DEAR ABBY: I find myself sometimes wanting to commit the most heinous of crimes. The desire to do this has been with me my entire life. I was sexually abused by my mother and oldest brother. While that's no excuse, I understand why I may be the way I am.

At 51, I have never committed any act against a young girl, but the desire is clearly there for me. The issue before me is that if I seek help for this problem, those who can provide it are required by law in this state to report me.

How am I to overcome these urges when no matter what I do I am considered guilty? -- ANONYMOUS IN AMERICA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: You should be discussing these feelings with a licensed mental health professional. If fear that you will be arrested is what is holding you back, please be aware that if the urge or feeling is not directed at anyone in particular, a therapist is not required to report what you are confiding. However, if there is a direct threat toward a specific individual, it must be reported, even if it has not yet occurred.

DEAR ABBY: I have attended many events where the national anthem has been sung by an invited guest and many where it has been pre-recorded. When the national anthem is being sung live, is it disrespectful to the performer to sing along? Some people who sing along are off-key or sing so loud they drown out the performance for the unfortunate attendees seated near them. -- AUDREY IN ARIZONA

DEAR AUDREY: Our national anthem is notoriously difficult to sing, as many professionals have discovered to their embarrassment when they tried to perform it publicly. At large events during which the anthem is played, it is not uncommon for many of the audience members to be so filled with patriotic fervor that they join in. If memory serves me, the volume is usually so loud that no one can hear what's coming out of their mouths.

To the best of my knowledge, no rule of etiquette forbids anyone from singing along with Beyonce, Lady Gaga, Garth Brooks or Renee Fleming -- if they have the nerve to try.

DEAR ABBY: I am an old lady, happy I can still get around using a cane. I would like to thank the many people who take the extra time to open a door for me or hold it open longer so I can get through. I am grateful for their help, and being offered a place ahead of them in the checkout line is beyond appreciated. Thank you, thank you.

However, may I offer a suggestion to those helpful folks, often robust men, who want to do more? If I look unsteady, please DO NOT grab me by the arm and try to steer me like an empty bicycle! Instead, hold your arm out for me to lean on and allow me to do the navigating. It may be slow, but with your help, it will be safe. -- CARYL IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR CARYL: That's an excellent suggestion, and one I hope helpful readers of both sexes will pay attention to.

DEAR ABBY: My sister and I have no interest in body piercing (except our ears), but we have seen it on friends and are not impressed. However, our 44-year-old mom got her nipples pierced and has started wearing jewelry there!

Our parents are divorced and she's not in a relationship right now, so it's not to impress a man. She says she did it to feel good about herself, which makes no sense to us. She takes off her top to show her female friends when they come over, and we can see them literally roll their eyes, but she doesn't seem to notice.

She has now started showing off her piercings to OUR friends. I'm talking about girlfriends, but even so, we find this beyond embarrassing. They're polite to her face but laugh behind her back, and word about it has spread, which we find humiliating. I suppose we should be thankful that at least she hasn't pierced her most personal place to show off to our friends like we've seen some girls do.

We think some kind of midlife crisis or hormonal imbalance is causing her to act this way, but we wish she'd find a better outlet. If she wants to make a fool of herself in front of her friends, that's one thing. But we don't think she has the right to embarrass us in front of our friends! What can we do? -- EMBARRASSED IN THE WEST

DEAR EMBARRASSED: I agree that what your mother has been doing is inappropriate. That she has done it among her friends is one thing, but for her to disrobe to show your friends her nipple piercings is wrong. She may do this because she wants to prove to them (or herself) that she's still young and "with-it." If that's the case, it's pathetic.

If you haven't told her that when she flashes your friends it's embarrassing and you want her to stop, you should. If she realizes she's making herself a laughingstock, she may stop. However, if she doesn't, then you and your sister will have to accept that you can't change her, and realize that what she's doing is no reflection on the two of you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a "catfisher." I use a fake Facebook account with pictures of an attractive woman to attract men. I specifically target married or committed men. I talk to and flirt with them online to see how far they'll go. They often ask me for more pictures and invite me to meet somewhere for sex. I never give real information or meet any of them.

My question is, should I let the women these men are involved with know that their men are unfaithful or keep it to myself? -- KARMA IN GEORGIA

DEAR KARMA: How can you be concerned for the wives and girlfriends when YOU are the person providing the temptation? I think you would be better served if you worked on your own problem before you try to resolve the issues of people you have never met and never will.

DEAR READERS: I promised "Heartbroken Mom From Anywhere" (Oct. 5) to print letters from readers offering suggestions about helping her teen daughter, who is a cutter:

DEAR ABBY: I am a 33-year-old woman who has cut for many years, starting early in high school. What concerns me is the mom doesn't completely understand what's going on. Not many people do.

Self-harm is a cry for help from someone who doesn't know how to voice his or her emotions. I, too, was bullied and didn't know how to express the pain I was feeling, so I took it out on my body. Over the years it became my coping mechanism, although an unhealthy one.

Helping someone who is self-harming requires understanding and a licensed professional to identify the emotions and suggest better ways to express them. One that worked for me was doing puzzles. It was a way to keep my mind and hands busy.

This teen also needs to know she is not alone. Parents need to listen. I cannot stress how important it is for cutters to know someone is there for them with love and no judgment. -- KNOWS FROM EXPERIENCE IN MISSOURI

DEAR ABBY: I grew up in a dysfunctional household with abusive parents. When I would cut, it was like I could feel all my pent-up emotions leaking out through the wounds on my legs. The physical pain was bearable and distracted me from everything that was going on in my life, and I would feel a little bit better about myself and a little less desperate.

Cutting is a powerful addiction. Even now, more than 10 years later, when things get bad I feel a compulsion to just make one small cut. What helped me to stop cutting wasn't counseling or medication. It was becoming passionate about active hobbies that allowed me to release my bottled-up feelings and stress and feel good at the same time. -- FORMER CUTTER IN MINNESOTA

DEAR ABBY: I have worked in psychiatry for 10 years and have found that some of these children have been sexually molested. Some told their parents and were not believed because it was the mother's boyfriend, a family friend or a relative. Carrying this around is a heavy burden.

Parents need to show the child they will look into the allegation. We should be a safe place for our kids to offload all their fears and insecurities, because we have a duty to protect them from abuse. -- IN THE FIELD IN BROOKLYN, N.Y.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a cutter from age 9 to the present -- age 22 -- though now it's less frequent. The biggest mistake my parents and friends made when I was really destructive was forcing me to commit to ultimatums. It turned my cutting into a shameful thing, isolated me and made it impossible to talk about it.

I advise "Heartbroken" to keep talking to her daughter (not nagging) about cutting, bullying, school and things the girl likes. Share activities with her. Take her hiking, bicycling, to museums or movies. Spending time with her is important for distraction and bonding. Physical activity can help depressed individuals feel better.

And she should understand that recovery is never a straight line. There will be hiccups, setbacks and days when it doesn't seem like it will get better. Eventually, with therapy (via counselors, bonding with friends/family, connection with nature/animals) and learning better coping habits, she will improve. Patience and support are imperative. -- KYLE IN PENNSYLVANIA