DEAR ABBY: The holidays are coming, and this year it's my turn to host Thanksgiving. I'm a full-time working mom with two active children, and I also volunteer. No matter how hard I will work at cleaning my house before the relatives come, I know there'll be areas that aren't spotless. There's just not enough time in the schedule.

I have relatives who will make sure to point out what needs to be done, or critique how I have arranged my furniture, or what I did or didn't prepare for the meal. How do I graciously handle these comments? I want to be an example to my children on how to be a gracious hostess, even when dealing with critical or rude comments. -- UNDER PRESSURE IN OHIO

DEAR UNDER PRESSURE: You would be amazed what a person can get away with if it's said with a warm smile. If someone criticizes your housekeeping, smile and say, "Oh, really? I must have missed it. The vacuum cleaner is in the closet. Be an angel and take care of it for me, will you?" The same goes for where you keep your duster.

If your relatives don't like what's on your menu, suggest sweetly that next time they come they bring something they will enjoy. It would be a lot more gracious than showing the person the door.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for more than a year. He has sole custody of his 10-year-old son, "Jordan." Because of our financial circumstances at the time, we moved in with each other right away. Jordan's mother is not in the picture and, unfortunately, I inherited her parenting responsibilities because of it.

Jordan is a sweet boy, but I have no emotional attachment to him. To be honest, I'm disappointed every time he walks in the door after school and I'm forced to stop what I am doing in order to care for him.

Abby, I thought I would become more attached to Jordan as time went on, but instead, I'm feeling resentful. I'm embarrassed to have made a commitment to this man and his son and to have ended up in this situation. I don't want to break up with the love of my life, but I don't want to sacrifice the next eight years of my life raising a child who isn't mine. Do you have any advice for me? -- CONFLICTED IN SACRAMENTO, CALIF.

DEAR CONFLICTED: Yes, as a matter of fact, I do. If Jordan's father is really "the love of your life," you had better accept that he and his son are a package deal and treat the child with love. If you can't manage that, then do them both a favor and bow out of the picture NOW.

P.S. And because none of this is Jordan's fault, while you're packing, assure him that your leaving has nothing to do with him, only with you. It's the truth, and that way, he won't blame himself for something that's not his fault.

DEAR ABBY: My son was married twice to different women. I had two daughters-in-law. He is now married to a man. Is his spouse my son-in-law? -- MOM IN MAINE

DEAR MOM: Yes. Refer to him as your son-in-law and, if your son is finally happy with his spouse, your "son-in-love."

DEAR ABBY: I'm 42, and the mother of three children. I love my kids, but after many years of wanting to do something about my "mommy belly," I decided to have a tummy tuck.

As a woman of color, my preference was for a sculpted, curvy shape. For aesthetic reasons, I liked the work being done in a certain foreign country. That it was cheaper there was an added plus. After months of researching, I settled on a board-certified doctor. His before and after pictures were great, and I was told that he and the clinic had a "zero percent infection rate."

Two weeks after I returned home, things quickly went bad. Fluid drained from my tummy tuck and belly button incisions. A local plastic surgeon sent me immediately to an emergency room.

At the ER, my fever was 102 and I was admitted to the hospital, where I was diagnosed with mycobacterium abscessus infection. I was hospitalized for 11 days and had surgery to manually clear the infection from my abdomen. I was sent home with a PICC line so I could continue receiving my IV meds at home.

Two months after my elective surgery, I cannot stand up straight due to the pain. The experience has been awful, and it's still far from over. I'm still on IV antibiotics, have daily nursing visits, multiple visits to the ER and have had multiple surgeries.

I won't be able to work for three to six months, and my medical bills are over $100,000. (Thank goodness I have health insurance!) The side effects of the meds I'm on are nausea, diarrhea, lack of appetite and drowsiness.

It's hard for me to take care of myself or my children. I feel guilty about the pain I'm causing my family, and I'm so depressed I don't like going places and have withdrawn from those closest to me.

I know infections are a risk with any surgical procedure and this could have happened in America, but the fact is, this infection is known to be caused by poor sterilization in the OR, and this should have been avoidable if the proper sterilization procedures were followed.

When I contacted the doctor who did my surgery, he denied that I got it from him. He offered to repair any cosmetic damage, but I'd be crazy to go back there for additional procedures. He's in no way accountable, and the system over there promotes that. As an American, I have no recourse. I'm just stuck here suffering.

I know others may have had wonderful experiences, but I want to shed light on life after surgery abroad that went wrong. I also want to encourage others to make sure they plan for the worst-case scenario: Consider who will provide extended care to your kids during periods of hospitalization, how you will pay your astronomical medical bills, and whether you can afford living on reduced or no income for the duration of treatment, which can be several months.

Thanks for printing this, Abby. -- LESSON LEARNED

DEAR LESSON LEARNED: Wow. I'm very sorry you learned all this the hard way. I hope your experience will alert readers to the fact that there's risk involved when considering surgery in countries where the regulation of hospitals and surgical facilities may not be up to American standards.

DEAR ABBY: In less than a month, I am being married to my same-sex partner of 4 1/2 years. My brother and I spend time together at least once a month -- if not more -- and he has always given me time with my nephews. Our conversations tend to be centered around lighthearted subjects and the occasional funny joke on our parents. Unfortunately, having heart-to-hearts has not worked well for us. He's five years older and very religious.

I have been out to my brother since I was 19, and the conversation didn't go well. He is refusing to come to my wedding, and I see this as the beginning of my having to choose my partner over him and my nephews.

Of course, I will want to spend Christmas with my wife -- which will mean that instead of being a family together, I will no longer have Christmas with my nephews. Any advice for a way to approach him, or to be at peace with the future of my family? -- SAD SISTER

DEAR SAD SISTER: It's time to have another heart-to-heart talk with your brother. He has known about your sexual orientation, and yet you are still a part of his sons' lives. Does he plan for that to change after your wedding? He may not, but if you ask that question, at least you will know where you and your fiancee stand.

Because he doesn't plan to attend the wedding doesn't necessarily mean that you will be excluded from the family. However, if it does, I am sure you, like many other people, will find others who are willing to give you the emotional support you need. The loss should rightly be your brother's, not your own.

DEAR ABBY: I've been thinking about dating a good friend I have known for five years. We're highly compatible, have similar likes and dislikes, can easily work out any dispute we might have, and I seem to be the only one in our group who can tolerate his antics (all of which are harmless). We spend countless hours together and yet still wish for more time.

It's been like this since the beginning. We've known we'd make a cute couple since 2014. The problem is, we are oblivious to any advances the other might make (if he's even made any), so subtlety is out the window.

I'm not even sure if I want to drop the ball on this or not. He's a fantastic guy. I could see myself with him, but I don't want to mess up our friendship. Neither of us has been in a romantic relationship before or had our first kiss, and we're both 19.

What would be my first move or what should I say? Or should I just wait it out and see what happens? -- WHO MAKES THE FIRST MOVE?

DEAR WHO: This is the 21st century. Many women make the first move. The next time you spend time alone with him, ask him if it would be all right if you gave him a kiss. Don't jump him -- just give him a sweet, innocent kiss, and then see what happens.