DEAR ABBY: Five years into our marriage, my wife and I took a girlfriend, "Sonya." I fell madly in love with her. Unfortunately, my relationship with my wife cooled because she changed as a person. We ended up divorcing.

I'm still in love with Sonya, but obviously nothing will ever come of it. I'm her confidant and best friend, and she tells me all about her dating life.

I'm having trouble dealing with it, but I don't think I could handle not seeing her face light up when she speaks about her new girlfriend. My love for Sonya runs to my core -- it's one for the ages. She IS my soul. I don't want to lose her as my best friend, but I don't know how to manage the pain of my unrequited love. Please help me. -- DEMOLISHED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR DEMOLISHED: Your love for Sonya may run to the core, but it isn't returned. If she's in love with another woman, your chances of winding up with her are somewhere between slim and none. That's why you must now decide if a bleeding heart is a condition you really want to live with. My advice is to be kind to yourself, get off a track that is leading nowhere and look for someone who can love you back.

DEAR ABBY: My lady friend and I have been living in the same apartment building for a year. It is a retirement community, and we each have our own apartment. (We are both in our 90s.) We are together almost every day. We are Roman Catholic and attend church services at least twice a week.

My problem is, I want her to sleep with me in the same bed, but without having sex. She says sleeping together is wrong, against God's will and we should not do it. I said as long as we don't have sex, we are not committing a sin. I talked to a priest about this and he agreed with me. What do you think? -- NONAGENARIAN IN MINNESOTA

DEAR NONAGENARIAN: If your priest blesses it, who am I to argue?

DEAR ABBY: All my life, I've put my belt on from left to right. I never really questioned why. Just reckoned it had something to do with me being right-handed.

Recently, an old acquaintance told me I have been doing it wrong. According to him, only women do it from the left. Men belt up right-to-left.

Abby, who's right? Is there a correct way to wear a belt? Is it a gender thing, a comfort thing or does it even matter? -- NOT TOO BIG FOR MY BRITCHES

DEAR NOT TOO BIG: Most men insert their belts from left to right, and most women do it from right to left. However, unless you are a member of the military and must adhere to a strict dress code, you have the right to buckle your belt whichever way you wish.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: A happy Eid al-Fitr, one and all.

DEAR ABBY: I recently had my lover of 11 years arrested for domestic violence. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. He had me isolated and cut off from the world, and without family around, I felt extremely lonely and fragile. Looking back, I see how wanting to be loved and not alone caused me to let so many intolerable things happen.

No one should ever have to be bruised and battered physically, psychologically and verbally by anyone. I pray others read this and will do the right thing -- which is to press charges if necessary and find the strength to leave, as painful as it may be. -- STARTING COUNSELING SOON IN L.A.

DEAR STARTING: I'm glad you found the strength to do that. Counseling will help. Trust me on that. Readers: I haven't printed the warning signs of an abuser in a while, so here they are:

1. PUSHES FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on strong, claiming, "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." An abuser pressures the new partner for an exclusive commitment almost immediately.

2. JEALOUS: Excessively possessive; calls constantly or visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because "you might meet someone"; checks the mileage on your car.

3. CONTROLLING: If you are late, interrogates you intensively about whom you talked to and where you were; keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere or do anything.

4. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect mate and meet his or her every need.

5. ISOLATION: Tries to isolate you from family and friends; accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble." The abuser may deprive you of a phone or car, or try to prevent you from holding a job.

6. BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS OR MISTAKES: It's always someone else's fault if something goes wrong.

7. MAKES OTHERS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS OR HER FEELINGS: The abuser says, "You make me angry" instead of "I am angry," or says, "You're hurting me by not doing what I tell you."

8. HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted, claiming hurt feelings when he or she is really mad. Rants about the injustice of things that are just a part of life.

9. CRUELTY TO ANIMALS OR CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper) or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers who beat their partners will also abuse children.

10. "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down or holding you down against your will during sex; finds the idea of rape exciting.

11. VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes or says blatantly cruel things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names. This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you with relentless verbal abuse.

12. RIGID GENDER ROLES: Expects you to serve, obey, remain at home.

13. SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweet to violent in minutes.

14. PAST BATTERING: Admits to hitting a mate in the past, but says the person "made" him (or her) do it.

15. THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Says things like, "I'll break your neck" or "I'll kill you," and then dismisses them with, "Everybody talks that way," or "I didn't really mean it."

Readers, if you feel you are at risk, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800-799-7233 or thehotline.org.

DEAR ABBY: I'm sick when I read about girls in great relationships who feel like they are trapped and they need to live life. They throw away a great relationship with someone who loves them. How is dumping someone who loves you "living"?

I met my husband in high school and we went to parties, nightclubs and traveled -- always together. We had each other's backs and pushed each other to achieve what we wanted. And the best part was, I had my best friend with me during all of my greatest life moments.

Now, after 23 years of marriage, I hear stories from my women friends who dumped their guys in order to live it up and now wish they never had. They ALL said: "Guess what you get with a one-night stand? You get left with disappointment because the guy doesn't know what you like in bed or gives you an STD." And while they were "living life," the boyfriend they loved and wish they had back found someone else.

So, all of you out there who think you're not living life: It's not because of the guy you're with. It's YOU holding yourself back. Try life with your partner and see what happens before you throw it all away for a one-night stand you'll most likely regret. -- LIVING LIFE IN WISCONSIN

DEAR LIVING LIFE: When a young woman writes to me saying she feels trapped and wants to live life, what it indicates to me is that the person either isn't getting what she needs from her boyfriend or that she's not mature enough to settle down.

Mature individuals realize that compromise is necessary in successful relationships, but these young women appear to prefer to gamble on all or nothing. I'm sharing your wisdom with them, but I'm not at all certain they will appreciate it.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have a good marriage and two well-behaved kids who are good students and active in our community. Our 8-year-old son is very much the rule follower in school and outside activities, but cheats when playing board or card games with me or his sister at home.

When I catch him doing it, I end the game and tell him I won't play with him if he's going to cheat. My wife believes the cheating is "just for fun" and that I'm being too hard on him. I say the lesson I'm teaching him is that cheating is wrong.

We agree we are fortunate this happens only at home, but I'm concerned that if it is left unchecked, it will be regarded as permissible and it will escalate to become a problem in other circumstances. What do you think? Should I let up? -- VIRGINIA DAD

DEAR DAD: No, stick to your guns. And the next time you catch your son cheating, impress upon him that if others catch him at it, they not only won't want to play games with him, but also may not want to be friends with him.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: Happy Fourth of July, everyone. Celebrate safely! Love, Abby