DEAR ABBY: My sister, "Dawn," recently got engaged to a man I detest. They have been dating for two years. I don't trust him, and I believe he is controlling her. He has lied to me and to my parents, and has strained Dawn's relationship with our family by constantly making her choose between either him or us.

Dawn worked hard to earn her master's degree and is now earning a great salary; her fiance has no education beyond high school, constantly switches jobs and uses my sister for financial support.

I have spoken to her multiple times in the past about my concerns, and at one point made it clear that I wouldn't attend her wedding. Now that Dawn has decided to move forward with the relationship, am I required to go? My parents, despite not supporting my sister's marrying this man, still plan to attend and are urging me to go. I don't think I can stomach seeing it. What do I do? -- OPPOSED IN NEW YORK

DEAR OPPOSED: Go to the wedding. If this man is as awful as you say he is, your sister is going to need all of the support she can get from people who love her. One of the things that insecure, controlling men try to do is isolate their victims. Letting Dawn know that you love her and will always be there for her will make it much harder for her husband to do.

DEAR ABBY: I am an eighth-grade boy with a sixth-grade brother. He is a nice kid and we get along really great. The problem is, while I am good at all activities from school to sports to games, my brother struggles at everything. I believe he is as bright as most kids, but he knows he has to work harder than I do.

He is very competitive, especially at board games. I can beat him whenever I want to, but occasionally I'll let him win. The trouble is, he makes such a big deal when he "beats" me. He becomes obnoxious and won't stop bragging, and it drives me crazy. I don't want to break my brother's spirit, but on the other hand, I don't want to give him a false sense of his abilities. How do I handle this? -- BIG BROTHER

DEAR BIG BROTHER: You seem to be a very nice young man. Please re-read the third sentence of your letter. Then, for a moment, put yourself in your brother's shoes. You are older, better at sports and learn more easily. Imagine how that must make him feel. When he has an occasional victory, you shouldn't be resentful if he decides to crow about it. To him it's a very big deal. It may make it easier for you to tolerate if you remember that and keep your sense of humor, because this, too, will pass.

DEAR ABBY: What's the appropriate response in a social situation when you're introduced to a person you have met several times before, but they act like it's the first time? I usually just smile and play along, but now I'm starting to feel like it's intentional. Am I that forgettable? -- FORGETTABLE IN NEVADA

DEAR FORGETTABLE: I doubt it. My advice is to be polite. The next time it happens, smile warmly and say, "We've met. Nice to see you again, 'Gloria.'" And then move on.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a recent divorcee who has started dating again. I have been seeing this guy -- also divorced -- for a few months, and he recently told me he loves me. There's definitely a mutual attraction, but I'm not ready for love again, which we've discussed in great detail.

When I ask him why he loves me, he can't answer specifically. His usual reply is something along the lines of, "I just do." I can't help but think maybe he doesn't really love me if he can't explain why. Am I overthinking this? Is our relationship moving too fast? What should I do? -- NEW TO THIS IN IDAHO

DEAR NEW TO THIS: Take your time and continue getting to know this man. Do not let yourself be rushed into any commitment for which you are not ready. Divorce can be painful and leave one or both partners feeling a lack of self-esteem.

Because he seems unable to put his feelings into words, instead of asking him why he loves you, let him demonstrate the depth of his love for you through his actions. Time will tell if he is sincere.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's 67-year-old sister recently borrowed a large sum of money, but my husband told her not to worry about paying it back. They both receive Social Security benefits, but her payments are substantially larger. She supports only herself. His check supports us both.

The problem is that for the past few months she has been borrowing money she promises to pay back, but when the time comes, instead of repaying it she asks for more money. We can't afford it, but he can't seem to tell his big sister no, and it's causing problems in our marriage.

I love my husband dearly, but I'm beginning to resent his sister for taking more money from us each month, and him for giving it to her. If I step in, I will be the bad guy. What is the best way to handle this situation? -- GOING BROKE IN THE WEST

DEAR GOING BROKE: Step in and be the bad guy. Tell your husband's sister she won't be getting any more money unless she pays back what she has already "borrowed." Your sister-in-law probably won't like you for it, so be prepared to stand your ground and don't be surprised.

DEAR ABBY: I noticed a very attractive woman coming out of the library. She was wearing a soft, feminine short skirt. I wanted to compliment her, so I walked over and said, "I love your skirt -- it looks so pretty." She said, "Thank you. You made my day!"

We had a great conversation for several minutes, after which we went our separate ways. Afterward I was kicking myself because I didn't ask for her phone number. It felt good to know that my compliment made her feel pretty.

Do most women appreciate compliments about their clothing? I wouldn't want to make a woman feel uncomfortable. But it brightens my day when I can compliment someone. -- LARRY IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR LARRY: It has been my experience that not only do most women appreciate a compliment, so do most men. If it brightens your day to offer one, go ahead and do it. And if someone has a problem with that, do not make it your problem.

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married for 20 years to an amazing man, "Boyd." Eight months ago, he left his administrative job to pursue his lifelong dream of becoming an actor. He is working hard on auditions and shoots, and I am very proud of him. However, when he left his job, it felt to me like a pronouncement rather than the result of our usual mutual decisions.

Unfortunately, I communicated my frustration to family members at the time, and they have completely written Boyd off. They don't want to talk to him or hear news about him, and he is not welcome in their homes.

Boyd didn't take this well. He has, in return, written them off. It has reached the point that I can't share news about them with him. I have had to take down family photos -- which was my choice -- but it felt necessary.

The irony is my family felt he had created undue stress for me, but the breach in family harmony has been far more stressful than my husband's career change. Any thoughts on how to bring detente to this situation? It's keeping me up at night. -- ACTOR'S WIFE IN ATLANTA

DEAR WIFE: Have you told your family that by shunning your husband they have caused you more stress than his decision -- however one-sided it may have been -- to become an actor? If you haven't you should, because it is causing discord in your marriage. Your relatives do not have the right to punish your husband for his career choice, and you should not have encouraged or allowed them to alienate him.

You may want to remind them that you and Boyd are a unit, and if they care about more contact with you, they will bury the hatchet. Or perhaps you could convince everyone to agree to family counseling. The ball is now in your court because you are the person who started it rolling.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for a very long time and have a good marriage. However, he has one annoying habit that drives me crazy. We live in a small house, and he has stacks and piles of things lying around collecting dust and creating clutter.

When I ask him to put them away, he says just to leave them where they are so he will remember to look at them "someday." Abby, these are videos, magazines, books or paperwork. It could be anything, really, like some gadget he wants to check out.

A neat and tidy house is important to me. This is nothing new; it has been going on during our entire marriage. What can I say to him to get him to change his ways? -- ANTI-CLUTTER IN IOWA

DEAR ANTI-CLUTTER: Probably not much at this point. But I can offer this insight. The tendency to do what your husband is doing is a sign of OCD, an anxiety disorder. For your husband, letting go of things he "may" want to look at "sometime" can be emotionally upsetting. A doctor might be able to help your husband, but that would necessitate your husband admitting that what he has been doing is causing a problem.