DEAR ABBY: I am a single father of teenage boys. I have always played an active role in my children's lives, physically, emotionally and financially. My older son lives with me; my younger sons live with their mother.

I am bisexual and have always been attracted to both men and women. It took me a long time to admit it to myself. I suffered from depression for many years as I struggled with my sexual identity. Unfortunately, I was diagnosed with HIV. Since then, I have been on medication and live a very healthy lifestyle.

None of my children knows about my sexuality or my diagnosis. I have wanted to tell them for a while now, but I can never bring myself to do it. I'm afraid that if I tell them, they'll be ashamed of me and it will add unnecessary stress in their lives. On the other hand, I'm tired of keeping secrets. Furthermore, I worry about the possibility that they could find out from someone else.

All four of us will be together for an event in a couple of months. I feel this could be a good opportunity to tell them. Or should I tell them on their own, individually? Am I selfish for wanting to tell my children? Or am I foolish for not telling them? -- KEEPING SECRETS

DEAR KEEPING SECRETS: If your children ask you about your health or your sexual orientation, do not lie to them. However, I see no reason for you to make a blanket announcement about this now because I sincerely believe that most young people do not care to know.

If you wind up partnering with another man, they will at some point begin to draw their own conclusions. If your health takes a turn for the worse, they will need to know your status. Until then, my advice is to keep mum.

DEAR ABBY: I want to get my belly button pierced this year for my 15th birthday, but my parents said no. It's just getting my belly button pierced. They let me dye my hair and get my cartilage pierced -- so why not my belly button?

It's not going to affect my parents whatsoever. It's my body. I think they should let me do reasonable things to it, like get my belly button pierced. I just don't get it. -- UNPIERCED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR UNPIERCED: Your parents may be afraid that if you get your belly button pierced you will want to expose that area of your body to show it off -- and they would prefer that you dress more modestly until you're older. They could also be concerned that your piercing might become infected. Whatever their reason, as a minor, you should not get anything pierced without their permission.

DEAR ABBY: Last week one of my associates asked me out for drinks. I have been working with him for the same length of time that I have been married. I know he's interested because he has been texting me about unrelated work things and is always flirting.

I am very much in love with my husband, but my co-worker is very tempting. I'm worried about hurting my husband, but at the same time I'm excited about what this new man can offer me. Did I mention that he's the top lawyer of the firm? -- TEMPTED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR TEMPTED: Let's pretend for a moment that the situation was reversed and this letter came from the husband you "love very much." How would you feel if he acted on his temptation? When people marry, they promise each other certain things, chief among them fidelity. That "Alpha Dog" may want to have a fling with you may be flattering, but it isn't necessarily a compliment.

Take a step back and consider what could happen to your career at that firm and how you would feel if things don't go the way you'd like. (Example: An attractive woman is hired and you are dropped like a hot potato.) I'm guessing that you are not the first woman this has happened to in that office.

DEAR ABBY: My oldest daughter feels we should be available to watch or pick up our grandkids whenever she calls. I suffer from chronic pain and have good days and bad. I never know when I'll have a bad day.

My daughter asks me to watch or have overnights with her children a month in advance. I don't know how I will be doing then, but if I cancel because I'm not feeling well, she gets bent out of shape. We have had fights about this, and I need someone else's advice.

I raised my kids and I love my grandkids, but sometimes I don't feel well enough to baby-sit or have an overnight. Are grandparents obligated to watch their grandkids whenever their parents need them? -- FEELING USED IN OREGON

DEAR FEELING USED: If you're feeling used, then you probably are. Your health concerns surely are no mystery to your daughter. Tell her you are glad to look after the grandchildren if you are up to it. But in case you aren't, she should have an alternate ready to step in should the need arise, because it MAY. And don't apologize for it.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is being married soon and we are getting ready to mail out the invitations. We have three couples who will not be married when the invitations are mailed, but will be by the wedding. Should we address their invitations using their single names or married names? -- CHARLOTTE IN AKRON, OHIO

DEAR CHARLOTTE: Not all women these days change their names to their husband's. Address the invitations using the names these couples are using now. At the wedding reception, the place cards can reflect any name changes that are necessary.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating an alcoholic for three years. He recently entered a treatment program because after his last binge he tried to kill himself. He seems to be committed to his program and staying sober.

He has requested that I stay sober with him for at least a year. While I'm fully committed to our relationship and support him, I don't feel that it's fair that I should have to completely forgo drinking because he has a problem. I'm not looking to go out and party every night -- those days are over for me -- but I'd like to enjoy an occasional beer with a friend or a glass of wine with my mom.

When I approached him about my doing so, he became upset. He said if I have this one exception, he believes the exceptions will continue and I will be at his old level of drinking. Do you think his request is reasonable? -- SOBER IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SOBER: That depends upon whether you, too, had an alcohol problem before your boyfriend joined the program and were his drinking buddy. If the answer is yes, I don't think his request is unreasonable. However, your boyfriend may be afraid that if you drink regularly, it may threaten his newfound sobriety. If that's the case, if you love him, you should refrain for a year as he has requested.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have the same argument every year or so. It's about dancing with other people when we're out for the evening. I feel that "grinding" is sexual and that it's inappropriate for someone in a relationship to do it with anyone else.

I made my sentiments clear to her when we first started dating, but it seems that about every year when we are out, she'll start dancing with some guy in a very provocative manner. I'll get unhappy about it, but when I confront her, she gets angry with me and says that it means I don't trust her. I trust that she's not going to go off and sleep with some random guy, but I feel it is wrong because she knows how I feel about it. How can I get her to see it my way? -- PRINCIPLED IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR PRINCIPLED: She already knows it upsets you, so try this. Get up, join her and her partner on the dance floor, and start doing the "sandwich." And make sure that the person in the middle is YOU.

DEAR ABBY: My husband is in poor health, and when his time comes, I would like to have him stuffed. It would be comforting to see him sitting in his favorite chair in the living room. That way I'd always know where he is, plus he wouldn't be asking me for another beer all the time. My kids don't like the idea. What about you, Abby? -- DESERT HOT SPRINGS, CALIF.

DEAR D.H.S.: Grief makes people do strange things. I'm not sure you are thinking this through. Once you are finished grieving, you may meet someone you want to watch a game with and need that chair.