DEAR ABBY: Mom is 61. She lost her husband (my dad) six months ago. They had been married for 37 years. He used to do almost everything for her. Now her world has changed because she must do things for herself -- like doing the dishes or paying the bills.

When we talk, she constantly complains about tasks that have the simplest of solutions. If I offer advice, she gets defensive and says, "Fine! Tell me how I should live my life." I have reached the conclusion that she doesn't want advice, but she continues to complain and be upset. My siblings and I don't live close by. How can we help her? -- CARING DAUGHTER IN COLORADO

DEAR DAUGHTER: Six months ago, your mother lost half of her "self." Tasks that seem ordinary to you are still new to her. Resist the urge to help with advice unless you are specifically asked. And recognize that when she complains, rather than looking for advice, she may be venting about her pain and frustration.

DEAR ABBY: I often see parents "help" their elementary school-age kids violate safety laws. For example, if they are running late, they'll hurry their kids across an intersection against the flashing red hand signal, or jaywalk across the middle of a busy street instead of going to the corner. This saves them about two minutes.

I also see parents watch their kids playing on their skateboards right under a sign that says "No skateboards." These kids are old enough to read and understand the signs and signals.

Sometimes I call out to the parent, "Nice job teaching your kids how to get away with something!" or, "I hope your kids remind you about this when they are teenagers and want to do something stupid!" The parents always ignore me. Can you suggest a better comment I can yell out? -- DON IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DON: What you are witnessing is regrettable. However, my advice is to keep your mouth shut, because you're not going to teach parents like the ones you have described anything with a shout-out.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have an ongoing disagreement. He said I should write to you to see what you thought.

When we're in a group, I say it's rude to make plans that don't include others who are standing with us. He has no problem with it. I'm uncomfortable discussing where to go for dinner with four members of a group when others are standing beside us. He says I am too sensitive and too easily embarrassed. What do you think? -- DISAGREEMENT IN OHIO

DEAR DISAGREEMENT: I don't think that you are too sensitive. While discussing where to go for dinner in front of people who haven't been invited isn't "rude," it is insensitive because they may feel excluded.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband for 28 years. During our first year of marriage, I caught him making out with an old classmate of mine. He assured me that it was only that and nothing else, so I decided to work through it.

We have five beautiful children now, and I'm not sure why I brought up that episode, but when I did I came to find out that he did, in fact, have sex with her. He swears it was that one and only time.

I can't find it in my heart to believe him after he held on to this lie for all these years. I would have never given him a second chance had I known back then. I would have moved on with my life.

We still have two little ones to raise, but I feel as torn and heartbroken as if it happened yesterday. He's a great father to our children and has been a wonderful husband, but is that enough anymore? -- SALTED HEART

DEAR SALTED HEART: Your husband most likely realized that if he told you the truth about his fling when it happened, the marriage would be over, which is why he lied. You have had 28 happy years of marriage to someone you say is a great father and wonderful husband. I can understand why you are upset, but think rationally.

If marriage counseling would make you feel better, please go for it and forgive him. To throw away everything you and your husband have invested in this marriage over something that happened almost three decades ago would be foolish, and you will regret it.

DEAR ABBY: I had a color and haircut and gave the stylist a generous tip. When I got home I noticed that one side was uneven, so I called the owner of the shop, who told me to return the next day and they would fix the problem. No charge.

I returned, and another stylist corrected the problem. I asked again about the charge and the owner repeated, "No charge." I didn't tip the second person as I had tipped the first one after paying for the color/cut.

As I was leaving the salon, I overheard another salon worker ask the employee who had fixed my hair, "Did she not give you a tip?" Given the original expense, I didn't feel another tip was warranted. Did I do the right thing? -- NO TIP IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR NO TIP: You should have given the second stylist a tip. The salon owner told you the service was free, but the second stylist should not have been punished for the sloppy work of the first one.

DEAR ABBY: My brother is getting married the same day and time that my wife graduates from college. The wedding date has been set for a year and a half. My wife found out a few months ago that there would be a conflict. I'm expected to be at my brother's wedding to escort my mom down the aisle. Which do I attend? -- CAN'T BE IN TWO PLACES

DEAR CAN'T BE: With apologies to your wife, you should honor the commitment you made first.

DEAR ABBY: During a recent family dinner, my uncle presented an odd gift to everyone there. He's in his mid-50s and involved in the community and government of a small town. He and other "public figures" -- most of them older -- decided to publish a calendar. On each page there is a nude photo of an aging community luminary posing with strategically placed objects covering his/her "goods." To say the least, the photos are not flattering, funny or particularly modest.

Not only did my uncle give one to every family member -- including my 80-year-old grandparents -- but he took pains to point out HIS photo. The awkward silence that followed ruined an otherwise nice family dinner.

Did this gift cross the line? Is there a rule of etiquette regarding risque pictures of oneself? And how do I make sure I never have to see any other family members in their birthday suits without my consent? -- FLABBERGASTED IN THE HEARTLAND

DEAR "FLAB": Personally, I think the premise of the calendar is a hoot. While your uncle may have wanted to "shock" the family, I'm sure he didn't intend to offend anyone. A movie was made a few years ago about a group of older women in an English village who did something similar to raise money for charity.

I'm sorry your family was offended, but I'm sure they'll recover and so will you. In the future, don't accept any gifts from this relative unless they have a warning label.

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Sara" invites herself and her two children over to play with mine from time to time. When it's time to have a snack or eat, she and her kids make themselves at home -- especially with the milk.

Abby, I work 70 hours a week. My children eat cereal often and love milk, but because of my schedule, I don't get a chance to go grocery shopping as often as I should. (I am a single parent.) How do I politely tell my friend that it's fine to make herself at home, but getting both of her children refills of milk without asking me is taking it too far? She knows I can afford it, but I'm uncomfortable asking because I don't know how to draw the line. -- WORKING MOM OUT WEST

DEAR WORKING MOM: I assume you communicate with Sara outside of her drop-in visits to your home? The next time you talk, text or email her, explain that you love her company and she's always welcome, but because of your 70-hour work schedule you don't get to the market as often as she does -- so when she brings her kids, please also bring a quart of milk with her. To do that is stating the facts, it isn't rude and it isn't asking too much. If she's your friend, and not a user, she will comply.