DEAR ABBY: I have always tried to be a compassionate person. I have experienced a lot of abuse, and I'm sensitive to others who go through it. A man across the street from me has been arrested three times in the last six months for domestic abuse. I rarely see a woman there, so I don't know if the victim is a woman or a child. I moved into the neighborhood only six months ago. My elderly mother lives here with me.

I'm torn about what to do. My heart says I should reach out to the people who live there and make friends with them. My head says stay out of their business because I don't need the drama.

How do we as a society not turn a blind eye to abuse in our neighborhoods and still protect ourselves and loved ones? I don't want to put my mother or myself in jeopardy, but I don't want the person/people in that house to think they are alone. -- NO MORE IN TEXAS

DEAR NO MORE: While I applaud you for being so caring, for your own safety, I caution you to proceed very slowly in getting to know these people. Some communities provide anonymous tip lines so citizens can report a crime without endangering themselves or their families. The best thing you can do is to keep your eyes open and if something is happening, call the police and report it. If it involves a child, contact child protective services.

DEAR ABBY: My parents and I were always close. However, recently they stole my debit card, my PIN and child support check. They forged my signature and spent the entire check, which was more than $1,000.

I am always lending them money. I have never said no when they needed it. To top it off, they lied to me about the check for an entire month. I only found out when I turned the fraud in to the bank and heard it was my parents who had committed it.

Now my account is frozen and I am wiped out. I have two kids and one on the way, and recently I lost my job. My mother keeps trying to make me feel guilty for turning them in and doesn't understand why I am mad. I am having trouble forgiving them. I am just so angry. Should I forgive them, or do I have the right to be mad? -- FORGIVE OR FORGET IN MICHIGAN

DEAR FORGIVE OR FORGET: One of the hallmarks of abusers is that they try to make their victims think the abuse was in some way their own fault. Your mother fully understands why you are angry. You must not allow her to make you feel guilty.

Your parents stole from you and their grandchildren. They appear to have no conscience. Now you know what they are capable of, it is important that you keep your distance from them, or they'll do it again.

DEAR ABBY: Can an atheist be a godparent? -- WONDERING IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WONDERING: Yes. Today, the word "godparent" does not always have explicitly religious overtones. A godparent can be anyone the parents trust to take care of their child in the event of the parents' deaths. However, the potential godparents and the child's parents should discuss this in detail before any decision is made about conferring such an honor and responsibility.

DEAR ABBY: As parents of an adopted child, we were concerned about when we would have "the conversation." Then a neighbor told us about how they would celebrate "Gotcha Day" with their adopted daughter each year.

Gotcha Day is a day to celebrate because it's the day we became a family. We "adopted" their idea and have been doing something special on this day since before our child could even say the word "gotcha."

Early on, she had no idea what we were celebrating; she just knew it was a special day for us. Through the years, she was able to process exactly what it meant at her own pace, which relieved the need to ever have that dreaded conversation. Recently our daughter told us she loves this day more than her actual birthday!

I thought I'd share this with other adoptive parents who worry about when the right time might be to explain to their child that they were prayed for, wanted, loved and adopted. -- BLESSED PARENTS IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BLESSED PARENTS: I had never heard of anything like this, but I think it's a great concept and certainly worth sharing with my readers. Thank you!

DEAR ABBY: After 32 years of marriage, my wife went out and got a tattoo on her shoulder. It's about 8 inches by 6 inches (quite large), and she did it without any advance discussion with me, which has left me sort of shocked. Her position is that it's her body and she'll do what she wants. This has driven a wedge between us, and I'm not sure if we can move forward. What is your advice? -- UNMARKED IN NEVADA

DEAR UNMARKED: To me, what's important is not that your wife got the tattoo without discussing it with you, but her motive for doing it in secret. My advice is to do nothing in haste or in anger. Try to get her to explain to you what the tattoo symbolizes to her, because it may be important. After that, whether you decide to move forward -- or move out -- is something only you can decide.

DEAR ABBY: My co-worker tried to commit suicide last year. She took eight months off after that. Now we are approaching the one-year anniversary.

We work for a small, family-owned business. Everyone knows she tried to kill herself, but no one knows why. She has reduced her hours and her stress level, at least at work. I have picked up most of her duties, and I'm quick to lend a hand. She's a lot older than I am, and I'm not comfortable lending an ear.

How do we handle this situation? Do we act like it's just like any other normal day? -- UNCOMFORTABLE AT WORK

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: If your co-worker wanted to disclose her reason(s) for trying to kill herself, you would already know what drove her. Because a suicide attempt is nothing to celebrate, be sensitive and don't draw attention to it unless she brings it up.

DEAR ABBY: I am a new mom to a sweet baby boy. I am (or was) very career-oriented and never in a million years thought I would want to be a stay-at-home mom. I will have to return to work shortly, and I'm really struggling.

I have a hard time putting my little one in day care, but I don't have a choice. I have no idea where to begin, how to select the right day care or what questions to ask. Any assistance would be greatly appreciated. -- NEW MOM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NEW MOM: Start by talking to your friends and family, asking if they know of a day care that's good, then make sure that any facility you're considering is licensed. Spend a little time there to see how the caregivers interact with the children.

Go to babycenter.com and search on "daycare." You will find a section on day care centers that will give you the information you need. You should also check with your state's department of social services to be sure no complaints have been filed. I wish you luck in your search.

DEAR ABBY: Over the years the people closest to me (immediate family, friends and a few ex-boyfriends) have given me every reason not to trust anyone much.

About a year ago I found the courage to date again and met a man who gives me every reason to trust him to the fullest. The problem is, because of my past, I'm having problems doing it. How do I move past my issues and give the relationship I'm in a fair chance before I destroy it? -- GUN-SHY IN MAINE

DEAR GUN-SHY: Considering your history, it makes sense that you are afraid of being hurt or taken advantage of. However, not all people are alike. Allow the relationship more time to develop. Don't be afraid to talk things out with him rather than react by jumping to conclusions and/or making accusations.

Listen to what he says and watch what he does. If the two don't match, regard it as a red flag. However, if they do match, then count your blessings because you may have finally found a winner.

DEAR ABBY: For years I've gone to a neighborhood bar every Friday night for a few hours during cocktail hour. I have recently started using oxygen due to COPD from smoking.

My doctor says I can do anything I feel I'm up to. Well, I'm up to going out to the bar like I used to do. Trouble is, I'm self-conscious about the carrier. It doesn't bother me to go out to stores, etc., but this does. Should I stay home, bored out of my mind, or get on with the life I used to have? -- WANTS TO GET ON WITH LIFE

DEAR WANTS: Your doctor has said you can do what you want. I see nothing to be gained by sitting home alone and becoming depressed. My only concern is that the bar you frequent may be smoky and be problematic for your already-damaged lungs. If the bar is smoke-free, go. But if it isn't, then I'm suggesting you find one that is.