DEAR ABBY: "Doesn't Want to Lose Him" (Dec. 16) wants breast implants, but her boyfriend is against it. I had breast augmentation at age 27 for the same reasons she wants them. I was flat-chested, and clothing, especially summer clothing, never fit or looked right.

My husband was supportive, and it turned out to be one of the best things I've done for my self-confidence. I not only became more outgoing, but my career also took off.

I want to urge "Doesn't" to talk to her plastic surgeon about her goals. She shouldn't allow herself to be pushed into a larger size than she feels comfortable with, and she shouldn't be unrealistic about how it will change her.

She implied that the surgery wouldn't alter who she is inside, but isn't that her goal -- to have more self-assurance? She'll see a big change in her life. It will be gradual, but she'll become a more confident version of herself.

She should forget the boyfriend if he can't find it in himself to be supportive, because if she does get the implants, I predict that in a year, she will have outgrown him anyway. (Pun intended.) -- KNOWS WELL IN SAVANNAH

DEAR KNOWS WELL: Thank you for your comments. Readers had various reactions to this letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I doubt that implants will give her anything more than a superficial boost in confidence, because external attractiveness is fleeting. I'd suggest she look inward for self-esteem rather than try to paste it onto her outsides. Values such as kindness, compassion, development of her talents, expanding her awareness and being of service to others will give her self-esteem to last a lifetime.

I've been small-breasted all my life and admit that sometimes I have wished I had more "up front," but now at 66, I have a healthy, fit body and have learned self-acceptance. -- M.H. IN BERKELEY, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I was lucky my husband didn't have any objections. I had it done, but never expected the pain to be so bad. I felt better about the way clothes looked on me, but that feeling didn't last.

I recently had them removed because I suspected they were leaking (saline). They were uncomfortable. I could sleep only on my back. Running was not fun. They didn't feel natural and they didn't look great naked. I realized having them was a big mistake.

Afterward, I found out they hadn't leaked; they had just "shifted." I feel better now and no one noticed anything. I've heard others love their implants, but I just wanted to let "Doesn't" know there are some women who regret having it done. -- LEE IN HILO, HAWAII

DEAR ABBY: I wanted breast implants about 10 years ago because my proportions were off and clothes didn't fit well. My then-boyfriend tried to talk me out of it, but I didn't listen.

Abby, I have never once regretted getting implants. I'm happy, healthy and more confident. Looking back, I believe my boyfriend tried to talk me out of it because he was afraid of other men noticing me. He'd say things to make me feel self-conscious about my appearance. I suspect he knew I'd eventually wise up and the surgery would expedite it. Today, I'm married to a wonderful man who doesn't mind my assets at all. -- HAPPY IN BRANDON, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: There's a strange irony here. The greatest challenge to the woman's self-esteem is her boyfriend -- not because he is against the implants, but because of the belittling way he talks to her. In keeping with her low self-image, she has chosen a mate who feels threatened by her desire to be more confident.

A nurturing boyfriend would lift her up more than any breast enhancement could. If she had a more supportive boyfriend, she would probably decide she didn't need the surgery. What a paradox! -- JON IN BALTIMORE

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of 5 1/2 years died unexpectedly. Like so many other Americans, he didn't have life insurance or any money to cover his funeral. For the last 2 1/2 years I provided the primary financial support when he came and lived with me.

His mother made the decisions about the casket and service. She asked that money instead of flowers be given to help pay for the cost of the funeral. Around $4,000 is still owed. She now says the remaining cost should be divided between her, her ex­husband and me.

I don't think I should be obligated to assume a third of the funeral costs. If I had been married to him, the situation would be different. I have friends and family who agree with me and others who don't. If I tell his mother it isn't my responsibility to pay, she and other family members may never speak to me again. What is your response to this scenario? -- WHO IS RESPONSIBLE?

DEAR WHO: This may seem negative, but of this I am positive: Even if you do pay a third of the funeral expenses, those people may turn away from you anyway. So do as your conscience dictates and nobody else.

