DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law recently moved close to us. She has a nice home and has lots of friends in the area, but she doesn't want any of them to come visit.

Abby, her entire focus is on us! She walks right into our home, although she has been asked several times not to. She goes through my things and takes whatever she wants without asking. I can never relax unless my husband isn't home and I have locked the doors so she can't barge in. When he is here, she comes over, walks in, and if we have company, thinks she should join our guests.

I recently retired, and I get anxious because I want it peaceful, but with her invading our privacy, it's anything but. I have grown children I adore, but I don't want them walking in either, and they never would. It took me years to have a home life with my husband because he was a longtime bachelor, and for years his buddies would drop by unannounced. Now it's his mother!

I feel like the bad guy, but I just want what most people do -- to feel content in my own home. What else can I do? -- WANTS TO RUN AWAY

DEAR WANTS TO RUN AWAY: You should not have to feel like a prisoner in your own home. Keep all the entrances securely locked, especially the front door. While you're at it, if you haven't already done so, tell her to stay out of your belongings because you don't want any more items to "disappear."

Because your MIL won't listen to you, have your husband tell his mother not to drop in without calling first. If she does it anyway, when she shows up, rather than "ask" her not to do it, TELL her and don't let her in.

DEAR ABBY: I am one of your male readers. I took in a teenager on his 17th birthday because he wanted to leave an abusive, neglectful situation from his mother and her husband. I have known him since he was 4. During the time he has been here, we have bonded, and his appearance and attitude have improved. With his permission, I recently legally adopted him.

Our problem is that people are making comments that this is a sexual thing, which is absolutely not true. How can I quash these statements? He is very grateful to have a loving dad now, but is afraid of backlashes. -- ADULT ADOPTION

DEAR A.A.: The problem with rumors of this kind is that some people love to speculate, and truth has nothing to do with it. Unless you can pinpoint where the rumors are coming from, nothing you or your son can do will prove they are untrue. If that should change, however, there may be legal steps you could consider -- because accusations that someone is taking advantage of a minor could be considered slander.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Jerry Jr.," was named after his father. He had two sons, "Jerry III" and "Bobby." When Jerry III had a son, he decided not to carry on the tradition and named his son "Stephen." Now Bobby is expecting a son and would like to name him Jerry to honor his father. Our question is, would this child be Jerry IV, since he's part of the same immediate family? Or would he just be Jerry, since his father has a different name? -- ALL IN THE FAMILY

DEAR ALL IN THE FAMILY: That should be up to Bobby to decide. From where I sit, the baby would be just plain Jerry, unless your clan is planning on starting a dynasty.

DEAR ABBY: My friend recently had a baby and could really use my daughter's old clothes, as our girls are only a year apart and I have saved practically everything. But it will cost a considerable amount to ship several boxes, and I could use the extra money myself if I sold the clothes at a tag sale. Would I be cheap if I asked that when my friend is done with them, she donate the clothes to a charity and send me back the tax donation forms? -- WANTS TO KNOW IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR WANTS TO KNOW: First, a gentle reminder that once a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient. And yes, I believe you would come across as cheap. Either give the clothes out of the goodness of your heart, knowing you will reap rewards beyond the financial -- or donate them yourself.

DEAR ABBY: "Full of Feeling in Arizona" (Jan. 21) wrote about her husband lacking sympathy, and was worried he may not be there emotionally for her children in the event of her dying before he does. Your answer to her was to "outlive him," which had me rolling in laughter.

Perhaps another idea might be to write letters to her children now. A heartfelt letter taking family members through the loss of their mom (from their mom) or dad (from their mom who has already passed) may be very comforting to some. Or several letters for different occasions could be a beautiful gift. Just a thought. -- CHRISSY IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CHRISSY: Other readers suggested letter writing (and a personalized video message) as potential solutions to this problem. Read on for a sampling of other comments:

DEAR ABBY: Perhaps the mom should identify a relative or family friend to be aware of this issue and ready to step in and provide some support if needed. If the children and this person are alerted beforehand, they will know whom to turn to in case Mom predeceases her husband. Each child may wish to designate his or her own source of support, but the purpose of this exercise is to reassure the mother that her kids will not be alone. -- MAURA IN OREGON

DEAR ABBY: This woman needs to know that it's OK for her husband to be hard-nosed about death. While he should be more sympathetic to the feelings of others, he wasn't raised that way. His way of handling it is to put up a wall. Some people don't have the same depth of feelings as others. Mine are much more matter-of-fact than my friends'. But I can appreciate that we all grieve in different ways. -- DAVID IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ABBY: That woman's husband could have Asperger's syndrome, a type of high-functioning autism. These individuals, although accomplished and intelligent in many areas, have difficulty processing empathy. It makes them seem uncaring. This condition makes interaction between spouses extremely frustrating and difficult. It's worth considering. -- AUDREY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR ABBY: Could you explain to me why, as a species, men are so blind and stupid? There are millions of smart, funny, sweet, attractive -- even sexy -- eligible women to whom men do not give a second glance, or even acknowledge that these wonderful women exist. Then, these clueless guys moan about how they can't find a good woman, can't find love, have a hard time getting sex, etc., when there are scores of potentially awesome partners right under their noses! Why don't men ever grow up? Even men in their 40s, 50s and 60s suffer from the same stupidity about the dating scene as teenage boys. I repeat: WHY?! -- ELIGIBLE LADY IN ALABAMA

DEAR ELIGIBLE: Coupling up can be complicated these days, because many variables can come into play. Individuals of both sexes can be addicted to a "type" they fantasize about, chase the illusion of eternal youth by pursuing unsuitable partners and/or be commitment-phobic.

That said, you might have better luck with men if you didn't stereotype them, because some of them are encountering the same problems you are. And believe me, they are mystified, too.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 12-year-old girl who has a lot of friends at school, but lately there has been some tension coming from one of them. "Belle" missed an event that was very important to her. She's usually easygoing, but since then she hasn't been herself, and it's starting to worry some of us. We have tried everything from talking about her favorite topic to trying to write a song for her. Sometimes she acts like herself, but other times she gives me and another friend the silent treatment and the cold shoulder. Is she a friend worth keeping? -- CONCERNED FRIEND IN ALABAMA

DEAR CONCERNED: You won't know what's causing Belle to act the way she is unless you ask her directly. There may be more going on in her life than you are aware of that has nothing to do with you. If she's doing it because she's hurt and you weren't at fault, clear the air so she knows it. But understand that the time to be a friend is when somebody needs one.

DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, I lost my wife of 32 years. Every month, on the anniversary of her death, I buy flowers for my house to honor her.

I am now engaged to a wonderful woman. She understands that I will always grieve for the wife I lost, and she has always shown respect for the way I show my grief. My question is, should I stop buying flowers to honor my first wife once my fiancee and I get married and move into a house of our own? I want her to know that she holds the No. 1 place in my heart. -- TIME TO MOVE ON IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TTMO: I'm glad you asked. Although the sentiment behind those flowers is beautiful, I do not think it would be appropriate for you to bring flowers for your late wife into the home you will share with your next one. If you feel the need to honor your first wife, place flowers on her grave on her birthday.