DEAR ABBY: My husband drinks a lot. When he does, his personality changes to the point that I don't want to be around him. He's aware of this, but he continues to drink.

Recently I caught him sneaking alcohol, so I hid the bottle. When he realized what I had done, he retaliated by letting our cat out after dark, which we don't do because of the coyotes in our area. (We recently lost a cat to them after dark.) After he did it, "Joe" nonchalantly let me know the cat was outside. He didn't say why he did it, but I figured it out.

I know he's an alcoholic, but isn't this evil? It feels evil. Or is it the stunted, vindictive mind of an alcoholic? -- LET THE CAT OUT

DEAR LET THE CAT OUT: Whether your husband's mind is stunted, I can't say. But what he did was, indeed, vindictive. It was also cruel. As your letter shows, alcoholism is a disease that affects not only the alcoholic, but also the people who are close to them.

Whether you can continue living this way is for you to decide, but before making up your mind, you would be wise to visit some Al-Anon meetings. To find one near you, visit al-anon.alateen.org or call 1-888-4-ALANON. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: I've been involved with a younger man for 15 years. "Grant" and I were great friends, but always kept things casual -- bars, hotels, sports events. We agreed we would discuss it if we wanted to date other people and allowed each other the freedom to do so over the years, but we would always come back together.

This year on my birthday I was shocked to find out through social media that Grant has been in a relationship with another woman the whole time I have known him. In fact, he married her and had a baby with her! He has been lying to me since the day we met.

I feel terrible not only for myself, but also for Grant's wife. I consider him a scumbag at this point. My gut reaction was to contact his wife and spill the beans. But after I cooled down, I'm not sure if it makes sense to ruin three more lives. I just feel he should be responsible for his actions and shouldn't get away with it. What would you do in this situation? -- BURNT TO A CRISP

DEAR BURNT: Honestly? I'd move on.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a large medical facility that relies on nurses to attend every shift they are assigned. Last Christmas a nurse I know called in saying her father had died. The thing is, I have known her for years, and her father has been dead as long as I have known her. Would it be snitching to tell my supervisor what I know? -- SHORTHANDED IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR SHORTHANDED: Yes, it would. But it wouldn't be snitching to inform the nurse that lying to get out of work is not only unfair to the rest of you, but also unprofessional.

DEAR ABBY: My mother has a tight circle of friends she socializes with often. They are all retired with grown children and grandchildren and eager to share every bit of news of their lives. Mom talks nonstop about her friends' children's parenting challenges, marital squabbles and medical issues. The challenge for me is that anything I tell her becomes fodder for their cocktail-hour discussion, which then gets around our community.

After hearing that the daughter of one of my mom's neighbors knew the results of my breast biopsy, I stopped sharing anything personal. This has damaged our relationship. She doesn't think mothers and daughters should keep secrets from each other, and I agree, but she also said she won't keep secrets from her friends.

I miss being able to turn to her for support, but do not want the world to know my business. I understand that her friends are like family to her, but they are not my family, and I think she has chosen gossip over our relationship. Is keeping her at arm's length my only choice here, or is there another path that I can't see? -- NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS

DEAR NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS: Your mother's judgment is terrible. Her friends may be "like family" to her, but they are not family. If you prefer not to have your personal business be fodder for lunchtime conversation, then your only choice is to carefully edit what you tell her.

DEAR ABBY: I have an issue with my daughter marrying a man who has no job. She has been supporting him financially. He has had a few jobs, but he gets fired or quits within a few weeks or months.

My daughter is 30 and never married. She's an assistant professor at a good university and a leader in her field of education. Her intended has no career and no prospects. He asked her to marry him without consulting me. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I would have expressed my concern about his lack of career.

I can't alienate my daughter by saying the wrong thing. But what if she can't work someday and he can't support a household? He has a million excuses. I don't think he's the man she thinks he is. My life lessons tell me he may never be the man she thinks he could be. I have come to the conclusion that marrying him would bring her only misery. What should I do? -- VERY WORRIED DAD

DEAR VERY WORRIED DAD: It would not be wrong if, without putting her fiance down, you expressed to your daughter your concern about his employment record (or lack of one) and the impact it may have on their future. And when you do, raise the question of what she thinks might happen if for some reason she becomes unable to work, because it's a good one, and something she should carefully consider before tying the knot.

After that, accept that at 30, your daughter is an adult who has the right to go forward with the marriage if she chooses, and keep your fingers crossed.

DEAR ABBY: I became estranged from my family after I came out as gay. I am OK with it and don't really care anymore. The problem is, besides having no family, I have no friends either. I always had difficulty making friends. I'm an introvert and was bullied at school, so I found it more comfortable just hanging out at home by myself.

I have come to accept the absence of friends as my reality. I try to do fun things by myself, like seeing movies and eating out at restaurants, but the holiday season is hard to bear. Most people look forward to it, but I dread this time of year. It only makes me more aware of how alone and lonely I am.

I am too embarrassed to go out by myself during the holidays because most people are out with family and friends. Can you suggest some things I could do for the holidays instead of staying home and watching TV by myself? -- HOLIDAY HURTING IN THE EAST

DEAR HOLIDAY HURTING: I may be able to solve two of your problems at the same time. Start calling some of the charitable organizations in your area and ask if they can use an extra pair of hands during the holiday season. Serving food at a homeless shelter or food pantry and delivering meals to shut-ins come to mind.

A sure cure for the blues is to reach out and do something for someone who needs a helping hand. If you try it, you may meet like-minded people and start some friendships.

DEAR ABBY: My wife of 37 years is a perfectionist. I am not. Her father used to call her "Little Miss Perfect." I try to help around the house, but she always comes afterward to "correct" my mistakes and make things "perfect." I am not sloppy about my work -- just not up to her standards.

Two examples: I make the bed; she remakes it. I can't even mow the grass correctly because she likes diagonal cuttings and I cut parallel to the street. After one day, there's no difference. As a result, I have given up helping.

This doesn't bother her one bit; she gladly does all the work. Further, she's busy ALL day. We never have a chance to talk. When we do, it is always trivial: the weather, our schedule or her job at work.

I am retired and find this disconcerting. When I try my hobbies, she's all over me, so I quit them. Most men would trade places in an instant, but I'm just trying to figure out how to live with her and myself. I try to golf a lot. -- UNHAPPY HUBBY IN MICHIGAN

DEAR UNHAPPY HUBBY: Has it occurred to you that your wife may suffer from OCD, and that's the reason everything has to be "perfect"? It appears the only thing that isn't perfect is your marriage.

Perhaps it's time you talked to her about how her obsession with perfection makes you feel -- because from where I sit, it comes across as a passive-aggressive putdown. Unless she's willing to recognize that what she's doing isn't healthy for your marriage and consider professional help, nothing will change.

In the meantime, consider more hobbies you can do on your own or with friends -- hiking, hunting, skiing, fishing, etc.