DEAR ABBY: My husband, to whom I've been married since July of 2016, has recently caved in to pressure from friends to participate in "swinger" behavior. He wants me to be included, but I really don't want to.

The other female has lesbian tendencies that make me uncomfortable. Her boyfriend is juggling two partners at once, alternating nights for each one. My husband has told him he can do whatever he wants in front of us, which I find awkward and embarrassing.

I don't want to be a spoilsport, but I feel he is being unfair to me. How do I put the genie back in the bottle without ruining my marriage and friendships? We've lived together since 2005, and the pressure is getting worse now that we're married. -- NOT TO SWING IN THE USA

DEAR NOT TO SWING: If your vision of marriage is a union between two people only, then the man you married is not someone with whom you should spend a lifetime. Do not allow yourself to be coerced into anything you are not comfortable with, and that includes threesomes. Much as you might wish it, you are not going to change your husband, which is why it may be time for you to revisit this subject with him and the help of a licensed marriage and family therapist.

DEAR ABBY: I dated a longtime friend, "Austin," for about four months. He had a history of drug use, but had been sober for about four years before he stopped attending meetings.

I have two children from my previous marriage. He knew when we started dating that if he relapsed, the relationship was over. He did, so I ended it then and there. Austin begged me for a second chance and for my help.

I have known his family for as long as I've known him, which is 20 years. He swore up and down to me that he wouldn't relapse again, but he did and died from an overdose. Austin's family blames me for his death because I didn't answer his calls or messages. How can I explain to them there was nothing I could do? -- FAULT ISN'T MINE

DEAR FAULT: You were under no ethical or moral obligation to answer Austin's texts or messages after his relapses. Save yourself the frustration of trying to point out the truth to his family. Austin's relatives are in pain right now, and in denial as well. They are blaming you rather than their son because the truth -- that Austin was responsible for his own actions and his own death -- may be too hard for them to face.

DEAR ABBY: I am a retired lady who often eats alone in restaurants. When I arrive, the host or hostess usually greets me and asks, "How many?" When I reply, "One," the invariable response is, "Just one?" I find the question demeaning and rude.

I have responded with things like "Isn't one enough?" or, "If you prefer groups, I can go elsewhere." I have even mentioned to managers that it would be more appropriate if they trained their hosts not to say "just." Can you offer a better response I can give? -- PARTY OF ONE

DEAR PARTY OF ONE: I think you are handling the situation as well as it can be handled. Sometimes people don't stop to consider the implications of what they are saying. It's impolite for a host to ask, "Just one?" because in some cases the reply could be depressing and cloud the dining experience.

DEAR ABBY: I have grown children. All of them are underachievers. When contemporaries talk about their children getting jobs, getting married, having kids, going on vacation, buying a house/car, adopting a pet, I have nothing to contribute.

My children do not have lives; they work low-paying jobs and scrape by. Worse, they have no ambition to do better. They no longer live with me, but often gather at each other's places to play video games when they are not working. They are not enjoyable to be around.

My life is otherwise good, and I don't want them bringing me down. My marriage is solid, I work hard, we travel a few times a year and enjoy dining out and meeting with friends. We go to sporting events, live plays, concerts, movies, etc. What is a mother to do? -- LET DOWN IN MISSOURI

DEAR LET DOWN: Your children are adults. If they were motivated, they would be doing more with their lives than playing video games and scraping by. Be glad they are independent and have good relationships with each other -- it's a plus -- and continue living your life. You can't live theirs for them. And please stop comparing them to the offspring of your friends and acquaintances. If you do, you will be happier.

DEAR ABBY: I have dear friends and neighbors I really enjoy who have asked me to water their plants and feed the cat when they're away, which is not very often. I enjoy doing these things, and so I always feel awkward when they bring home gifts of jewelry or give me money. I would prefer that they let me do these things for love and friendship, but I don't know how to make them stop giving me things.

Is there something polite I can say to let them know that they should just let me be their friend? I would prefer that to feeling as though I'm being paid for my services. -- FOR LOVE AND FRIENDSHIP

DEAR FOR LOVE: Has it occurred to you that your neighbors bring things back for you because they enjoy giving as much as you enjoy doing things for them? If it hasn't, please consider it.

And afterward, if you still feel that their gifts are too much of a quid pro quo, explain that you like them very much and value their friendship, and they don't need to give you anything in return for the affection you feel for them. I don't think couching the message in those terms would be rude at all.

DEAR ABBY: Why do people stay in bad marriages? It causes emotional harm to the children (if they have kids), hearing their parents argue and name-call all the time. Wouldn't it be better to separate? -- UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

DEAR UNHEALTHY: Some couples remain in bad marriages because they can't afford to live apart or fear being alone if they divorce. Others have dysfunctional love-hate relationships that, I agree, are unhealthy for everyone, including the children who grow up thinking it is normal. In my opinion, if couples can't live in peace and harmony, they should separate. However, not everyone agrees.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing to you about an experience I had that might be useful to girls my age and older. I'm in eighth grade and I'm friends with more boys than girls. Because I'm a tomboy, fitting in with them is easier.

Today in manufacturing class, I was hanging out with my friend "Ian." We were in a larger group of boys and he started bragging about how this girl had sent him a topless photo. He then proceeded to pull up the photo and pass it around.

I was a little shocked, but I realize people my age don't always make smart decisions (sharing a nude photo). Adults around us always tell us not to send photos to people you don't know and never to send inappropriate pictures. That lesson sure hit home with me when Ian showed around the one he has.

I want to caution other girls not to do this. Pictures don't stay as private as you might think. I feel bad for that poor girl! -- SAW TOO MUCH IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SAW TOO MUCH: Thanks for a great letter. Nobody likes to be lectured to, and adults already do enough of that. I hope your message will resonate with other young women because it's an important one.

DEAR ABBY: I have a question about etiquette. I recently encountered a counselor I had gone to for many years. We exchanged the normal social amenities, and nothing was said about any therapy issues.

Abby, she holds a special place in my heart. I hadn't seen her in five years. She didn't look well at all. In fact, she looked awful. I was shocked.

Although I was concerned, I said nothing because I didn't know the correct way to handle the situation. What can I say to her to let her know I care? -- APPROACHING IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR APPROACHING: Drop your former therapist a note, telling her what a difference she has made in your life and that she will always hold a special place in your heart. Explain that you were concerned when you saw her -- and ask if there is any way you can be helpful, because you would very much like to be. Do not go into detail about how awful she looked, and don't expect her to start a social relationship with you. If she's well enough to practice her profession, doing so might be considered unethical.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's older brother comes over every few weeks to do his laundry. While he's here, he helps himself to my snacks. My husband's younger cousin also comes over every now and then to do his laundry and eat (at our expense or my labor).

We are better off financially than both of them, but I think the way they mooch off us is inconsiderate. My husband says it's normal and that's how family is. But we don't do that in my family, nor do we arrive anywhere empty-handed. Are his family using us, or is this normal? -- TIRED OF IT

DEAR TIRED: It's normal for your husband's family. Make an attempt to schedule these clothes-washing sessions at your convenience, and stash your snacks someplace you know the relatives won't find them.