DEAR ABBY: It has been more than 30 years since I knew the whereabouts of my brother, my only sibling. Over the years, I have searched for him off and on, especially when there were major life events. Both of our parents have died, with my mother cursing him at the end. My family believed he was probably dead since no one had heard from him, even to ask for money.

Yesterday, I Googled his name, and to my surprise his mug shot popped up. It appears he has been incarcerated for most of the 30 years and has a rap sheet a mile long. Nothing violent, just stealing. I am saddened to have seen his photo this way and wonder why he never reached out to me. He has been alone, a criminal, for most of his life with no one to love or care about him.

My husband says don't contact him, and I probably shouldn't. I'd just like him to know that I have missed him and I am sad his life turned out this way. Am I a fool to want to know this hardened criminal? I am justifiably afraid that he could be big trouble. Please advise. -- SAD SISTER IN TEXAS

DEAR SAD SISTER: Your brother may have refrained from contacting the family because he was ashamed of the mess he had made of his life. So let's follow your question to its logical conclusion.

You contact your incarcerated, career-criminal brother and tell him how sad you are that his life turned out this way. Then what? What will you do if he wants to correspond with you? If he wants money? If he needs a place to stay if he's ever released?

Unless you are prepared to assume responsibility for someone you have had no contact with in decades, listen to your husband. You already have the information you were searching for, so don't go looking for trouble -- because your brother IS trouble.

DEAR READERS: It's National Women's Health Week, so here's a gentle reminder to make your health a priority. Eat healthy, allow time for exercise, manage your stress levels, and schedule that appointment you've been putting off to see your doctor or dentist. Your most precious possession is your health, so please take care of it. For more information, visit womenshealth.gov. -- Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I am sometimes invited to friends' birthday parties and, while I enjoy the celebration, I have one hang-up. When it's time to blow out the candles, sometimes my friends will blow real hard or even need more than one breath. (We're not exactly spring chickens.) To me, this is the equivalent of spitting all over the cake, and I can't bring myself to eat any after this display.

What is a "nice" way of saying, "I don't want any cake," without falling back on the old, "I'm trying to lose weight," especially since other snacks and drinks are also being served? I don't want to be a ... PARTY POOPER

DEAR PARTY POOPER: Your distaste is shared by many people. An effective way to handle the problem would be to mention your "quirk" to your friends long before their birthdays roll around. You could also set an example when your birthday arrives by serving cupcakes instead of a large one to your guests. Many people avoid the problem in this way -- and the portions are perfect.

DEAR ABBY: My handsome, intelligent, physically fit husband looks much younger than his age. But he is vain and won't get hearing aids. Because he can't hear, he stands looking at people with a faraway expression on his face that makes him appear like he has dementia. It takes him a while to process the spoken word, and then sometimes he gets it wrong. He has gotten angry with me because he couldn't understand something I was saying.

Any tips for me and others on how to deal with this? I'm ready to quit trying to have a conversation with him. He could easily afford to buy hearing aids. -- END OF MY ROPE IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR END: What's going on is not only not good for your relationship with your husband, but also extremely isolating for him. I do have a suggestion for you: Discuss your concerns with your family physician. Perhaps if the doctor suggests he have his hearing checked by an audiologist, your husband will be less likely to tune the message out. Advances in hearing aids are being made all the time, and some of them fit into the ear canal and are hard to detect.

DEAR ABBY: I would like to give a wedding gift to a friend's son who is being married soon. We were not invited to the wedding. Is this OK? -- NOT INVITED IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR NOT INVITED: Not only would it be OK to give the happy couple a gift as a token of your good wishes, but it is generous of you to want to under the circumstances.

DEAR READERS: Today I am wishing a very happy Mother's Day to moms everywhere -- birth mothers, adoptive and foster mothers, stepmothers and grandmothers who are raising grandchildren. My heartfelt applause to you all for what you do every day. -- LOVE, ABBY