DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 14 years. My wife is a liar and lies about small things. I realized it about 10 years ago and have tried to reason with her. We have two daughters, and the older one is like her mom and also has a habit of lying.

Over the last few years I have started calling my wife on it whenever she lies to me. For the last eight months, we have not talked and we sleep in different rooms. She has never made an effort to fix our relationship. I want a divorce, but for the kids' sake I am not talking about it or forcing the issue.

I'm very depressed and don't know what to do. I have started drinking a lot late at night when everybody in the house is asleep. Please advise. -- HAD IT IN GEORGIA

DEAR HAD IT: It's time to take a step back and review what's happened in your marriage in the sober light of day. Neither you nor your wife is communicating on a meaningful level. Drowning your sorrows in alcohol won't fix what's wrong in your relationship with a compulsive liar -- and neither will tolerating the status quo.

You say you want a divorce, but haven't mentioned it for your children's sake; however, the silent anger and hostility in your home isn't a healthy environment for them. Do you really want them to grow up thinking this is normal?

If you or your wife is concerned about how your behavior is affecting your daughters, start talking with a licensed marriage counselor to see if your marriage can be revived. If it can't be, then it might be healthier to consult an attorney and make the split as amicable as possible for everyone's emotional and financial sake.

DEAR ABBY: When my boyfriend, "Alec," proposed, I happily accepted. But a few months later he came up with the idea to bring his 9-year-old brother, "Shane," to live with him, so Alec can look after him. Alec thinks the boy will get a better education and improve his behavior if he lives in the city.

Currently, Shane lives with their mom, and she agreed to send her son to live here. The problem is, we plan to get married in two years, and I do not see myself living with an adolescent boy. I want to start out fresh only with Alec. His family can visit, but the prospect of his brother living with us does not appeal to me, especially because he has a mom who can look after him. I am unsure now whether to proceed with the wedding, knowing what this will mean. -- PLANS DERAILED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR PLANS DERAILED: Does your fiance intend to bring Shane to stay immediately? At the beginning of the next school year? Is Shane having social problems at his present school? Academic difficulties? Has he become difficult for their mother to control? Who will be expected to supervise the boy when he is not in school?

You and Alec need to have a lot more conversation about what the realities of this situation will be once the boy arrives. If Alec plans to have responsibility for his brother fall on you, you need to be honest and let him know you are neither willing nor able to do that, so he can make other arrangements.

DEAR ABBY: How can I help a friend who needs to stand up for herself and file for divorce? Her husband is in a high-profile job that's connected with hers. He has been having an affair with a co-worker for years, and he is verbally and sometimes physically abusive. She has called the police twice, but didn't press charges.

Friends are running out of sympathy, but don't know how to help her. Is it wrong to report his behavior to his employer even though he might get fired because of it? -- NEEDS TO STAND UP

DEAR NEEDS TO STAND UP: As your friend may probably be already aware, abuse doesn't stay at the same level. It can escalate from verbal abuse to pushing and slapping to serious physical harm and sometimes even death. That's why this woman's friends should assure her they stand with her, and try to convince her to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233; thehotline.org) and arrange a safe and effective escape plan. Trained advocates at the hotline have told me that not every caller will leave after the first -- or even the second -- episode of violence, but at least she will know what she needs to do.

If she comes to you injured, get her to an emergency room for treatment and so that her wounds can be photographed. If she shows up at work with bruises, it's time to talk to human resources to see if you can get her some help, but I would not advise contacting her husband's employer.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a happily married gay man living in metro Atlanta. My 50th high school reunion is approaching and I want to take my husband. The reunion is being held in a small rural town in the Midwest. Of course, I haven't lived there in 50 years, but I go there occasionally for family events.

I come from a large family, lots of brothers and sisters, nieces and nephews, and grandnieces and grandnephews, many of whom still live in my hometown. I don't know if all of them know about my situation and I'm not that concerned, but I am concerned about small-town gossip that can be mean-spirited. I wouldn't want anyone to be hurt.

I know my relatives interact professionally and personally with some of my classmates and their descendants. Am I being overly concerned, or should I just go and let the chips fall where they may? That's the thing about coming out as gay -- it's an ongoing process, even at my age. -- GAY GRADUATE IN GEORGIA

DEAR GAY GRADUATE: Go to the reunion, take your husband and have a good time. If anyone has a problem with the fact that you are homosexual and married, do not make it your problem. We can't control what someone might say behind our backs. But whatever is said is a reflection on the speaker -- not us or our relatives. Because people live in small towns does not mean they are all small-minded.

DEAR ABBY: I'm having trouble with my daily life. I have become more reserved and rarely even look at people. All I do is my schoolwork. I have lost trust in quite a few people over the years, including most of my family members. My parents have taught me to trust almost no one and to always be afraid of strangers.

I recently started high school, and I have only talked with two or three people at the most. I have really bad social anxiety, and I'm treated different from my siblings. I'm feeling like my whole life is just a lie and that I'm nothing. I feel like people can't see me -- that I'm invisible to everyone.

My family controls my life as if they are dictators. I've lost control over any decisions I make and anything I do. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so lost. Please help me! -- LOST IN EL PASO, TEXAS

DEAR LOST: I agree you need help, because I'm sure there's more to your situation -- and possibly your family's -- than you have shared. However, for you to overcome your distrust of others and the feeling that you are "invisible," you will need to confide in a trusted teacher or counselor at school.

You need more help than I can provide in a letter or my column. Licensed mental health providers routinely help individuals who suffer from social anxiety disorder, but in order to get that help, you will have to find the courage to reach out and ask for it.

DEAR ABBY: Last year I started a relationship with a woman. At first everything seemed to flow smoothly, but after a few months we started arguing. We both had issues with irritability and expressing ourselves.

"Nancy" and I broke up seven times in a four-month period. For reasons I have yet to understand, after each breakup and once we had time to cool off, we both wanted to get back together.

We recently went our separate ways again and I thought this was the last time. She has now contacted me and casually proposed getting together to "hang out" for a while. Without batting an eye, I agreed.

I don't know if I'm hung up on her because I'm truly in love with her, or because I'm just unable to move on. As a couple, we work together well -- as long as we aren't together every day. As friends, there's always an undertone of romantic interest.

I can't make heads or tails of my emotions concerning her, or hers for me. Any advice? -- UNABLE TO MOVE ON

DEAR UNABLE TO MOVE ON: Have you discussed this with Nancy? If you haven't, you should. If you both would like more from your relationship than you have been getting, it might benefit the two of you to have some couples counseling.

Sometimes people can be attracted to each other and care about each other, but something prevents the relationship from jelling. Because this push-pull has been going on for so long, it's time to find out the cause.

DEAR READERS: To those of you living where daylight saving time is observed, I offer this reminder: Don't forget to turn your clocks forward one hour at bedtime tonight. Daylight saving time begins at 2 a.m. tomorrow. Spring is coming!