DEAR ABBY: We are from the Middle East. My younger brother married an American woman and moved to Arizona, where her family lives. Because our dad didn't approve, my brother made the plans behind our back and told Dad in an email. He also didn't mention that they were moving until a week before the wedding.

We have just found out from a friend that they're having a baby. They'll probably tell us after the baby is born. I have tried to get through to my brother that these secrets are not good for the relationship, but talking to him is frustrating. If they do give us the news after the baby is born, I no longer wish to speak to him. Is this OK? What should I do? -- FRUSTRATED IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your brother and sister-in-law's silence likely has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the way he and his wife felt about your father's disapproval of their marriage. They may have moved to Arizona because Arizona felt more welcoming than being close to your father did.

If possible, avoid the temptation to personalize the breach that has occurred. Try to keep the lines of communication open with your brother, because in the future it may be important. A card congratulating them on the birth of their baby would be a place to start.

DEAR ABBY: How does one tactfully deal with a super-sized guest? My husband can't travel anymore due to health issues. His brother and wife want to visit us. She weighs well over 400 pounds. My furniture probably won't hold her. To put it nicely, she is not "graceful."

We can rent a larger vehicle while they're here because she won't be able to fit in ours. I will have to pay someone to reinforce the bed in the guest room. We live in a rural area and there are no hotels nearby.

This is my husband's only living sibling, so at our age, who knows when we may ever see them again. Any suggestions? -- ONLY SIBLING

DEAR ONLY SIBLING: I do have one. Invest in a large, sturdy, comfortable chair that can accommodate your houseguest and guide her to it when she arrives.

DEAR ABBY: My 8-year-old daughter, "Rapunzel," is due for a haircut and always wanted to keep her hair long, which my husband and I have encouraged. That was until my mother moved in. Mother now says things to her like, "Don't you want short hair like mine?" and, "It's so much easier to take care of when it's short."

Now Rapunzel wants a short haircut, and my husband and I are irate. We let her dress however she wants, but this is where we draw the line. I know hair grows back, but we feel my mother has stepped out of line. Who is in the wrong? -- RAPUNZEL'S MOM

DEAR MOM: Did you discuss your displeasure with your mother the first time she started trying to persuade your daughter to cut her hair? If you did and she persisted, then she is in the wrong.

DEAR ABBY: I recently met a 28-year-old father of three I'm interested in. He seems wonderful. He's a hard worker, takes care of his responsibilities and is an amazing father to his children. They're all still very little, but they're great kids.

The only thing that's been on my mind lately is he has a lot of baggage. Those kids are from three different women. He gets along with all of them very well, to the point that they sometimes do stuff together with the children. They go out to places, or sometimes he invites them over to his place to swim in the pool.

I understand that he has to maintain a healthy relationship with his exes for the sake of the children, but I never thought it would be this "healthy." I have never experienced something like this. I appreciate him being upfront about everything, but I can't stop thinking about it. Am I overreacting? -- THREE'S COMPANY

DEAR THREE'S COMPANY: I don't think so. While I admire the man's devotion to his children -- not to mention his skilled diplomatic ability -- it does appear that he has a problem making a lasting commitment to a woman. Unless you would seriously consider joining this "harem," I urge you to religiously practice contraception. If you would like children in the future, it would be better to approach it with someone who isn't as marriage-phobic as this young man appears to be.

DEAR ABBY: I recently attended a wedding after which the bride chose not to adopt her husband's last name. After the wedding we met them for dinner. When they strolled up to the restaurant to meet us, I happily exclaimed, "Oh, here come Mr. and Mrs. Smith!" after which I was quickly informed that I was wrong because the bride was keeping her maiden name.

Abby, even if a woman goes by her maiden name, is it so wrong to refer to her as "the Mrs."? -- STEPPED IN IT

DEAR STEPPED: Your mistake was an innocent one. Now that you know this couple is sensitive about their individual identities, address them by their names ("Linda" and "Robert") if you wish to maintain a social relationship.

DEAR ABBY: You and your mother have answered many sexual questions in your column over the years. Editors back in the '50s were more prudish about what could be published in family papers. Did your mother have to battle with dragons to print sexual questions from her readers? -- SONNY IN ALABAMA

DEAR SONNY: If she did, she didn't mention it to me. While I agree that editors back then -- and even now -- tend to be conservative, if they disapprove of a letter, they are free not to print it.

DEAR ABBY: My brother is in a long-term relationship. Throughout my teenage years, he raped me every chance he got. The emotional and physical abuse has left my life broken. Should I tell his girlfriend about it? I did confront him about it, but he just denied it. Wouldn't she want to know? -- SURVIVOR IN FLORIDA

DEAR SURVIVOR: Yes, you should tell his girlfriend about it! You should also tell every one of your relatives. Where were your parents when this was going on?

While it may be too late for the police to haul your brother off to prison, you should absolutely talk to a rape crisis counselor about what he did to you. To locate a resource near you, contact R.A.I.N.N. (rainn.org), the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network. It may be able to help you put your life in order. Its toll-free phone number is 800-656-4673.

DEAR ABBY: Would you please remind your readers about proper service dog etiquette? My service dog has given me a new lease on life, but going out in public with him can be a huge source of anxiety. If your readers see a service dog in public, they should remember:

Don't pet the dog, or talk to it, and don't allow children to "rush" the dog. This distracts the service dog from its important job and could put a handler in danger.

Please don't question whether service dogs are or should be "allowed" somewhere. Handlers need to shop, take public transport and go to restaurants just like everyone else.

Do not ask invasive personal questions about the handler's health or abilities. I'm sure you wouldn't want a stranger prying into your own medical history.

And please don't gush about how "lucky" someone is to have a service dog or how you wish you could have your pet with you. Try mentally replacing the word "dog" with "wheelchair" or "oxygen tank" before you speak. Service dogs are not pets. For a lot of people they are lifelines.

Many of us are happy to speak with you about our dogs or answer questions, but please remember we are also people with individual comfort levels and limits, and we just want to enjoy public spaces like everyone else. -- NEW LEASE ON LIFE

DEAR NEW LEASE: Thank you for giving me the chance to remind readers about service dog etiquette. Many of us are animal lovers who have a hard time resisting the impulse to reach out when we see service dogs. It's done with the best of intentions, while forgetting that a dog wearing a vest may be working. I say "may" because, unfortunately, service vests that allow animals to be present in markets and restaurants can be ordered online by people with no disability at all.