DEAR ABBY: I'm wondering how to approach a situation following a visit with some relatives. We enjoyed a wonderful visit and they were very nice to put us up in their guest room. A few days into our stay, I woke up with strange and very itchy bites on my legs and shoulders. When I mentioned it to our host, she quickly supplied me with some itch cream and changed the subject.

After we returned home, we met a few of our relatives and they mentioned that this particular household was experiencing a bed bug problem. I was shocked and a little hurt that they didn't mention the infestation or warn us ahead of time.

We're in the process of making sure we didn't bring any of these critters home, but if we must hire an exterminator or replace furniture, we will be in a bind financially. What would be the proper way to address this, and should our host feel some responsibility for what costs we may have to incur? -- ITCHY AND IRRITATED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ITCHY: That these relatives would knowingly allow you to stay in a room they knew was infested with "critters" is appalling. Could they have been too embarrassed to speak up?

If you must replace rugs, mattresses, bedding, etc., ask them to reimburse you. If they refuse, you could take them to small claims court and get a judgment IF you could prove you picked the bugs up there. But first you should let your relatives know that other family members told you about their "sin of omission." In the future, if you plan to visit this couple again, stay elsewhere. Once bitten, twice shy.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "George" for 20 years. We have a solid relationship except for one thing that drives me crazy: He insists on having his ex-wife cut his hair.

I have told him over and over that I really dislike it and I wish he would go elsewhere, but he refuses. Now he's going behind my back and waiting for me to notice that he's had a haircut. He used to at least tell me beforehand. It would take an entire column to describe her past behavior, but it's not all that different from many exes.

I think what he's doing is disrespectful to me. I would never continue doing something he asked me not to if it bothered him. There are a lot of hairstylists in this town, and her haircuts aren't that great. Am I being unreasonable? -- BOTHERED IN IDAHO

DEAR BOTHERED: Your husband has been doing this for 20 years and you are only writing to me about it now? Because it bothers you, the next time he goes over to get his hair cut, volunteer to go with him. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em -- and maybe get a manicure in the process.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single father of teenage boys. I have always played an active role in my children's lives, physically, emotionally and financially. My older son lives with me; my younger sons live with their mother.

I am bisexual and have always been attracted to both men and women. It took me a long time to admit it to myself. I suffered from depression for many years as I struggled with my sexual identity. Unfortunately, I was diagnosed with HIV. Since then, I have been on medication and live a very healthy lifestyle.

None of my children knows about my sexuality or my diagnosis. I have wanted to tell them for a while now, but I can never bring myself to do it. I'm afraid that if I tell them, they'll be ashamed of me and it will add unnecessary stress in their lives. On the other hand, I'm tired of keeping secrets. Furthermore, I worry about the possibility that they could find out from someone else.

All four of us will be together for an event in a couple of months. I feel this could be a good opportunity to tell them. Or should I tell them on their own, individually? Am I selfish for wanting to tell my children? Or am I foolish for not telling them? -- KEEPING SECRETS

DEAR KEEPING SECRETS: If your children ask you about your health or your sexual orientation, do not lie to them. However, I see no reason for you to make a blanket announcement about this now because I sincerely believe that most young people do not care to know.

If you wind up partnering with another man, they will at some point begin to draw their own conclusions. If your health takes a turn for the worse, they will need to know your status. Until then, my advice is to keep mum.

DEAR ABBY: I want to get my belly button pierced this year for my 15th birthday, but my parents said no. It's just getting my belly button pierced. They let me dye my hair and get my cartilage pierced -- so why not my belly button?

It's not going to affect my parents whatsoever. It's my body. I think they should let me do reasonable things to it, like get my belly button pierced. I just don't get it. -- UNPIERCED IN WISCONSIN

DEAR UNPIERCED: Your parents may be afraid that if you get your belly button pierced you will want to expose that area of your body to show it off -- and they would prefer that you dress more modestly until you're older. They could also be concerned that your piercing might become infected. Whatever their reason, as a minor, you should not get anything pierced without their permission.

DEAR ABBY: Last week one of my associates asked me out for drinks. I have been working with him for the same length of time that I have been married. I know he's interested because he has been texting me about unrelated work things and is always flirting.

I am very much in love with my husband, but my co-worker is very tempting. I'm worried about hurting my husband, but at the same time I'm excited about what this new man can offer me. Did I mention that he's the top lawyer of the firm? -- TEMPTED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR TEMPTED: Let's pretend for a moment that the situation was reversed and this letter came from the husband you "love very much." How would you feel if he acted on his temptation? When people marry, they promise each other certain things, chief among them fidelity. That "Alpha Dog" may want to have a fling with you may be flattering, but it isn't necessarily a compliment.

Take a step back and consider what could happen to your career at that firm and how you would feel if things don't go the way you'd like. (Example: An attractive woman is hired and you are dropped like a hot potato.) I'm guessing that you are not the first woman this has happened to in that office.

DEAR ABBY: My oldest daughter feels we should be available to watch or pick up our grandkids whenever she calls. I suffer from chronic pain and have good days and bad. I never know when I'll have a bad day.

My daughter asks me to watch or have overnights with her children a month in advance. I don't know how I will be doing then, but if I cancel because I'm not feeling well, she gets bent out of shape. We have had fights about this, and I need someone else's advice.

I raised my kids and I love my grandkids, but sometimes I don't feel well enough to baby-sit or have an overnight. Are grandparents obligated to watch their grandkids whenever their parents need them? -- FEELING USED IN OREGON

DEAR FEELING USED: If you're feeling used, then you probably are. Your health concerns surely are no mystery to your daughter. Tell her you are glad to look after the grandchildren if you are up to it. But in case you aren't, she should have an alternate ready to step in should the need arise, because it MAY. And don't apologize for it.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is being married soon and we are getting ready to mail out the invitations. We have three couples who will not be married when the invitations are mailed, but will be by the wedding. Should we address their invitations using their single names or married names? -- CHARLOTTE IN AKRON, OHIO

DEAR CHARLOTTE: Not all women these days change their names to their husband's. Address the invitations using the names these couples are using now. At the wedding reception, the place cards can reflect any name changes that are necessary.