DEAR ABBY: I retired after a 40-year career. A friend from work, "Bernie," is the same age I am (62) but is still working.

Six years ago, I had a serious health crisis. Three years ago, Bernie survived a heart attack. Since then, Bernie worries incessantly about dying. He exercises rigorously and eats a strictly vegan diet. I like to spend time with him, but I'm more casual about diet and exercise.

Neither of us is going to be a GQ model, regardless of how much we diet or exercise. I say life should be enjoyed, but Bernie is too busy obsessing, compulsively taking medicine and working out.

Today he invited me out to supper. Instead of going to a restaurant, he said he was cooking another of his (not-too-tasty) vegan meals. I don't want to offend or discourage Bernie, but I hate his cooking. What should I do? Would a steak and a baked potato kill him? -- PAUNCHY BUT HAPPY IN KENTUCKY

DEAR PAUNCHY: Because you enjoy Bernie's company, call him and tell him you would love to come to supper, but because you are a carnivore you will be bringing your own steak and potato with you, so fire up the broiler.

DEAR ABBY: My mother died from a heroin overdose when I was 8. As a mother with children of my own, I often find myself getting upset when people say nice things about her -- things that would normally make people feel good, such as, "Oh, she would have been so proud of you," or, "She was such a great woman." I feel that if she was such a great woman, she wouldn't have chosen drugs over her (or our) well-being. How can I let go of the anger I feel toward her when everyone else sees her only in a good light? -- MIXED FEELINGS ABOUT MOM

DEAR MIXED FEELINGS: I'm sorry for the loss of your mother at such a tender age and under such tragic circumstances. Far more is understood about drug addiction today than was known when you were a child. We now know that addiction can be less about a lack of character than a medical problem.

I seriously doubt that when your mother gave herself her final fix she realized it would be her last. While I sympathize with your anger at being cheated out of her presence in your life, it would be better for your own quality of life if you could accept that she was a human being and fallible. A licensed mental health professional can help you work through your anger, and I hope you will talk to one soon.

DEAR ABBY: We host many gatherings in our home during the year, including picnics. We have a downstairs bathroom that is intended for guests. But twice now, I have encountered guests using my upstairs bathroom. I have never offered it, and I'm offended that they take it upon themselves to go uninvited into private territory. I would never do that in someone else's house. Am I wrong, or are they overstepping the boundaries here? -- WONDERING IN THE EAST

DEAR WONDERING: To use your upstairs bathroom without asking your permission is overstepping. The exception might be if the downstairs bathroom was in use, and the need to get into one was urgent.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Ralph," and I have been married for 30 years. He recently started receiving sexually oriented texts from a male co-worker I'll call Mike. What Ralph once read aloud to me saying, "He's such a goof. Listen to this!" has now become covert reading for him.

Ralph and I have no secrets. Our phones are accessible to each other, so sometimes if his phone is lying around, I'll see things such as "Sitting on the deck with just a towel on the bits and pieces. Nice breeze!" with heart eye emojis. They are later deleted.

I have asked Ralph point-blank if he has feelings for Mike, which he denies. But he won't ask him to stop, either. Ralph knows this worries me and has me questioning our relationship. I'm tempted to contact Mike myself, but I'm not sure if that's the best way to proceed. Thoughts? -- BAFFLED IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR BAFFLED: Your husband may not have feelings for this co-worker, but his co-worker appears to have some for him. Either way, Mike's behavior is unusual. While I don't think you should contact him, this is something you should revisit with your husband because you find it threatening.

DEAR ABBY: A man came to my home today to fix a tech problem and proceeded to hit on me. Abby, he was at least 10 years older than me (I'm 23), and it was so unprofessional. I was home alone, and being faced with that situation caused me to turn red. He then commented on my blushing, and I just sat there saying nothing.

I am berating myself for not speaking up, and I'm disgusted that he assumed I was blushing because I liked the attention when it was the opposite! At the same time, I am fearful of a man reacting aggressively if I were to say something.

I was hoping you could tell me what to say or do in order to better handle these situations in the future. I want to be more vocal; I just don't know how to be. -- BLUSHING IN TEXAS

DEAR BLUSHING: Whether you were red with embarrassment or pale with anger is irrelevant. You should report him to his employer to make sure he will never come to your home again.

A way to protect yourself in the future might be to arrange to have someone else present under those circumstances. If someone behaves inappropriately during a service call to your home, you are within your rights to tell the person you want him to leave immediately, and that is what you should have done.

DEAR ABBY: I recently went to the movies with a couple of friends. At the concession stand, I bought popcorn. They did not. However, as we sat down, they eyed my popcorn as I was munching. I didn't offer them any. I figured they could have bought their own if they wanted some. Should I have? It's been bothering me ever since. Was I selfish? -- MATINEE MUNCHER

DEAR MUNCHER: The polite thing to do would have been to offer them some of your popcorn. As to whether not doing so was selfish, the answer is: "Mmmmhmmmm." (I'd say it more clearly, but my mouth is full.)

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I just moved in together. We have been a couple for seven years. Until now, we have lived with our parents.

I knew moving in would be a struggle for him because he's very close to his four siblings. Now that we've moved in, he calls and video chats with them every day, visits twice a week or more and has sleepovers. He also leaves work early to take his siblings on field trips or attend their sports events.

I'm finding it very frustrating being alone all the time. I have talked to him and expressed my feelings about the amount of time he spends with his family. In my opinion, it's excessive, especially since neither of his parents works.

He asked me to give him time to adjust, but it has already been a month. This is the man I want to marry one day, but I can't help but feel like I'm never put first. Please help! -- CONFOUNDED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFOUNDED: You and your boyfriend have been living together a grand total of one month. This is a period of adjustment for both of you. It's unrealistic to expect your boyfriend -- who appears to be tightly bound to his parents and siblings -- to instantly focus all his attention on you.

My advice, and I hope you will heed it, is to devote time to your own interests and activities so you won't be so dependent on him. Give it six months. If things haven't resolved in that amount of time, write me again.

DEAR ABBY: I am single, 33, and have two kids. I have dipped my toe in the dating pool without success. I am not lonely, but I find myself wanting a relationship.

When I tried dating websites, I got a mixed bag of colorful characters. When I do find someone I'm interested in, it fizzles out quickly.

We start out by messaging on the site, then we text each other. The problem I am having is that these men don't ask "get to know you questions" or keep up a conversation at all. If I don't text first or keep the conversation going, there's no communication at all. All of them state they want a relationship, but they don't put forth the effort. I'm not sure what the problem is.

Every time this happens, I forget about dating for a while, but it happens again and again. Have any sage advice for me? -- LOOKING IN NEBRASKA

DEAR LOOKING: You say you are messaging back and forth. After a few days of conversation, have you suggested getting together for a coffee date? It might provide an opportunity to find out more about these men. If you have done that and encountered resistance, it might suggest you are coming on too strong or they aren't quite as ready as they have advertised.

Because there is so much distraction and so much choice in online dating, perhaps you should consider meeting men the old-fashioned way -- through friends, relatives or social groups. Meeting someone special when one least expects it has been known to happen.