DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost eight months. We love each other and talk often about marriage, family, etc.

The other night -- just for fun -- I looked online at rings and showed my mom a few I really loved. She quickly dismissed all of them, and started telling me how I need a big stone and that it needs to be expensive. Then she went online and looked herself and was telling me which ones I should be interested in. Mom offered to take me to a jeweler's to find the "perfect" ring.

She has always been a helicopter parent, but now, as my boyfriend and I are becoming more serious, she's going into warp drive. How can I tell her gently to butt out? Also, what's your advice on the ring situation? -- DAUGHTER OF A HELICOPTER MOM

DEAR DAUGHTER: You and your mother are both jumping the gun. "Talking often of marriage, family, etc." is not an engagement. If you allow your mother to involve herself in this, I predict you will never get engaged because your boyfriend -- if he's smart -- will run for the hills. When and if you do decide to tie the knot, the two of you should go to a jeweler together and select something he can afford and you will enjoy wearing. Period.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a young woman in my 20s. I have been blessed with a loving family, lots of opportunities and people who care about me. My problem is, I don't feel worthy of any of it.

A lot of the time when I'm around people, I feel like I'm on the outside looking in -- like an intruder. When I join groups and listen, I feel like I'm eavesdropping. When I try to pitch in, I feel like I'm annoying everyone. I try to be like people who other people like, but I feel I fall far short of the mark.

I wish I could change and be less irritating and more interesting, but I don't know how to change my personality, or even if I could. I'm just tired of not feeling worthy enough. I know this feeling isn't rational, but it's here to stay, apparently. What should I do? -- UNWORTHY

DEAR UNWORTHY: There is nothing so defeating to social success than low self-esteem -- feeling undeserving and not good enough. The first thing you should do is stop trying to change yourself to please others because it doesn't work. Then try to pinpoint where these feelings of unworthiness originated. If you can't manage it on your own -- many people can't -- make an appointment to discuss it with a licensed mental health professional. You deserve to feel good about yourself and what you contribute.

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, it was considered improper to send a holiday card to a friend or family member who experienced the loss of a child or spouse during the year.

What is correct today? And what about an invitation to a party? -- CAREFUL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CAREFUL: If there was a "rule" that people who have suffered a loss should not receive a holiday card, I have never heard of it. One would think that those who are grieving would appreciate knowing they were being remembered.

As to inviting the person to a party -- not everyone grieves in the same way or for the same length of time. Unless religious custom prevents it, if you think the friend or relative might enjoy the event, by all means extend an invitation. The invitee can always refuse if it's too soon.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 50-something single man living with my elderly mother. My father passed away a while ago, and the only members of my family left are me, my mom and my older sister, who has a 27-year-old son, "Jeff." They do not live with us.

My sister has been divorced for 10 years. Jeff and his parents never had a scheduled dinnertime, and they never ate together. Jeff's meals consisted of whatever he wanted, eaten in his bedroom.

Once a week, my mother makes a nice dinner and invites my sister and nephew over. The problem is, Jeff was never taught proper table manners. He eats like a caveman, slurps his food and holds the utensils like a 2-year-old. It's embarrassing. When I mention this to my mother, she gets on my case about "criticizing" him. She sees the problem, but doesn't want to say anything for fear of offending him. His mother sees it, too, but does nothing.

Jeff has no girlfriend or significant other at the moment, but if he were to go to any "nice" restaurant, he'd end up looking idiotic. It has reached the point that I can no longer look at him while we are at the table because it ruins my appetite. How can someone tactfully teach this kid how to eat and conduct himself properly? -- CAVEMAN'S UNCLE

DEAR UNCLE: This is a sad situation, considering how many social occasions revolve around food. If no one ever took the time during the last 27 years to explain basic table etiquette to Jeff, you can't blame your nephew for his atrocious manners.

You should speak to him about this -- but privately -- and ask if he would like you to give him some pointers. However, if he refuses, you might be happier eating elsewhere when your mother invites Jeff and his mom for dinner.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, my wife and I went dancing with my friend "Dick" and his wife. While I was in the middle of a conversation with Dick, my wife kept trying to interrupt. She even laid her hand on my arm to try to get my attention. I ignored her and told her later she had been rude to try to interrupt my conversation. She thinks I disrespected her and our marriage by putting conversation with my friend above her. This happens often when the four of us are together.

Am I being insensitive to my wife's feelings? We frequently disagree, but we have been married 44 years. Your input would be appreciated. -- ALWAYS A LOVING HUSBAND

DEAR LOVING HUSBAND: It is generally considered rude to interrupt someone when he or she is talking. The next time your wife does it, stop and ask her what's so important. (Could it be that the band is playing your song?)

However, if you have been droning on with your buddy for a long time, she may simply be craving some attention. If that's the case, perhaps it would be better if you saw Dick on a one-to-one basis without the wives around. That way you won't be interrupted.

DEAR ABBY: My husband drinks a lot. When he does, his personality changes to the point that I don't want to be around him. He's aware of this, but he continues to drink.

Recently I caught him sneaking alcohol, so I hid the bottle. When he realized what I had done, he retaliated by letting our cat out after dark, which we don't do because of the coyotes in our area. (We recently lost a cat to them after dark.) After he did it, "Joe" nonchalantly let me know the cat was outside. He didn't say why he did it, but I figured it out.

I know he's an alcoholic, but isn't this evil? It feels evil. Or is it the stunted, vindictive mind of an alcoholic? -- LET THE CAT OUT

DEAR LET THE CAT OUT: Whether your husband's mind is stunted, I can't say. But what he did was, indeed, vindictive. It was also cruel. As your letter shows, alcoholism is a disease that affects not only the alcoholic, but also the people who are close to them.

Whether you can continue living this way is for you to decide, but before making up your mind, you would be wise to visit some Al-Anon meetings. To find one near you, visit al-anon.alateen.org or call 1-888-4-ALANON. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: I've been involved with a younger man for 15 years. "Grant" and I were great friends, but always kept things casual -- bars, hotels, sports events. We agreed we would discuss it if we wanted to date other people and allowed each other the freedom to do so over the years, but we would always come back together.

This year on my birthday I was shocked to find out through social media that Grant has been in a relationship with another woman the whole time I have known him. In fact, he married her and had a baby with her! He has been lying to me since the day we met.

I feel terrible not only for myself, but also for Grant's wife. I consider him a scumbag at this point. My gut reaction was to contact his wife and spill the beans. But after I cooled down, I'm not sure if it makes sense to ruin three more lives. I just feel he should be responsible for his actions and shouldn't get away with it. What would you do in this situation? -- BURNT TO A CRISP

DEAR BURNT: Honestly? I'd move on.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a large medical facility that relies on nurses to attend every shift they are assigned. Last Christmas a nurse I know called in saying her father had died. The thing is, I have known her for years, and her father has been dead as long as I have known her. Would it be snitching to tell my supervisor what I know? -- SHORTHANDED IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR SHORTHANDED: Yes, it would. But it wouldn't be snitching to inform the nurse that lying to get out of work is not only unfair to the rest of you, but also unprofessional.