DEAR ABBY: The winter months are hard for me. They remind me that another year has gone by without my father and my younger sister.

Dad had been a smoker since his teens and died from pancreatic cancer at 39. I was 13, and my siblings were younger. In those days, we didn't know that smoking was a risk factor for pancreatic cancer.

My sister smoked from the time she was 13. She died from lung cancer at 44, leaving behind two young sons.

Neither my father nor my sister got to experience the wonderful family milestones and celebrations we have had. Their grandchildren will never know them. Each year during the holidays, I feel a sadness in my heart.

I urge every smoker to make a vow to quit and carry it through, not only for their own sake but also their family's. Stay determined to quit so you won't cause your loved ones sadness and won't miss out on their futures. With all my heart, I wish smokers the best of luck in quitting. -- MISSING DAD AND SIS IN SACRAMENTO

DEAR MISSING: I'm glad you wrote because the American Cancer Society's annual Great American Smokeout will be held on Nov. 16. It's a day when millions of smokers put down their cigarettes -- just for one day -- with the conviction that if they can go 24 hours without one, then they can do it for 48 hours, 72 hours, and stop smoking for good. The idea grew out of a 1970 event in Randolph, Massachusetts, and became a national event in 1977.

Readers, I'm not going to harangue you with death threats. We are all aware of the grim statistics associated with cancer-related deaths caused by tobacco. If you're interested in quitting, this is a perfect opportunity. Call (800) 227-2345 to be connected with counseling services in your community, provided with self-help materials offering information and strategies on quitting for good, and to receive information about medications available to help you quit. This service is free and provided 24/7. Or go online to cancer.org.

DEAR ABBY: I need your help. Over the past few weeks, I have been vacationing at my mother-in-law's home. The other day I was browsing on her computer and accidentally opened her browsing history. It turns out that she regularly looks at and responds to Craigslist personals.

I was shocked when I read some of the perverted requests she has responded to. The language she used would make a sailor blush. Keep in mind, my mother-in-law is a married woman.

I don't know how to react. Should I tell my wife? Keep it to myself? Make a fake Craigslist post and catch her in the act? -- KINKS IN THE FAMILY

DEAR KINKS: If you disclose this to your wife, it could damage her relationship with her mother. If she tells her mother what you found, it will create a breach in the family. If you trap the woman by creating a fake Craigslist post and she realizes she has been made a fool of, it will not -- to put it mildly -- endear you to her. Let it lie.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 17-year-old girl and a junior in high school. I have a crush on a guy who's 14 and a freshman. I know age gaps don't matter as much later on, but the difference between 17 and 14 can be drastic. "Jake" is really sweet, and he's as interested in me as I am in him (unlike the boys in my grade).

I'm friends with Jake's sister "Julie," who's a year older than me and a senior. Julie has made it clear she doesn't like the idea of a romantic relationship between Jake and me because Jake is only 14.

What can I do? Should I ignore this crush? I have judged people who have dated despite age gaps. (For example, a senior boy dating a sophomore girl.) But now I understand it. If the girl is older, does that complicate things?

I don't want to be seen as creepy or gross, but, to be honest, I'm not that experienced romantically or socially myself. (I have never even been to a real party.) Must I forget my feelings and move on, or do I talk to Julie and try to pursue this? -- TEEN CRUSH

DEAR TEEN CRUSH: Julie has already given you her answer. As you have pointed out, there is a bias against dating someone so much younger, and it could cause you problems not only with your peers, but also with the law if your relationship were to become sexual when you turn 18. That's why I'm suggesting you turn your romantic interests elsewhere. When you're both adults, if you're still interested, you can pursue a romantic relationship then.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I are being married in a few days. We are expecting our first child a few days after that. The problem is my mother. We decided on a small ceremony, but my mother is opposed to the marriage because she doesn't like the idea of me marrying -- not just my fiance, but anyone. She has always told me a man will leave me destitute, pregnant with too many kids, and I won't be able to take care of myself. She has repeated it since I was about 10.

Because she has threatened to object at the ceremony, we decided not to invite her. We have invited his parents and my father and stepmother. Mom has said she will not allow my child to see her grandfather because "he is a bad person." She may have good intentions, but dictating who can be around my child is not her choice, considering she has had little to no contact with him in 25 years.

I wish she could be at our wedding, but she has now distanced herself from me and my fiance. Should I let her cool off and hope she comes around, or accept that this is the path she has chosen? Please advise, Abby. -- PROBLEM MOTHER IN KENTUCKY

DEAR PROBLEM MOTHER: Your mother may be anti-marriage because hers failed spectacularly. She appears to be a troubled woman. By all means, let her cool off, but do not allow her to dictate your life. If she does, her anger and bitterness could negatively affect your marriage.

DEAR VETERANS: For your service to our nation, I salute you. My thanks to each of you, as well as to the brave men and women still on active duty, some of whom are in harm's way. You are the personification of patriotism and self-sacrifice for your dedication to our country. I would also like to recognize your families for the sacrifices they, too, have made. -- Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I missed the funeral of a long-time family friend, "Tom," because I foolishly relied on one of my relatives to let me know when the service was and she didn't. I had to go out of town two days after Tom died, but I should have called someone before I left so I could revise my travel plans. I was so sure my family would let me know.

Out of embarrassment, I compounded the mistake by not contacting Tom's sister when I returned two days later and realized I had missed everything. When I finally spoke with her, she was furious with me, for which I don't blame her. When I tried to explain, she misconstrued everything I tried to say and accused me of "just making excuses." She went on and on for so long I was shocked by how upset she was.

I'm not an important person to Tom's family even though he was special to me, so I'm not sure why she's so upset with me. I don't know what to do because the more I try to communicate, the more irrational she gets.

I'm mourning Tom, who was like an uncle to me, and I want to make it up to his family. He had been sick for a long time, so his death wasn't a surprise. I see some of his relatives quite often and I don't know how to approach them when I see them next. Any ideas? -- ANGUISHED IN NEW YORK

DEAR ANGUISHED: Attendance at funerals is not compulsory. Your reason for missing Tom's funeral was legitimate. Many people skip funerals because they prefer to remember the deceased as they were instead of in a coffin. Tom's sister is grieving for her brother and taking her pain out on you. What she said was out of line and you do not have to apologize further.

When you see the other family members, extend your condolences, tell them you were out of town at the time of his funeral and that you are sorry you were unable to be there to support them. Period.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 17 years has been cheating on me and is continuing to cheat. His older sister also cheated on her husband for many years with multiple men, so cheating must run in their DNA.

Because of our unhappy marriages, my brother-in-law and I began talking, sharing our pain and regret about marrying the wrong people. Because of our conversations we became friends and soulmates. We both have deep wounds no one else understands. Ultimately, we became physically attracted to each other.

Is it wrong that we are falling in love? Both of us want to be legitimately together, but at the same time we are afraid family around us will reject us. -- CHEATING FAMILY

DEAR CHEATING FAMILY: Why would the family around you reject you? What has happened is understandable. Surely the family is aware that both your spouses have cheated for years. I would, however, caution that it would be better for you two to avoid acting on your physical attraction until after you have both filed for divorce -- not only to protect each other's reputations but also because cheating does not run in your DNA.