That's why this woman's friends should assure her they stand with her, and try to convince her to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233; thehotline.org) and arrange a safe and effective escape plan. Trained advocates at the hotline have told me that not every caller will leave after the first -- or even the second -- episode of violence, but at least she will know what she needs to do.

If she comes to you injured, get her to an emergency room for treatment and so that her wounds can be photographed. If she shows up at work with bruises, it's time to talk to human resources to see if you can get her some help, but I would not advise contacting her husband's employer.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a happily married gay man living in metro Atlanta. My 50th high school reunion is approaching and I want to take my husband. The reunion is being held in a small rural town in the Midwest. Of course, I haven't lived there in 50 years, but I go there occasionally for family events.

I come from a large family, lots of brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, and grandnieces and grandnephews, many of whom still live in my hometown. I don't know if all of them know about my situation and I'm not that concerned, but I am concerned about small-town gossip that can be mean-spirited. I wouldn't want anyone to be hurt.

I know my relatives interact professionally and personally with some of my classmates and their descendants. Am I being overly concerned, or should I just go and let the chips fall where they may? That's the thing about coming out as gay -- it's an ongoing process, even at my age. -- GAY GRADUATE IN GEORGIA

DEAR GAY GRADUATE: Go to the reunion, take your husband and have a good time. If anyone has a problem with the fact that you are homosexual and married, do not make it your problem. We can't control what someone might say behind our backs. But whatever is said is a reflection on the speaker -- not us or our relatives. Because people live in small towns does not mean they are all small-minded.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having trouble with my daily life. I have become more reserved and rarely even look at people. All I do is my schoolwork. I have lost trust in quite a few people over the years, including most of my family members. My parents have taught me to trust almost no one and to always be afraid of strangers.

I recently started high school, and I have only talked with two or three people at the most. I have really bad social anxiety, and I'm treated different from my siblings. I'm feeling like my whole life is just a lie and that I'm nothing. I feel like people can't see me -- that I'm invisible to everyone.

My family controls my life as if they are dictators. I've lost control over any decisions I make and anything I do. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so lost. Please help me! -- LOST IN EL PASO, TEXAS

DEAR LOST: I agree you need help, because I'm sure there's more to your situation -- and possibly your family's -- than you have shared. However, for you to overcome your distrust of others and the feeling that you are "invisible," you will need to confide in a trusted teacher or counselor at school.

You need more help than I can provide in a letter or my column. Licensed mental health providers routinely help individuals who suffer from social anxiety disorder, but in order to get that help, you will have to find the courage to reach out and ask for it.

DEAR ABBY: Last year I started a relationship with a woman. At first everything seemed to flow smoothly, but after a few months we started arguing. We both had issues with irritability and expressing ourselves.

"Nancy" and I broke up seven times in a four-month period. For reasons I have yet to understand, after each breakup and once we had time to cool off, we both wanted to get back together.

We recently went our separate ways again and I thought this was the last time. She has now contacted me and casually proposed getting together to "hang out" for a while. Without batting an eye, I agreed.

I don't know if I'm hung up on her because I'm truly in love with her, or because I'm just unable to move on. As a couple, we work together well -- as long as we aren't together every day. As friends, there's always an undertone of romantic interest.

I can't make heads or tails of my emotions concerning her, or hers for me. Any advice? -- UNABLE TO MOVE ON

DEAR UNABLE TO MOVE ON: Have you discussed this with Nancy? If you haven't, you should. If you both would like more from your relationship than you have been getting, it might benefit the two of you to have some couples counseling.

Sometimes people can be attracted to each other and care about each other, but something prevents the relationship from jelling. Because this push-pull has been going on for so long, it's time to find out the cause.

DEAR READERS: To those of you living where daylight saving time is observed, I offer this reminder: Don't forget to turn your clocks forward one hour at bedtime tonight. Daylight saving time begins at 2 a.m. tomorrow. Spring is coming!

DEAR ABBY: My son is driving me crazy. He's worried because I don't have friends I hang out with. He said it's not normal for a woman to not want to have friends. I say it is. He said if Dear Abby says I'm OK, he will let it rest.

I work with people between 50 and 70 hours a week. I have more than a thousand townhome and condo residents to deal with, and I receive nonstop complaints day in and day out. On top of that, I must supervise vendors and contractors, answer to several boards, and have up to eight evening meetings a month.

When I finally get home, I don't want to set up a shopping or dinner date with anybody. I want to sit in peace and quiet. I don't want to be around people at all. I'm perfectly happy not having friends. Can you see my point? -- LADY WITH NO PROBLEM

DEAR LADY: I do see your point, but I can also see your son's. By turning this into an either/or situation, you may be talking past each other instead of with each other.

While you crave peace and quiet at the end of the day, he worries that you are isolating yourself. Friendships aren't supposed to drain people; they are supposed to be nurturing. People with rewarding companions they can laugh and commiserate with are happier, less stressed and live longer, so perhaps you should rethink your position.

DEAR ABBY: Ten years ago, when I lived in California, I dated the love of my life, "Tammy." We were perfect together, and I was often amazed by how much I loved her, which was palpable.

After about two years we broke up, and I moved 3,000 miles away. My rebound relationship lasted a decade and produced a beautiful baby boy. After it recently ended, I reached out to Tammy. We hadn't communicated in 10 years, and I learned that she is married with three kids and she's miserable.

She said she misses me and has never stopped loving me. We talk on the phone often, and she says she wants to see me. I have no idea where this is going, but I'd love to see her. We have decided that we will abide by your advice. What should I do? -- NOSTALGIC IN NEW YORK

DEAR NOSTALGIC: I'm glad you asked, although I doubt you will heed my advice. Here it is: You and Tammy should postpone any reunions until she has resolved her marital situation because there are more people involved now than just the two of you. Whether she remains in her unhappy marriage is anyone's guess, but if you step in now, it will only add to her troubles.

DEAR ABBY: How do I respond to a gift when I don't know whether or not it's a gag gift? My sister sent a present that appears to be expensive, but is not only awful, it's also tacky and weird. She has a great sense of humor, but added no card or message that would give us a clue how to appropriately thank her. -- NOT SURE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NOT SURE: I recommend you use the old stand-by: "How sweet of you to remember (me, us, our special day, etc.). Thank you for being such a generous sister!"