DEAR ABBY: My husband of five years has confessed to affairs that resulted in two children. I suspected that something was up when after a year of marriage he seemed distant. Despite our almost 15-year age difference, I never in a million years thought he would do something like this.

A few months ago, he started disappearing again. At first it was a day here and a day there, but then it became weeks. I finally confronted him, and he confessed about the affairs. He claims the mother of the newborn is a prostitute and that it was a "mistake." He wants to be involved in the 3-year-old little girl's life, but not the newborn's. At that point I told him he needed to leave and remove his belongings from the house.

My friends say that legally I can't put him out of a house he owned before we were married. However, he did buy a home during our marriage. (I found that out accidentally.) It's where the 3-year-old lives.

I feel I am entitled to something. I asked him to have the older child's mother move, but he refused. Where does that leave me? With nothing? I don't know what to do. I don't have money for a lawyer and have nowhere to go. Please advise. -- WHAT A MESS IN PHILADELPHIA

DEAR WHAT A MESS: Your friends mean well, but you need a more informed source of information than they can offer. Because divorce laws vary from state to state, go online to womenslaw.org and search for "divorce in Pennsylvania." You will find basic information about divorce laws in your state, which I think you will find both interesting and rewarding.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a woman, twice married. My first marriage was to a woman who hurt me deeply by lying and cheating. I am now married to a man who, even with his faults, is a wonderful husband.

My thing is, I am still strongly attracted to women. I consider myself to be bisexual. When my husband notices that I look at women, I'm honest and tell him what I admire about a particular woman. What I leave out is that I'm turned on by them. He is not open to my actively being bisexual, not even a threesome.

Is it all right for me to fantasize when I'm intimate with him that he's a woman? I know some people fantasize about being with a celebrity or a more attractive mate, but is it all right to fantasize about someone of a different gender? -- FANTASIZING IN NEW YORK

DEAR FANTASIZING: Your bisexuality is part of who you are. You should make clear to your husband that there is nothing "wrong" with being bisexual, and people who are can be and are monogamous. A commitment is a commitment, and you are sticking to yours.

Sexual fantasies are normal. And you're right that many people besides yourself fantasize about others (of both sexes) during sex. Because you don't act on your fantasies, relax and enjoy them, and stop flogging yourself.

DEAR READERS: This month, an interview with my late mother, the founder of Dear Abby, is being featured on a podcast at makinggayhistory.com. Eric Marcus has done a terrific job with this, and I hope you will enjoy it. -- LOVE, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: You would be doing millions of women a great service by telling them about Knitted Knockers Support Foundation. It has been tirelessly working at inspiring volunteer knitters and crocheters to provide free soft, light prostheses for breast cancer survivors.

Typically, the traditional prostheses can be hot, heavy, expensive and take quite a while to arrive. Knitted Knockers are made by people who care. Sometimes your request can be filled that very day. All you need to do is ask. These are sent nationwide and all over the world.

I learned about this wonderful organization earlier this year, and I am now the Northern California distribution point. The response we've had from women who receive them is astounding.

Please let breast cancer survivors know about Knitted Knockers at www.KnittedKnockers.org. There they will find an order form to fill out, and we will be happy to mail out one or a pair. They give women confidence and comfort at a time when they can really use it.

If you know a knitter or crocheter, encourage them to join the cause. Knit and crochet patterns and a list of acceptable yarns are on the website. Abby, thanks for passing the word on! -- CLAIRE G. IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CLAIRE: I know many women will be glad to know about the service you are offering, and grateful for the knitters and crocheters who devote their time so generously to make recovery easier for breast cancer survivors. Thank you for writing.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a retired widow and former model. I have dated mostly men my own age and a little older. I was in a sexless (but affectionate) marriage for nearly 30 years, and I have looked forward to a robust sex life with a new love. But I'm finding that men who are intellectually matched to me are no longer interested in making love. If they are interested, they don't seem to want a monogamous relationship. Any hints? -- STARVED FOR AFFECTION

DEAR STARVED: Just this. Widen your dating profile to include younger men, and if you're lucky, you may find someone who is not only your intellectual match but also can perform.

DEAR ABBY: It's Santa here, asking if I could address your readers about a couple of things my helpers at the malls are bringing to my attention.

First and foremost: When you stand in line with your child, and it's finally their turn and they start to cry, scream and tremble, please DON'T force them to sit on Santa's lap. If you do, you are traumatizing your child. Is a picture really worth your child's well-being?

Next, I would discourage new moms from rushing from the hospital with their newborn, 2- or 3-day-old babies. You need to remember how many children sit on Santa's lap. Babies' immune systems are fragile, and Santa's suit can be loaded with germs. Thanks for your time, Abby, and Merry Christmas to all. -- SHOPPING MALL SANTA

DEAR S.M. SANTA: Thank you for your sensible suggestions. Some parents' heads become so full of sugarplums at Christmas that they forget their little ones are too young to associate Santa with the goodies he brings with him. I hope readers will take your message to heart.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter asked me if she should have another child, and based on what I have observed with her first, I definitely feel she shouldn't. I want a polite way to respond without hurting her feelings, but can't find the words.

She loves her child, but loses patience quickly. She can't handle it when her 2-year-old whines or cries. Sometimes she needs to leave the house. Can you help? -- DEFINITELY NOT IN OREGON

DEAR DEFINITELY NOT: Every parent feels this way sometimes. That's why God invented grandparents and baby sitters. However, if you feel your daughter can't handle the stress, be honest with her and tell her why you have "concerns."

DEAR ABBY: My daughter has been friends with twin girls for several years. Their parents are divorced, and we've always known that money is tight in their family. We invite them over to eat as often as we can, and they know our home is their home and a safe place.

The girls are now all applying to colleges, but the twins have repeatedly expressed concern that they don't have enough money to pay the ACT submission fees or the college submission fees. They are both working long hours and trying to save money for college.

We are in a position to help them submit these applications, but don't know how to approach the topic. We are not close with either of their parents. Most important, we don't want to risk a parent telling the girls they can't spend time at our home. How can we help? -- ENOUGH TO SHARE

DEAR ENOUGH TO SHARE: You are generous and compassionate to want to do this. Because the girls spend so much time at your home, it's likely their parents already know their daughters are friendly with your family. I do not think it would be offensive if you were to call the parents and make the offer. If they are reluctant to accept, you could propose it as a "loan" that can be repaid after the girls graduate.

DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law died a couple of months ago, and since then my mother-in-law insists that one of her kids spend the night with her. She told them that "people" have told her she should not spend a night alone for at least a year.

This is causing grief and bitterness because my husband has explained to her that when he stayed the first two weeks, he left me at home alone, and it was time she started facing things and move on.

What are the obligations of the children when a parent dies? His mother doesn't need them financially. Are we being too hard on her, or does she need to seek help with moving on? We are afraid that if she keeps this up, she's going to push herself into an early grave or drive her kids away. -- TIRED OF SLEEPING ALONE

DEAR TIRED: My deepest sympathy to your mother-in-law for her loss, but it is not the responsibility of an adult child to leave his (or her) spouse to sleep with Mama for a year. A week or two, perhaps -- but certainly not a year.

His mother should talk to her clergyperson or doctor about joining a grief support group to help her through this difficult time. And if she's afraid to be alone in the house -- and she's an animal lover -- a solution to that could be for her to adopt a dog from an animal rescue organization.