DEAR ABBY: I am a Yale-trained pediatric nurse with a post-master's as a psychiatric nurse practitioner. I respectfully ask that you retract your answer to "First-Time Mom in New Jersey" (June 21). I'm concerned your response will encourage other mothers to buy into the incorrect assumption that it's "impolite" to ask questions that ensure their child's safety.

You should have encouraged and empowered "First-Time Mom" to politely ask about the presence of weapons in the other parents' homes, and if so, how they are stored. It's important information for her to have.

If she has every playdate at her house and refuses to go to another home because she's afraid to ask about gun safety, eventually the other mothers will pick up on the fact that she doesn't trust their child-rearing capabilities, but won't know why. If these potential friends don't have unsecured firearms, or if they do and they are properly and safely stored, your advice will prevent healthy, honest friendships from developing, which will socially isolate her.

How will she ever ensure a break for herself by allowing and encouraging her child to socialize at another trusted mother's home she knows to be safe? Your advice will only isolate "First-Time Mom" further and put her and her toddler at great risk. -- COLLEEN M. SULLIVAN, RN, MSN, CPNP

DEAR COLLEEN: Of course you are right. The woman's question wasn't about etiquette. It was about child safety. A large number of readers besides you agreed my perspective was off. I have heard all of you loud and clear, and I apologize.

I should have advised: "You are responsible for your child's welfare. Part of assuring her safety involves asking whether weapons are on the premises and, if so, what safety precautions have been taken. (The same is true for prescription drugs, swimming pools, caustic chemicals and foods to which your child is allergic.) You should also ask if the children will be under parental supervision at all times. If anyone feels concern for your child's safety is presumptuous, do not allow your child to play there. Suggest instead that the children play at your house."

Read on for more perspectives:

DEAR ABBY: I am a pediatrician and a mother. Your advice to "First-Time Mom" about gun safety runs counter to the recommendation of the American Academy of Pediatrics as well as numerous gun violence protection groups.

Research shows that guns are present in one in three homes, and that one in three of those guns is kept loaded and unlocked, posing a risk to children. This is why I routinely recommend that parents inquire about the presence of guns and storage methods at the homes their children visit. I also urge them to discuss with their child the importance of never touching a gun and immediately notifying an adult if they come across a gun or are shown one by another child. -- JESSICA MOWRY, M.D.

DEAR ABBY: Probably the toughest call a cop has is a shooting where one child gets ahold of a loaded, unsecured gun and accidentally kills his sibling in child's play. As an adjunct professor in criminal justice, I ask my students how many of them know someone who was involved in a gun suicide, homicide, assault, accident or other crime. Typically, one-third of the hands go up.

Parents should be able to politely ask whether a gun is in a house where their children regularly play. Sometimes the owners are not as responsible as they should be. -- CHESTER J. KULIS, ILLINOIS

READERS: More on this subject tomorrow. It's important, so stay tuned.

DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old daughter has just graduated from high school. She has now informed me that she's not going on to college, like we had previously discussed, and becomes upset when we try to talk to her. My question is, should we let her make her own decision about this -- and pay for it for the rest of her life -- or continue to push her into some kind of life skill set? -- LIFE SKILLS IN MISSOURI

DEAR LIFE SKILLS: Your daughter may be burned out from studying. Rather than "push" her into doing something she is sure to resent, consider allowing her to take a gap year.

This does not mean it should be spent resting on her laurels or her fanny. She might benefit from getting a job and learning what the real world is like. It would give her time to mature and, after spending a year in a lower-paying job, she may begin to appreciate the wisdom of furthering her education for the financial benefit it brings.

DEAR ABBY: I have had a weight problem all my life. What makes it harder is that I have a sister a year younger who can't gain a pound. She has always been the "hot one" and the center of attention. People she has introduced me to have actually said, "I can't believe you're sisters" instead of "Nice to meet you."

Of course, my sister is married, while I am still single. I hate being around her because I feel like a slug. I'm more physically active than she is, and I eat healthier. I'm not ugly, but I feel that way around her. Do you have any advice on handling this? -- IN HER SHADOW IN MARYLAND

DEAR IN HER SHADOW: For starters, stop comparing yourself to your sister. You are overdue for reviewing your own assets as an individual.

You may not be as "metabolically blessed" as your slender sister, but that doesn't mean you don't have important qualities that she doesn't share. Figure out what those are, "polish" them, and you will discover you are a successful person in your own right.

If you think your not being married is a drawback, it's time you understood that marriage isn't a goal; it is only a beginning. It's a partnership, hopefully a successful one, but it's not a guarantee of success in any area.

DEAR ABBY: My son volunteers teaching classes at a community center and is generous about assisting anyone with anything he is capable of. But when it comes to helping his wife and family, he never has time because he's always helping strangers. I believe his giving should begin at home. How can we get him to see the light? -- DO-GOODER'S MOM

DEAR DO-GOODER'S MOM: While I agree that charity should begin at home, your daughter-in-law should address this with your son, not you. Suggest she begin by asking him why the psychic gratification he receives from helping strangers seems to be greater than what he feels from helping family. His answer should be an interesting jumping-off place for the discussion that ensues. Everybody needs to feel important, and strangers may be more inclined to express their gratitude.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are expecting our first child. A friend of hers pulled me aside to ask if I had already gotten my wife a "push gift." I have never heard of this, but apparently it's supposed to be something nice, like jewelry, to celebrate the birth.

We have already been spending a lot of extra money to decorate a nursery. In addition, the delivery will be costly under our high-deductible health plan. Combined with the fact that my wife just retired from her teaching job, the expenses are starting to freak me out.

In light of this, what do you think of the idea of a push gift? Have you heard any good ideas for a low-cost but appropriate alternative? -- EXCITED FATHER-TO-BE

DEAR EXCITED: A push gift can be a piece of jewelry, your first "family vacation," a piece of electronic equipment for your wife or a piece of furniture for the nursery. Some couples prefer something less materialistic, such as help with baby care or money for the child's education.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 40-year-old man. I have worked at my current job for two years and love it, even though I earn only two-thirds what I did at my prior position.

My problem is, I think I'm in love with my boss. She's an amazing person -- very sexy -- and I can't stop thinking about her. The woman I loved died two weeks before I took this job, and I'm still not ready to date again. Oh, my boss is married, so there's no way I can hook up with her.

How can I stop having feelings for my boss? Should I just quit? I attempted to a month ago, but she gave me a raise. -- CRUSHING IN MINNESOTA

DEAR CRUSHING: If you are crushing on your boss and fantasizing because you think she's "amazing and sexy," I beg to differ with you. You are ready to date.

You say last month you were given a raise when you mentioned quitting. It appears you are a valued employee at that company. Before you jeopardize a job you love and for which you are being increasingly well-compensated, I urge you to dip your foot into the dating pool of eligible women. Now!

DEAR ABBY: A friend of more than 70 years passed away out of state. When I emailed a network of acquaintances and asked about the cause of death, I got a nasty response from one of them saying my question was rude and in poor taste. Is such a question about a friend you haven't seen in many years really out of line? -- EX-KENTUCKIAN

DEAR EX-KENTUCKIAN: People are naturally curious, and no, the question isn't rude. Often people are aware that the deceased has been ailing and don't mind sharing the information. What would be in poor taste would be to ask members of the immediate family (his widow or children, for example) what killed their loved one, because discussing it in detail could be painful.