DEAR ABBY: I'm a senior (girl) in high school and have been dating a sophomore even though he's less than a year younger than I am. (I'm very young for my grade.) We have a lot in common and I think we both love each other a lot.

Next fall, I'm planning on going to a local community college, but I won't be too far away. I think my boyfriend has more interest in the military or a vocational career than college, but he's very serious and mature for his age. I know college will be a chance for me to meet new people and I don't want to limit my chances, but if I'm still interested in dating him, would it be "proper"?

I was already hesitant about dating him because he was younger, although I knew if the situation was reversed it wouldn't be a problem. Assuming everything still works out between us, is it OK for a college girl to date a high school boy? I'm not sure how to handle this. I know things may change before fall, but I'm getting anxious about it now. He has already said that he would still like to date me if I want to, so it's basically up to me. -- ANXIOUS IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR ANXIOUS: As far as I know, there is no rule forbidding a college freshman continuing to date someone who is still in high school. Because the choice is yours, I suggest you just let this play out.

College will present you with a chance to widen not only your range of interests, but also your circle of acquaintances. You owe it to yourself to take advantage of everything that college offers. If you wish to continue seeing your current boyfriend, do so. However, it would be better for both of you if it is done on a non-exclusive basis for the next few years.

DEAR ABBY: Several times recently when I have invited people to parties or dinners at our home, they have surprised me by responding with not only their regrets but also with a counteroffer. For example: "Sorry, we're busy the evening of the 22nd, but could you have us over the following Thursday?"

How should I respond to this? I'm trying to invite them for a specific event, not open a negotiation. It feels like the subtext is that our schedule is less important than our potential guests' and we should be prepared to entertain them whatever day they have open. On the other hand, this has happened so often I'm starting to wonder if social obligations are now being handled in the same way as business meetings and I should just adjust to it. What's your opinion? -- COUNTEROFFERS IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR COUNTEROFFERS: You should entertain on the schedule that's most convenient for you. If someone has a conflict, you should (sweetly) tell the person you will miss having them. Period.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 15 years has recently begun spending a lot of time with a group of women who socialize away from their husbands. They like to meet without their husbands and party at pick-up nightclubs and swingers' bars. When I asked her about it, her response was, "It's just us girls dancing with each other and having a good time. We dance with each other at the table we're at. We never dance with any of the men who ask us." When I asked why they go to these kinds of places, she said the atmosphere and music are better there.

Abby, I object to this type of partying. We married to be together. She's now accusing me of being jealous and possessive. Am I wrong to want her to stop? I think what she's doing is dangerous. -- PLEASE STOP IN ARIZONA

DEAR PLEASE STOP: No, you're not wrong. Your wife partying regularly at swingers' bars and pick-up joints IS a threat to your marriage. If the shoe were on the other foot and you were the one out drinking and dancing while she sat at home, she'd probably feel the same way you're feeling now, unless you had both agreed on an open relationship.

Spouses who treat each other without consideration for the other's feelings usually wind up divorced, so while there is time to save your marriage, some sessions with a marriage counselor would be a good investment.

DEAR ABBY: My mom died of cancer last year at the young age of 63. (I am 30.) Not one member of my husband's mother's family (other than my MIL and FIL, whom we live with) acknowledged her death in any way. There were no phone calls, no sympathy cards, no "I'm sorry for your loss," NOTHING. My family and I were extremely hurt by their behavior. We feel that some sort of apology or explanation is in order.

Some members of my mother-in-law's family are now nearing death themselves, and I know I will be expected to go along with my husband, in-laws and their extended family to the various services "out of respect." The problem is, my respect for them no longer exists. Any advice? -- DISRESPECTED ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR DISRESPECTED: Yes. If you prefer not to attend, stay home. And if you are asked why you didn't show up, tell them the reason.

DEAR ABBY: A family with young children just moved into the house across the street. They seem like nice people, but one thing concerns me.

Day and night, their 6-year-old son rides his bike all over the street unsupervised, and darts across without looking. Most of the residents on our street drive carefully, but every so often a strange car or two will barrel through. I'm worried that the boy will get hit one of these days.

Should someone go to the parents and tell them their child isn't safe? Or is it nobody's business to scold people on how to raise their children? -- CONCERNED NEIGHBOR

DEAR CONCERNED NEIGHBOR: Go there not to scold but to welcome your new neighbors. And while you're there, warn the parents that some drivers ignore the speed limit while driving down that street, so it's important they stress to their boy the importance of looking both ways when he's on his bike.

DEAR ABBY: I've heard that your dessert recipes are unmatchable and I'd like to have them. Some time ago, I saw a column that mentioned cookbooklets you have available for purchase. I hope that this is still correct, because I'm interested in ordering them.

By the way, what is your favorite dessert recipe, Abby? -- ANITA IN SADDLE BROOK, N.J.

DEAR ANITA: That's a hard question to answer because I have a notorious sweet tooth. The Coconut Cake With Custard Frosting, Chocolate Cake With Fluffy White Frosting (and chocolate drippings!), Cheesecake, Pecan Pie, the Chocolate Mousse and -- believe it or not -- the Fruitcake recipe, which is filled with nuts but not "cakey," are all favorites of mine. I have also served the Almond Coffeecake, Heavenly Peanut Butter Pie and Sweet Potato Pie to friends while entertaining, and received the ultimate compliment -- a request for "just a little more."

All of the recipes in my two cookbooklets have been used again and again. Some of them have won blue ribbons at county fairs; others have been featured on the covers of women's magazines. The booklets are still available and can be ordered by sending your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $14 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. My cookbooklet set contains more than 100 tasty recipes that also include soups, salads, appetizers and, of course, main courses. I know you will enjoy them all because my family and dinner guests -- as well as other readers -- have raved about them.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Donna," and I are former co-workers. She divorced recently but has hooked up -- and is shacking up -- with a co-worker of mine, "James." James and I work on the same shift every weekend. Ugh!

James invited a woman to the job for a lunch date. Should I say something to Donna? I'm not a fan of his because he seemed sneaky before the "lunch date." Donna says she's happy. We limit our conversation about him because I hate to badmouth him knowing how she feels about him. But I'm bothered knowing he didn't care enough to not let on to me about his infidelity. It's like he wants me to bring the bad news. I haven't, but I need to know how to proceed.

My husband says I should mind my own business to keep work stress-free. What is your advice? -- HATES WORKPLACE DRAMA

DEAR H.W.D.: For now, I'm voting with your husband. One lunch date is not an affair, and you don't know what James' relationship with the woman may be. It could be innocent, so give him the benefit of the doubt.

However, if he continues to bring her around, I can see how you might want to ask Donna who the woman is. That's not bringing bad news; it's an innocent question.