DEAR ABBY: I have a problem and no clue how to solve it. I teach in an international primary school in China, and was approached by the father of one of my students. I had given her a "C" in the class. Her father wanted me to change her grade to an "A." He felt that a "C" was too low a mark, even though I explained it was what she deserved.

While parents complaining about their children's marks is not uncommon, he offered me about $1,000 in local currency if I would change it. When I spoke about it to another teacher who has been here longer, he told me that bribery is very common in Asia. He did not mention whether he had ever accepted "gifts" like this.

What should I do? Accepting and not accepting this "gift" both have consequences. -- TEACHER IN CHINA

DEAR TEACHER: There is tremendous pressure on students in China to excel. What you have described may be common practice there, but that doesn't mean you must do it. If you accept the bribe, you will not only have violated your own principles, but may also make yourself vulnerable to blackmail in the future. Discuss this with the principal or director of the primary school, because if the school turns out incompetent graduates, eventually its reputation will suffer.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an 18-year-old girl and on my way to Navy boot camp. I'm excited about my enlistment, but I have a few troubling distractions.

The first is my mother, "Dana." I moved in with my dad a year and a half ago, and it has been an amazing, positive change. But any contact I have with Dana or my grandmother screws me up majorly. I become mopey, have a bad attitude, and I'm just an all-around bad person to be around. This upsets my dad and my stepmom, "Ashley," whom I consider to be my true mom, because it affects them and my three sisters.

They say I need to forgive and let go, since obviously I won't get an apology from Dana for how she raised and treated me. What I need is advice on how to forgive and remove her from my life without hurting her feelings or making it worse at home. -- ON MY WAY TO BOOT CAMP

DEAR ON YOUR WAY: It isn't necessary to forgive a toxic parent. What you need to do is distance yourself from her, which will happen soon as you depart for boot camp. If being around Dana depresses you, see her as little as possible and don't feel guilty about it. Do not demand or expect an apology from her and don't offer one, because separating oneself from someone who mistreated you is healthy.

DEAR ABBY: I recently graduated from a prestigious university. I am proud of having graduated from there, and I would like to put a bumper sticker of that university on my car. My father says I shouldn't do it because it will come across as pretentious.

While I understand where he's coming from, my pride for my alma mater is no different than that of many of my high school friends who went to various universities around the country. I'm not sure what to do and would appreciate your opinion. -- PROUD ALUM IN TEXAS

DEAR PROUD ALUM: I'm sure your father means well. However, if you would like to advertise the fact that you graduated from a prestigious university, go ahead and do so. You have earned the right, and no one should criticize you for it.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost eight months. We love each other and talk often about marriage, family, etc.

The other night -- just for fun -- I looked online at rings and showed my mom a few I really loved. She quickly dismissed all of them, and started telling me how I need a big stone and that it needs to be expensive. Then she went online and looked herself and was telling me which ones I should be interested in. Mom offered to take me to a jeweler's to find the "perfect" ring.

She has always been a helicopter parent, but now, as my boyfriend and I are becoming more serious, she's going into warp drive. How can I tell her gently to butt out? Also, what's your advice on the ring situation? -- DAUGHTER OF A HELICOPTER MOM

DEAR DAUGHTER: You and your mother are both jumping the gun. "Talking often of marriage, family, etc." is not an engagement. If you allow your mother to involve herself in this, I predict you will never get engaged because your boyfriend -- if he's smart -- will run for the hills. When and if you do decide to tie the knot, the two of you should go to a jeweler together and select something he can afford and you will enjoy wearing. Period.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a young woman in my 20s. I have been blessed with a loving family, lots of opportunities and people who care about me. My problem is, I don't feel worthy of any of it.

A lot of the time when I'm around people, I feel like I'm on the outside looking in -- like an intruder. When I join groups and listen, I feel like I'm eavesdropping. When I try to pitch in, I feel like I'm annoying everyone. I try to be like people who other people like, but I feel I fall far short of the mark.

I wish I could change and be less irritating and more interesting, but I don't know how to change my personality, or even if I could. I'm just tired of not feeling worthy enough. I know this feeling isn't rational, but it's here to stay, apparently. What should I do? -- UNWORTHY

DEAR UNWORTHY: There is nothing so defeating to social success than low self-esteem -- feeling undeserving and not good enough. The first thing you should do is stop trying to change yourself to please others because it doesn't work. Then try to pinpoint where these feelings of unworthiness originated. If you can't manage it on your own -- many people can't -- make an appointment to discuss it with a licensed mental health professional. You deserve to feel good about yourself and what you contribute.

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, it was considered improper to send a holiday card to a friend or family member who experienced the loss of a child or spouse during the year.

What is correct today? And what about an invitation to a party? -- CAREFUL IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CAREFUL: If there was a "rule" that people who have suffered a loss should not receive a holiday card, I have never heard of it. One would think that those who are grieving would appreciate knowing they were being remembered.

As to inviting the person to a party -- not everyone grieves in the same way or for the same length of time. Unless religious custom prevents it, if you think the friend or relative might enjoy the event, by all means extend an invitation. The invitee can always refuse if it's too soon.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 50-something single man living with my elderly mother. My father passed away a while ago, and the only members of my family left are me, my mom and my older sister, who has a 27-year-old son, "Jeff." They do not live with us.

My sister has been divorced for 10 years. Jeff and his parents never had a scheduled dinnertime, and they never ate together. Jeff's meals consisted of whatever he wanted, eaten in his bedroom.

Once a week, my mother makes a nice dinner and invites my sister and nephew over. The problem is, Jeff was never taught proper table manners. He eats like a caveman, slurps his food and holds the utensils like a 2-year-old. It's embarrassing. When I mention this to my mother, she gets on my case about "criticizing" him. She sees the problem, but doesn't want to say anything for fear of offending him. His mother sees it, too, but does nothing.

Jeff has no girlfriend or significant other at the moment, but if he were to go to any "nice" restaurant, he'd end up looking idiotic. It has reached the point that I can no longer look at him while we are at the table because it ruins my appetite. How can someone tactfully teach this kid how to eat and conduct himself properly? -- CAVEMAN'S UNCLE

DEAR UNCLE: This is a sad situation, considering how many social occasions revolve around food. If no one ever took the time during the last 27 years to explain basic table etiquette to Jeff, you can't blame your nephew for his atrocious manners.

You should speak to him about this -- but privately -- and ask if he would like you to give him some pointers. However, if he refuses, you might be happier eating elsewhere when your mother invites Jeff and his mom for dinner.

DEAR ABBY: Recently, my wife and I went dancing with my friend "Dick" and his wife. While I was in the middle of a conversation with Dick, my wife kept trying to interrupt. She even laid her hand on my arm to try to get my attention. I ignored her and told her later she had been rude to try to interrupt my conversation. She thinks I disrespected her and our marriage by putting conversation with my friend above her. This happens often when the four of us are together.

Am I being insensitive to my wife's feelings? We frequently disagree, but we have been married 44 years. Your input would be appreciated. -- ALWAYS A LOVING HUSBAND

DEAR LOVING HUSBAND: It is generally considered rude to interrupt someone when he or she is talking. The next time your wife does it, stop and ask her what's so important. (Could it be that the band is playing your song?)

However, if you have been droning on with your buddy for a long time, she may simply be craving some attention. If that's the case, perhaps it would be better if you saw Dick on a one-to-one basis without the wives around. That way you won't be interrupted.