DEAR ABBY: Some people believe sex with friends can turn a friendship into chaos. I don't believe it because I can remain a friend and still be there intimately. I have a friend I feel would be a good match because we are both very sexual and filthy-minded. We continuously tease about it. I know it's only a joke, but I believe he's the type of person who would feel the friendship would be lost if we were intimate -- or worse, if we aren't compatible in bed.

Can someone joke around so much about something and not want to do it? Also, I'm not the type he would ever see himself having sex with, and he says he can't believe he feels this way.

Should we try it or leave it alone, as it will only be sex? It's not like we're looking to fall in love. Men always say they would love to have a friend with benefits, but if it happens they can't handle it. -- FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS

DEAR F.W.B.: In order to be friends with benefits, you have to have two people who are willing. The man you have described seems to be all hat and no cattle. Leave it alone.

DEAR ABBY: I recently moved in with my boyfriend and now live two hours away from my parents. (Before, it was only 10 minutes.)

My boyfriend has been offered an incredible job in a different country and has asked me to go with him. It means I'll have to quit my job, which is a good one. But he has promised to financially support me during the two years we would be there, including adding to my usual savings and paying the mortgage on the condo I left when I moved in with him. He's talking about an engagement and marriage when we get back.

My problem is my parents. Their definition of "success" is marriage and family. Because they never taught my brother and me how to communicate, I'm deathly afraid to tell them that we are moving to a different country. The thought of upsetting them is paralyzing me. I am losing sleep and considering breaking up with him so I can keep the peace with my family. What do I do? -- TORN UP

DEAR TORN UP: Allow me to offer a suggestion that may keep peace in your family. Because your boyfriend is talking about marriage "when you get back," I propose that you suggest to him that the two of you be married before you leave. Problem solved.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a female in my mid-20s. I have recently hired a personal trainer at my local gym. So far, it isn't working out as I had hoped.

My trainer isn't really training me. He spends half the time trying to flirt. He says we could have a great time together when we aren't in session. I've recently heard he does this with most of his female clients. I am a nice person, but it's getting out of hand. What do I do? Should I tell his boss? -- STILL OUT OF SHAPE IN ALABAMA

DEAR STILL OUT: Do not report your trainer to his boss immediately. Talk to him first. Tell him that when he flirts it makes you uncomfortable, and you prefer to keep your relationship with him strictly professional. However, if he continues after that, you should not only report it to his boss, you should also hire another trainer.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the mother of two teenagers, ages 13 and 15. I am trying to teach them to do chores and help around the house, but all I get is attitude from them.

I try to explain that I didn't grow up with a dishwasher and I washed all the dishes by hand. Well, now that we have a dishwasher, they don't want to load or unload it either! I try not to spoil my kids, but I guess it's too late. Sometimes I get so frustrated that I just do the chores myself.

What am I doing wrong as a parent? My kids are either on their iPhone or iPad or Xbox. They have a better childhood than I ever had, but they don't understand. It's hurtful when their response is "Let me live," or "You don't understand anything," or "I can't wait to get out of the house and get away from you!" This is very hurtful, and I guess I just needed to vent to someone other than my husband. Thanks for letting me. -- STRESSED-OUT MOM

DEAR MOM: You're welcome. Now, may I offer a suggestion? You should not be doing your teenagers' chores for them. Instead, start instituting consequences if they shirk their responsibilities. An effective consequence would be to confiscate their iPhone, iPad or Xbox if the chores aren't done when they're supposed to be. And if they talk disrespectfully to you -- ditto!

DEAR ABBY: My son's fiancee set their wedding date without asking me if I could make it. I recently took a job on the West Coast. As a campground manager and new employee, I can't get time off Labor Day weekend to fly back to the East Coast for the wedding. (Labor Day is one of the big summer holidays for campgrounds.)

His fiancee has done other hurtful things in the past, and I can't help but doubt it was an oversight that I wasn't consulted before their wedding date was set. When I tried to talk to my son about it, I received the anticipated hostility I usually get from him.

My question to you is, should I pay for their caterer? I have given this son so much money over the years that I can't help but believe he's a user. Advice, please. -- EXCLUDED OUT WEST

DEAR EXCLUDED: If your son had wanted you to be at his wedding, you would have been consulted before the date was set. His fiancee didn't consult you because that is probably the way your son wanted it. Under the circumstances, you should not pay for any of the wedding expenses. If you feel you must do something, send them a congratulatory card wishing them "a lifetime of happiness together." Period.

DEAR ABBY: If I am standing in line waiting for a friend to arrive at a store that's about to open for a sale, when my friend arrives, is it OK for her to join me where I've been holding the spot, or should we move to the back of the line so customers behind us don't feel like she is butting in? -- NO BUTTS ABOUT IT

DEAR NO BUTTS: Lines for sales can be long, and people sometimes wait many hours to get into the stores. According to Emily Post, "Courteous people never break into line." It might be diplomatic to ask the person standing in back of you if he or she minds if your friend joins you. Some might object; others not.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a widow and have been seeing someone for two years. He often stays at my home. He treats me well, but we have different tastes in furnishings. He brings me trinkets and tacky accessories from his home that I do not display. My spare bedroom closet is filled with these unwanted items. He knows I can afford to buy the things I like.

Recently he gave me two gifts -- both new -- neither of which I feel are appropriate for me. I appreciate the thought, but why would he continue to do this? He can clearly see they are not on display in my home, which would indicate I don't like or want them.

This man is not a cheapskate. He takes me for nice dinners, movies, brings flowers and chocolates as well. I don't want to hurt his feelings. Should I continue to accept the gifts and pretend I'm thrilled? I don't want to appear to be ungrateful or spoiled, because he is kind and generous. -- JANE DOE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR JANE: Before this man spends any more money on gifts you put in a closet, have a talk with him. Explain that while you appreciate the thought behind the trinkets he gives you, you have different tastes, and suggest that the next time he wants to give you something that you pick it out "together." (It doesn't take a crystal ball to see a yard sale in your future.)

DEAR ABBY: My 85-year-old mother is in a dysfunctional relationship with my 50-year-old, alcoholic brother. He lives with her rent-free and abuses her emotionally and verbally. It has gotten physical at times, although she says he has never hit her.

He was recently arrested for domestic violence against his girlfriend, who is a drug addict. Mom has dialed 911 more than once, but the last time she told the officers it was a "mistake" because he's on probation, and she didn't want him to go to jail.

I'm at a loss about what to do because if I have social services look into it, I risk ruining my relationship with my mom, and she's not in the best of health. Should my siblings and I take a stand, step in and do something about it? -- WANTS TO HELP MOM

DEAR WANTS TO HELP: By all means! A report should be made to adult protective services in your state because elder abuse can involve emotional and financial exploitation of a vulnerable adult, as well as physical abuse.

DEAR ABBY: I am a Southern girl born in Virginia, now living in Florida. I have an accent. Why is it that people make fun of your accent when you are from the South, but not from up North? -- PONDERING IN FLORIDA

DEAR PONDERING: I'm not sure your assumption is correct. I have heard people imitate Boston and New York accents as well as Southern accents. Years ago, an Australian gentleman used his "American accent" on me, and had me fooled for about 15 minutes. I assume people do this because they think it's funny and not out of a desire to hurt anyone's feelings.

P.S. Isn't imitation the sincerest form of flattery?