DEAR ABBY: I was married for more than 20 years. My ex and I divorced five years ago. During that time I stayed busy focusing on my children and their needs.

About seven months ago I met a nice guy. We saw each other for about five months, then out of nowhere, he broke things off. I was devastated. He said his reason for the breakup was "he needed time to find himself." He was recently divorced and has sole custody of his kids. He has been under a great deal of stress and started seeing a therapist a couple of months ago.

I understand why he needs this time, but I also wish he would let me help. He said he wants to remain friends. I avoided contact with him for several weeks, but now I am drawn back to him. My friends keep telling me to forget him, but I can't get him off my mind. We talk almost daily and have even gotten together again a couple of times. I keep telling myself all the reasons it won't work. Should I run away, stay friends only, or hope to work things out? -- HOPELESS ROMANTIC IN WISCONSIN

DEAR HOPELESS ROMANTIC: When a man says he "needs time to find himself" and breaks things off, it usually means he's no longer interested or ready for the kind of relationship you're looking for.

This man is newly divorced and parenting solo, so he has as much on his plate as he can handle right now. That he's seeing a therapist is a wise move, so give him credit for that. But the kind of problems he is trying to work through are not ones you can "help" him with. At a later date things may work out, but clearly not now. A friendship may be possible, but only if you are strong enough to disengage emotionally until he is ready -- which could take a very long time.

DEAR ABBY: I have noticed a trend at children's birthday parties. The children aren't opening their presents at the party. Instead, the parents collect the gifts and take them home for the child to open later. To me, this seems rude and inconsiderate to the children who are attending the party. Part of the enjoyment of giving a gift is seeing the recipient's response. Please let me know the rule of etiquette in this matter. Am I correct in thinking that presents should be opened at children's birthday parties in front of their guests? -- GIFT ETIQUETTE

DEAR G.E.: No rule of etiquette decrees that gifts "must" be opened at the birthday party. Because this trend bothers you, ask the parent of the birthday child why she or he has chosen to have the gifts opened afterward, because there may be more than one reason for it. One that occurs to me might be that it's a way of preventing embarrassment on the part of children who might not be able to afford a gift as expensive as some of the other children's.

DEAR READERS: Today marks the 100th anniversary of America's entry into World War I. In commemoration, I'm mentioning a special initiative to save America's war letters. Almost 20 years ago I wrote about a historian, Andy Carroll, who had launched a project to seek out and preserve war-related letters as a way of honoring and remembering our veterans, troops and their loved ones.

After the column appeared, Andy was deluged with responses. Today that collection holds approximately 100,000 wartime correspondences -- from handwritten letters penned during the American Revolution and Civil War, to emails from Iraq and Afghanistan. Andy has donated the entire collection to Chapman University in Orange, California, and the project is now called the Center for American War Letters (CAWL).

This week, Andy and CAWL are kicking off an ambitious "Million Letters Campaign." Andy will travel nationwide speaking at public libraries, museums, VFW and American Legion posts, civic groups, places of worship, military academies and more to explain the importance of these correspondences and encourage people to share with him their own war-related letters and emails. If you know of someone who has war letters, please share this information so the stories and voices of the men and women who have sacrificed so much for our nation will be preserved.

Andy would love to meet in person anyone with letters to contribute to this "Million Letters Campaign" and is always seeking new venues. If you know of a place he should speak, email him about it. For families with letters who cannot attend, submissions can be sent to Andrew Carroll/CAWL Chapman University, One University Drive, Orange, CA 92866. (Originals are preferred, but scans are also appreciated.)

Ultimately, Andy and CAWL are seeking letters from ALL American wars, on ANY subject matter. For information on how to attend or invite Andy to your community, visit www.WarLetters.us.

DEAR ABBY: My son, "Tom," is a senior in high school. About a month ago, he asked a girl named "Allie" to the prom. She said yes. Allie's mom is a hairdresser. My husband and I don't know her or her husband.

Allie's mother has asked two different people about us. One of them told us about it; the other I heard about secondhand. So last week I introduced myself to her at a local function. We spoke briefly, and I told her I would be in touch. A few days ago I called to invite her out for coffee and left a message with my phone number. She hasn't called me back. What can I do to get to know Allie's mother better? -- PROM MOM

DEAR PROM MOM: Make an appointment to have your hair done, and you'll have at least an hour with her.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for three years. We are both retired. Five months after the wedding, my husband let me know that he wasn't interested in having sex anymore. We no longer share a bedroom. He's overweight, not in the best of health, and refuses to change his diet or exercise.

I feel like I am living with a very nice male friend. Other than the lack of affection, he isn't a bad person and he pays all the bills. I did state clearly to him before we were married what I was looking for in a husband, and he agreed to everything I said. Although I am lonely, I would never cheat on him.

I have been thinking about an exit plan. We pray every night and attend church together. He refuses to consider any type of marriage counseling. I'm not stressed, but I know I must get out of here. Any suggestions on how to save this marriage? -- THE EXIT PLAN

DEAR EXIT: The answer to your question is no. You made clear to your husband that sex in a marriage was important to you. You say he "agreed to everything." Because that was not the truth and you were misled, consult an attorney to find out if the marriage can be annulled.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 10 years. We are both in our 50s. Six months ago, I found him with nail polish on his toes. When I asked him about it, he explained that it started in his 20s when a girlfriend painted his toes, and he liked it. He has been painting his toes ever since. He said he doesn't wear polish all the time, but he does it for himself and he likes how it looks. I asked if he was a cross-dresser, and he assured me he isn't.

I'm not sure how I should feel about this. I'm writing for opinions from you and others. I can't turn to my friends because I don't want this to become small-town gossip. -- PAINTED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR PAINTED: You asked for an opinion, so here's mine. Frankly, I'm surprised it has taken you 10 years to notice this. Because your husband enjoys painting his toenails, look the other way and don't obsess about it. We all have quirks, and what he's doing is harmless.

P.S. I have it on good authority that he isn't the only man who does it.

DEAR ABBY: I am estranged from my son because he changed his last name when he married. He did it over my objection. Reportedly, his wife's parents tried to dissuade them from doing it, too. The explanation we were given was "they need to have the same last name to feel like a family." I suppose our last name was not acceptable, although they claimed they had nothing against it.

I tried to compromise and suggested my son use a hyphenated name. They agreed to it, but changed their minds after the wedding. I suspect that their reason was they want their children to have a different last name than ours.

What is your take on this? Am I overreacting by wanting to have nothing to do with them? -- MOM OF ANOTHER NAME

DEAR MOM: Yes, you are overreacting. If you keep this up, your grandchildren will miss out on a loving grandma. It is possible that your son and his wife preferred a name that was less ethnic or easier to spell. Hyphenating names can create problems -- especially if it continues into the next generation.