DEAR ABBY: My fiancee has a death wish. She recently lost her youngest child to suicide. She's in a lot of pain and rarely has a good day. She suffers from PTSD and relives the scene daily in her mind.

She's a hard worker, so that helps to keep her mind off things. She lives in an empty house with nothing there but farm animals, which she says do help to make her happy.

Abby, I'm worried because she does things that put her in danger, like staying at her son's grave alone at night for hours. She told me recently she's planning to go out of state to visit her other son and then spend six days by herself camping and hiking. She also goes jogging alone late at night and leaves her doors unlocked.

It seems she just doesn't care about what may happen. She says don't worry, but I'm terrified that one day something will happen. She's not someone who would put up a fight.

We're recently engaged and I care deeply about her and her safety, but I'm helpless to say anything because she just gets mad. I don't know what to do. Can you maybe help me? -- VERY CONCERNED FIANCE IN FLORIDA

DEAR FIANCE: Your fiancee is in the throes of grief. If she is the person who discovered her son's body, she may be numb with shock and not thinking clearly.

It is not unusual for people who have lost a loved one -- particularly a child -- to wonder if life is still worth living and to engage either consciously or subconsciously in risk-taking behavior. A licensed psychotherapist or a suicide support group could help her to recognize what she's doing and to get through this. Seeing others who have experienced what she has and who are further along in the grieving process would be helpful.

If she's resistant to the idea, offer to go with her. The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (afsp.org) can help you find resources in your state.

DEAR ABBY: The husbands of both my two daughters asked for my blessing prior to asking my girls to marry them. I felt what they did was respectful and it was very much appreciated. My wife felt the same way when I relayed the good news to her.

I believe this courtesy replaced what in the "olden days" was a request for permission from the father rather than a blessing and, in my opinion, is more appropriate. If I am correct in my assumption that "permission" has evolved to "blessing," I wonder if it would have been more appropriate for them to have asked my wife and me together for our blessing. Your thoughts? -- PROUD PAPA

DEAR PROUD PAPA: Men asked permission of fathers to marry their daughters in "olden days" because the daughters were considered property. They could not marry without their father's consent. Thankfully, those customs are long gone -- in western society, at least. Please stop second-guessing your sons-in-law, who both seem like gems to me. Many couples today forgo the courtesy altogether.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a two-year relationship with a man who is loving and intelligent. We have talked about marriage since the beginning. I have traditional values, while he doesn't believe the institution of marriage is necessary.

This would be a second marriage for both of us. Our children are grown, so having kids doesn't factor into this decision. He says he's willing to marry me because he knows how important marriage is to me. I was raised in the church, and living together not only makes me uncomfortable, but is looked down upon by my family.

For a while he wanted to wait for a few of his financial issues to be worked out. They have been, but he doesn't seem ready to move forward. Another issue is that while we are compatible in most ways, we are polar opposites when it comes to politics and religion. It bothers me, but he says we don't have to agree on everything -- that if we did, life would be boring. I feel that to have a happy relationship, a couple's essential values and morals should be similar.

He never wants to discuss political issues, and it makes things difficult and awkward. I know he doesn't feel the same as I do, but he doesn't want to start an argument or discussion. We never really fight, but sometimes I'd like to be able to talk about what is going on in the world.

I'm wondering if a relationship with so many differences can survive. He does make me happy, and we have a very passionate, loving relationship. -- OPPOSITES ATTRACT IN WASHINGTON

DEAR OPPOSITES ATTRACT: Opposites often attract, that's true. And, depending upon the people involved, it can lead to successful marriages.

However, couples in a solid relationship need to be able to communicate honestly with each other, and your gentleman friend appears not to be capable of doing it fully, which is not a good sign. If you plan on taking this relationship to the next level, I recommend the two of you have premarital counseling. Your church may offer it. Or, if he would prefer, consult a licensed marriage and family counselor.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is 3. She has reached the point where she notices and comments upon others' appearance. Generally, her comments are of the "that lady has a big bottom!" variety, spoken loudly and within earshot. We are working on the concepts of manners and tact, in addition to learning that people come in all shapes, sizes, colors, etc.

In the meantime, however, have you any suggestions for how to address the subjects of her comments? I've offered some version of "I'm sorry, we're still working on our manners," but it seems to imply that I'm teaching her to make her hurtful comments in a quieter voice. -- EMBARRASSED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR EMBARRASSED: You are overthinking this. Children sometimes say the darndest things. The way you're handling it is just fine. I hardly think anyone will be wounded for life because of anything a 3-year-old utters. (Everything looks "big" to a kid that age.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a columnist who writes various news, feature and column stories. The other day, I received my first criticism. A reader chewed me out for challenging their program.

It's hard being a young writer. Facing criticism for doing my job makes it even harder. I work long hours and pour my life into my work.

After being chewed out, I couldn't get past it. I suffer from severe anxiety, so everything gets to me. I sit here every day thinking about how I'm not going to let this irritate me anymore, but it still does. How can I let this go? -- STRESSED REPORTER

DEAR STRESSED: Criticism goes with the territory. If you think readers are going to fill your inbox with nothing but praise for your efforts every day, you are in the wrong business. The way to get beyond this would be to ask yourself whether the criticism was valid. If it was, then learn from it. If it wasn't, realize that by dwelling on negativity, you hurt only yourself.

You should discuss your extreme anxiety with a licensed mental health professional. If you cannot break this self-defeating pattern, consider switching to another kind of writing, because constantly second-guessing yourself will only hold you back in your career.

DEAR ABBY: I was about to break off the relationship with my girlfriend two years ago, right before she was diagnosed with cancer. Because of the diagnosis, I decided to stay while she was fighting.

After two years of chemo, radiation and many, many surgeries, she's still fighting hard and may beat it. But I'm ready to move on with my life. Do I need to stay in the relationship until there's some type of conclusion with her cancer? -- ON HOLD IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ON HOLD: Considering that you were about to break up with this woman before she was diagnosed, I commend you for staying as long as you have. Your girlfriend could live this way for many more years to come. After two years, you should have a right to enjoy your own life. It might lessen the blow if you assure her that you are not abandoning her, and although your relationship may be changing, you will continue to be her supportive friend.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I argue over which way to put the silverware in the dishwasher. He says when he worked in restaurants he was told to put the handles down. I was taught by my Gramma to put the handles up, so when you grab the utensils to put them away you're not touching the part that goes in your mouth.

I said, "Well, when you're doing the dishes, do them your way, and when I do them, I'll do it my way." But, of course, we spend a lot of time rearranging each other's silverware. What's the correct way? -- JOELLE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR JOELLE: The answer to your question should be as simple as consulting the user handbook that came with your dishwasher. Most, if not all, brands caution owners to put knives in the basket with the points facing down. However, to prevent "nesting," spoons and forks will get optimum water pressure if they are facing up.