DEAR ABBY: I'm in my 60s, fit, sexually able and I desire physical relations. My wife, because of health issues, is no longer interested in sex. In fact, it would be at least mildly painful to her.

I recently met a lady my age who is in the same predicament. She has a sexual appetite; her husband does not. She hinted she would be interested in being "friends with benefits." I didn't pursue the hint because it caught me by surprise and I wasn't quick-witted enough to follow up on it at the time.

I am wondering if such a relationship is acceptable with today's mores and the circumstances. No, I won't discuss this with my wife. It would only hurt her feelings and strain our relationship. Should I pursue the hint? -- FOLLOW UP ON THE HINT

DEAR FOLLOW UP: I would not advise pursuing the "hint" -- which appears to me to be more of a full frontal assault -- without thinking very carefully. The problem with adulterous relationships is that more often than not, the spouse catches on. If you think that by not talking this out with your wife you will be sparing her feelings, you are wrong. When, not if, she finds out, she will be devastated.

As women age their bodies change, and sex can become painful. But that can be remediated in many cases with prescription and other medications. It's possible they could help your wife. Of course, that's not going to happen unless she talks with her OB/GYN about the problem. And that won't happen unless you talk to her.

DEAR ABBY: I was unhappily married years ago and conceived a child by an ex-boyfriend. My son is now 31. I divorced my husband 28 years ago. He knew the baby was not his, but claimed him as his own son. He refused to do a DNA test when we were going through the divorce. He died a few years ago.

I am in contact with my son's biological father. They look identical, and my grandson looks just like his father and grandfather.

My guilt is consuming me. I want to tell my son that even though the dad he knew all his life is gone, he still has a chance to get to know another father who is his blood. On the other hand, I don't want to ruin my relationship with my son and grandchildren, whom I love very much. How can I tell the truth without hurting my son and our relationship? -- RIGHTING A WRONG

DEAR RIGHTING: Better late than never. Your son needs to know that the man who raised him and claimed him as his own was not his biological father so that he can have a complete medical history. If the birth father wasn't interested in knowing or supporting his son, he sounds more like a sperm donor than a "blood" relative to me. Do not be surprised if your son isn't interested in knowing more about his birth father than the information I suggested.

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorced and remarried man with two teenage daughters. My ex-wife has custody of my girls one state away. I see them as often as time and the courts allow -- two months during the summer, a week during winter break, rotating Thanksgivings, etc.

Both of my daughters are failing miserably in school, but I am most concerned about my younger daughter. She is 13 and is rebelling badly. I recently spoke with the principal at her school and was told she puts forth zero effort. She arrives at school unclean, and fellow students have complained about the way she smells.

She blames her actions on my absence. This devastates me. I have always tried my best to make her understand that she was not any part of the reason her mother and I divorced. I try to call her often.

My biggest problem is I'm not good at casual conversation and idle chitchat. Generally when we talk, we end up sitting in silence until one of us says, "Well, I gotta go." My question is, how do I get better at talking to my baby girl so I can let her know how important she is to me? -- "GOTTA GO" IN FLORIDA

DEAR GOTTA GO: Living one state away, you can't force your child to shower and make sure she is clean and dressed in fresh clothes before she goes to school -- but her mother can and should. Shame on her for allowing it, because the girl will become a social pariah, if it hasn't happened already. If her poor grades and hygiene are caused by depression, she should be seeing a counselor.

Those phone calls might become easier if you take a few minutes and make a list of topics you think she's interested in, as well as questions to draw her out, before picking up the phone. Ask her what she thinks about something or how she feels about things rather than yes or no questions. Tell her you are thinking about her and that you love her every time you call, because that's really the most important message you are trying to convey, and the one she needs the most to hear.

DEAR ABBY: I am a first-time uncle of a 4-month-old nephew. My brother and sister-in-law are extremely close with my wife and me. We see them three or four times a week, and we are very fond of our nephew. I love being an uncle, and my wife loves being an aunt.

My sister-in-law grew up calling all her parents' friends "Aunt Sally," "Aunt Jenna" and so on. Naturally, she plans to have my nephew call her friends "aunt" and "uncle" as well. I feel that being an aunt or uncle is much more than just a title. We are family; we are blood. I'm a bit put off when I hear my sister-in-law say, "Here's Uncle John," when they see "John" only a couple of times a year. He's not an uncle to my nephew! Should I be offended, or is it just a title like saying "Mr."? -- REAL UNCLE IN MARYLAND

DEAR REAL UNCLE: Simmer down. Your SIL is using the term as an honorary title. As you stated, she does this because it's the way she was raised. In no way does it diminish either your emotional or blood tie with your nephew.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Kevin," and I have been together for five years and have a 4-year-old son we are crazy about. For the past six months, I have been begging Kevin to have another child. Some days he's all for it, but then he changes his mind and starts asking me to give him a good reason why we should. No matter what I say, he always says I want another child "just to have another." What can I tell him to make him change his mind? -- SUFFERING WITH BABY FEVER

DEAR SUFFERING: A reason that occurs to me would be that you do not want your little boy to grow up as an only child.

However, your boyfriend may prefer not to enlarge your family because he doesn't want to be financially responsible for more than one child. Instead of trying to sell him on the idea, perhaps you should ask him to give you some good reasons why he's not as enthusiastic as you are about it. The answer may be that he's not as fully committed to your relationship as you are.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, "Missy," who is "nose blind" when it comes to her pets. She has three enormous dogs who have the run of her house and car.

The first time we carpooled together, the smell in her car was repulsive. The passenger side was filthy, stained and full of dog hair. I don't have pets, so I suspect I may be a little more sensitive than the average person. But not wanting to hurt her feelings, I bit my tongue and got through the ride as best I could.

Lately, I have been driving us to the events we attend together, and I really don't mind doing so. In fact, I prefer it. But she has started asking me why and insists that she'll drive next time. What do I tell her without hurting her feelings? -- DOGGED IN COLORADO

DEAR DOGGED: Tell your friend the truth -- that although she is used to the dogs' odor and the hair they shed, you would rather drive than have to deal with it.

DEAR ABBY: We bought a vacation home last year and spent a lot of money remodeling it. The problem is, lots of our friends and relatives constantly ask us to use it. The upkeep costs us $400 per month (which goes up when someone uses it). We have never charged anyone to stay there.

We are getting tired of footing the bill for other people's vacations. We wouldn't mind so much if they would offer a little money to offset the extra expenses. Is there a way we can politely ask for it? We are not wealthy, and this was a dream of ours. Thanks for your advice. -- OUR DREAM IN TENNESSEE

DEAR DREAM: Yes, there's a way. The next time someone asks to use your vacation home say, "We'd love to let you do it, but the place costs $400 a month in upkeep, and the expenses go up if someone is staying there. How about splitting the cost with us?" You should not be expected to pay for these people's vacations, and what you are asking is more than fair.