DEAR ABBY: After planning to not have children, my partner and I had to adopt one of his family members. Long story short, it was us or an unsafe situation.

I have never in my life had an interest in children or spent any time with them. After a few years, I still have no interest in parenting. I work long hours, so my partner does most of it, but he is better at it, so it makes sense.

I ensure that the child's needs are met. I organize events, take him to point A or B, but have no interest in bonding or spending time with him -- no desire to form a connection, which I feel some guilt about. Deep down, I resent having been forced to take on a responsibility I never wanted in the first place. Is it good enough to provide a safe, stable home with opportunities for a child, but not to love or form a special connection with him? -- RELUCTANT PARENT IN TEXAS

DEAR RELUCTANT: In your case, it appears it's going to have to be. We don't have to love everyone, but we do have to treat them well, which you have done to the best of your ability. But recognize that if you are truly unable to form an emotional bond with the child, his only attachment will be to your partner. And because of all the effort you have put into raising him, it's rather sad -- for you.

DEAR ABBY: I noticed a picture of a young boy on Facebook. He appeared to be about 4 or 5. He was holding a sign stating that if he received 20,000 "likes," his father would quit smoking. My immediate reaction was, "Isn't the fact that your son loves you enough to make you be healthy?"

I question the values we are teaching our young children. In a world where the trend is to conform and gather likes, how much value should we allow our children to place on the opinions of others? Should our self-esteem and actions be based this heavily on being "liked" by strangers or peers? I'm an old-fashioned gal who believes in family ties and the strength a person develops by acting independently. -- BELIEVES IN FAMILY TIES

DEAR BELIEVES: Whether we like it or not, people -- especially young people -- depend upon the affirmation of others. The internet provides a quick and easy way for folks to bring attention to themselves or to a cause they believe in. Whether this phenomenon is healthy, I cannot say -- but of this I am certain: It's here to stay.

I agree with you that for his health and for the sake of his child, the father should quit smoking without being bribed with computer clicks. Between you and me, I suspect it was something the boy's mother dreamed up. Perhaps I'm suffering from "cuteness fatigue." But if you believe a child thought that gambit up on his own, I have a bridge in Brooklyn I'd like to sell you.

DEAR ABBY: I have known "Kathy" for 13 years. Her parents moved up the street from us when we were both 2. I don't remember much when we were younger, but everyone says we had some good times.

We are now 15 and in our first year of high school. My problem is, Kathy has changed. She started going to the same school I did in eighth grade after having some problems with bullying. The new school didn't help much. She started hanging out with people who weren't good influences, and her attitude started changing.

Then we started high school, and now she acts like she's above me. I'm a polite, quiet and religious person. Kathy swears a lot and doesn't treat me like a friend anymore. Our families are close, and I feel stuck. If our situations were different, I would have never ended up being friends with her. What should I do? -- SOME GOOD TIMES

DEAR SOME GOOD TIMES: Tell your parents how you feel about Kathy and why. Friendships don't always last forever. As time goes by, sometimes people grow apart. If Kathy is unkind to you, you shouldn't be forced to be around her. Because your parents and hers are close, they can socialize as adults, with no offspring involved.

DEAR ABBY: My husband lacks sympathy. When people die, he has the attitude of, "Oh well, people die." I thought he would change once someone close to him died, but his father died a few months ago, and although he shed some tears, he refused to eulogize him at the funeral and is back to his old attitude. His mother is the same way.

Recently, my grown son phoned me in the middle of the night to let me know that his best friend's dad had died. He was very upset and needed to talk. My husband was annoyed that he woke us about someone we didn't even know, and went on to say how ridiculous it was that my son was so upset. I told him that, as a mom, I will talk my son through any problem, whether he agrees with it or not. He just grumbled and went back to sleep.

This is still bothering me. I wonder how my husband will act toward my children if I die first. I worry that he will say "suck it up and stop crying" when they need him the most. I don't think this is worth ending a 30-year marriage over, but it makes me angry that he is so unsympathetic. Any ideas on how I should handle this? -- FULL OF FEELING IN ARIZONA

DEAR FULL: Yes. Outlive him.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a longtime reader and recently I have been reading the archives and find it funny that most requests for advice are relevant even in this day and age. My question is, now that we have caller ID and cellphones, do you still say "hello" when you answer a call? The greeting seems false since you know exactly who is calling you. It could be because I am in my 40s and didn't grow up with cellphones. -- AIMEE IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR AIMEE: The customary greeting is still to say hello. However, because we now have caller ID, which gives us the advantage of knowing who the caller is, many people answer their phones by addressing the person by name (i.e., "Hello, Aimee!").

DEAR ABBY: Many of your published letters come from unhappy married women. Some of them seem unable to get objective advice that would make themselves and their marriages happier. I'm fortunate to be happily married (33 years) to a wonderful woman who has a clear perspective.

Three pearls of wisdom she could share:

1. Don't sulk because your husband can't read your mind. Trust him; he'd like to help. And listen to your tone as you point out how he can.

2. The way you talk about him to your friends is an expression of your fidelity. Talk about him honestly, but with respect. If you do, he'll admire and encourage your close friendships and take a sincere interest in your friends as people. If your MO is to grouse and complain about him, in his mind and heart he will feel you're abandoning him.

3. Be clear that while your husband might say he'd like to treat you like a queen, you're both better off being equals -- partners, side-by-side. In our marriage, there is no "better half." There are two halves.

It's amazing how much joy we have experienced during our years together, based on this simple foundation. My esteem for my wife only grows each year -- something that seems impossible, but then again, fantastic things usually do. -- PETER, A GRATEFUL HUSBAND

DEAR PETER: Thank you for sharing those words of wisdom because they apply to husbands as well as wives. There's a saying: The higher the pedestal, the longer the fall. Partners who treat each other as equals and with respect -- and the key word is "respect" -- usually have long-lasting and happy unions. Those who complain behind a spouse's back, who denigrate rather than elevate, do not make themselves look better or their marriages healthier. I'm glad you wrote.

DEAR ABBY: How do you deal with adult "children" who ignore issues about their health? My 30-something son had a root canal a few days ago. His face is swollen, he has lost sleep and is in pain. His wife has tried everything to get him to get it checked out, and she just called me in desperation.

Why does he do this? It isn't the first time she and others have begged him to take care of himself. She's pregnant and they have two other small kids. He has insurance, so it's not about money. It's just so stressful for those of us who love him. He works for himself and is a high-energy guy and a great dad. -- QUESTIONING MY SON'S SANITY

DEAR QUESTIONING: Some men feel that acknowledging pain is showing weakness. They think that if they just "gut it out" a while longer, things will get better. And while many of them do, many also don't.

Pick up the phone and tell your daughter-in-law to call the dentist who did the root canal and ask whether what her husband is experiencing is normal. And if the answer is that it's not, she should tell her husband that "the surgeon wants him to come in for a recheck" to be sure his wounds haven't become infected.