DEAR ABBY: With the holiday shopping season already here, may I suggest another way to look at gift giving? We all want to give the perfect gift to family members. Some gifts can cost a lot of money and some not. I would like people to take a step back and consider who they are buying for.

I stopped buying gifts for my parents and sister 10 years ago. Because their money is tight, I have been stocking their pantries with food and staples. I am well off enough financially that I have been able to fill their freezers with enough meat to last three months or more.

At Thanksgiving, my husband and I load up our car and bring the meat with us. Then my mom, sister, grandma and I go to the grocery store and buy staples for the pantry and what we need to make freezer meals. Abby, this takes so much pressure off them.

Food is expensive. So instead of buying Dad that new TV or sound system, or your sister that designer handbag, pause and take a hard look at their situation. Sometimes the need for basics outweighs the desire for the latest and greatest gadgets. Even paying a bill or two can help. Or gift cards for groceries.

I never expect presents from my family; all I want is for them to have some freedom in their lives from the daily worries. -- NEW WAY OF GIFTING

DEAR NEW WAY: I'm pleased to share your letter with readers who may be wondering what to give their relatives at Christmas. And I'm sure that your generosity is deeply appreciated by your family. Thank you for writing.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been dining out with another couple about twice a month. We have not been able to entertain them at our home because it is not easily accessible and the man is in a wheelchair. Over the past several months his health has declined. His mind is sharp, but his body is weakening.

The last time we met them for dinner, we couldn't understand what he was saying, so his wife "interpreted." Also, when he tries to eat, the food falls out of his mouth onto a bib and from there to the floor.

Abby, we just don't know what to do. We really like this couple, but it is nauseating to watch him eat with food falling out of his mouth. Plus, the other patrons at the restaurants are starting to stare. We look forward to your advice. -- PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO STARE

DEAR PEOPLE: If this couple ever needed understanding friends, it's now. Because you are embarrassed to be seen with them in a restaurant, consider bringing a take-out meal to their home. Granted, watching your friend struggle is painful. But if he's going downhill as rapidly as you say, he needs your support more than ever, and so does his wife. And when he's gone, you'll know you did the right thing.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 9-year-old girl in third grade. I have problems making friends. Girls my age and older don't like me much. Boys my age and older seem to be fine.

It's important I get help in making girl friends. I have three hopeless brothers I really don't like. My mom said I should tell you what I do like -- math, science, dolls and TV. I have crazy hair.

Did you have this problem when you were my age? I think people think I'm weird. -- YOUNG READER IN KOKOMO, IND.

DEAR YOUNG READER: Your mother is a smart woman. She knows how important common interests can be in forming relationships. Because you like math, science, dolls and TV, gravitate toward girls who like them, too. If you do, you may find that some of them are receptive. Remember -- all you really need is one friend you can confide in.

As to the rest of your question, at your age I wasn't part of the popular crowd. I was shy and terrible at sports, so I spent many hours alone in my room reading books. They kept me company and widened my horizons beyond my immediate neighborhood. People at my grammar school probably thought I was weird, too, but many people who become successful as adults start out that way.

You and I have something else in common. I was self-conscious about my hair, too. It was curly and hard to handle because I hadn't yet learned to style it. But as I grew older, I learned to manage it -- as I'm sure you will. And when I reached my mid-teens I found it easier to make female friends. A valuable lesson I learned was to BE a friend when someone needs one, and to practice character traits I admired in others, such as kindness and honesty.

DEAR ABBY: What should I do about my mother-in-law, who has been bumming money from churches for more than 20 years from Ohio to Florida, even taking trips across the country taking money along the way?

I have contacted every church in our area. But they still give her money, which she blows mostly at casinos and on her non-working boyfriend. I will no longer have anything to do with them, which of course is hard on my wife. Please advise. -- OHIO READER

DEAR READER: If you have contacted the clergy in your area about your mother-in-law's scam and they still give her money, you have done everything you can. Because you no longer want anything to do with her and her deadbeat boyfriend, tell your wife she should see them without you. You have my permission.

DEAR READERS: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and no Thanksgiving would be complete without my sharing the traditional prayer penned by my dear mother:

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank Thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That Thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.

Have a safe and happy celebration, everyone! -- Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: While, as you replied to "Sleepy in California" (Sept. 17), some parents do "co-sleep" with their children for the first few months, what you were referring to is actually "bed sharing." Bed sharing was shown in studies several years ago to be the greatest risk factor for sleep-related deaths in young infants less than 4 months of age.

The American Academy of Pediatrics and the March of Dimes have both recommended (for years!) against bed sharing in these young infants. Instead they recommend that young infants sleep in cribs near their parents. They should of course be on their backs and should not be sleeping with blankets or toys.

These deaths, mostly from suffocation or overheating, are sad and mostly preventable. The acceptance of bed sharing due to cultural influences is difficult to overcome. Please help by taking the time to educate your readers on the dangers of bed sharing with infants. -- C. SMITH, M.D., FAAP

DEAR DR. SMITH: I appreciate your writing to me. Your point is an important one, and that I omitted it was an oversight. I hope parents of infants will take your wise counsel to heart.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is 29, and we recently had a respectful, although heated, discussion about politics, agendas and the candidates. It turned out that we disagree on major issues, and we both can give chapter and verse about why we believe the way we do.

Something came to light, though. She's not the person I thought she was. She informed me that she had had an abortion. My feelings on this issue aren't a judgment call. This is a belief system for me, something ingrained in me. If she were a stranger, I would absolutely not be around her. Knowing what I do now, I am crushed.

She's my daughter, and we have always had our differences. But I feel so strongly about what she's doing and has done that I no longer want to be in the same room with her. She has a son I adore with all my heart, and I provide child care for him. I feel broken right now and could really use guidance. -- BROKEN IN ILLINOIS

DEAR BROKEN: I can only imagine how you must have felt to have learned about the abortion during a "heated discussion." However, there is a common misconception that women who decide to terminate a pregnancy do so lightly. They don't! If you don't know your daughter's reason for having hers, it might benefit both of you to talk calmly about it. You don't have to approve of her choice, but you should hear what she has to say.

Because you feel broken, this is something you should discuss with your religious adviser and take your cue from him or her. To cut off relations with your daughter -- and by extension your grandson -- would benefit no one.

DEAR ABBY: Are you supposed to take a gift to an engagement party? The couple has been living together. They just got engaged and are planning a wedding in two years. -- ANA MARIE IN TEXAS

DEAR ANA MARIE: A gift would be a nice gesture. It doesn't have to be lavish -- a lovely frame for their engagement picture would be thoughtful, because a wedding is now in the picture.