DEAR ABBY: Our daughter, "Joan," and her husband, "Frank," have been married 19 years. Their only child will be 4 next month. A year and a half ago, Frank came out as a transgender female. Joan is handling this exceptionally well. Our son, "Alex," is not.

Our family will never have the traditional holidays again because Alex doesn't want his daughters, ages 13 and 10, around Frank. We are heartbroken, worried for our children and confused about how to handle this new family dynamic. Joan plans on remaining in her marriage. Frank is legally changing his name to "Anissa," taking hormones and excited to live her "real life."

In the meantime, we feel like outsiders looking in. These individuals, all in their 40s, are able to do what they want with their lives -- yet they're our children. We have enjoyed so many years of what we thought was a normal life. The thought of never having our family all together in our home again is upsetting. I suppose this scenario happens often, but how do you suggest we cope? -- OUT OF SORTS IN WASHINGTON

DEAR OUT OF SORTS: Cope by taking it day by day and making adjustments as necessary. You are not on the outside looking in. You are full-fledged participants in this scenario.

Your new daughter-in-law is the same person she has always been. She's not a danger to anyone's daughters. If your son can't accept that, there is nothing you can do about it. Let him know he is always welcome -- as is Anissa -- at family celebrations. If he can't bring himself to attend, see him and the girls separately.

If I have learned one thing in my lifetime, it is to take each day as it comes and make the most of it. Do not look back, pining for days gone by, and do not obsess about things you can't control. Think positive and you will get through this.

DEAR ABBY: Our neighbor has been hospitalized for six months because of a serious accident that left him paralyzed. His wife has been staying in the city near the hospital so she can be with him. My husband and I have been keeping an eye on their house and, at their request, moving their truck in the driveway so it appears someone is home.

The husband returned home a few weeks ago. We received a thank-you card from his wife. Inside was $50 in gift cards. We appreciate the thought behind the gift, but would like to return the gift cards. We helped them out with no expectation of anything in return. How do we go about returning them without offending our neighbors? -- GOOD DEED NEIGHBORS

DEAR NEIGHBORS: I don't think you should return them. To not accept them in the spirit in which they were given would be doing the couple a disservice. Sometimes the burden of gratitude weighs heavy. This is your neighbors' way of showing you how much your efforts meant to them, so accept the gesture graciously.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 64-year-old woman, divorced for 27 years. A nice guy I'll call "Ronnie" has taken me out to lunch and dinner several times. He really likes me and I really like him, but I'm skeptical about getting into a serious relationship because I don't feel like doing a lot of the "wife duties" anymore, such as cooking.

I know this may sound terrible, but I don't cook. My kitchen stays clean, and all I have to do is sweep the floor. Ronnie hasn't said anything about my not wanting to cook, but I don't want it to come up later as a problem. What should I do? -- OUT OF THE KITCHEN

DEAR OUT: Healthy relationships are based on honest communication. Talk to Ronnie about your concerns. You may be pleasantly surprised to find that he likes to cook and would be willing to do it. Some men enjoy it so much it's hard to pull them away, especially from a barbecue grill. Cross your fingers, speak up and hope Ronnie is one of them.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been happily married for seven years. He recently graduated from his final residency, and after 11 years of post-high school education, he is finally out practicing.

During all those years, I supported us financially. Once he graduated, I asked that eventually I get a nice piece of jewelry to commemorate our accomplishment (and his nice new salary).

He bought me a lovely pearl ring, but it isn't real. It doesn't have natural diamonds, and it isn't white gold. To me, it doesn't commemorate the accomplishment as much as a real one. We could have afforded a nice costume ring years ago. I wanted to be spoiled a bit. Am I allowed to say something, or should I "appreciate the thought"? -- SPOIL ME, PLEASE, IN OHIO

DEAR SPOIL: Your husband, the doctor, may be a jewel, but after supporting him for 11 years, you deserve better than what you were given. Explain to him that when you asked for "a nice piece of jewelry," you meant the real thing and not a costume piece. Then suggest the two of you go shopping for it together.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for 16 years. His brother died suddenly, and he was devastated. We dropped everything and drove 1,000 miles to attend the funeral. When we arrived and went to be seated, he asked me to sit four rows back because the front row was "immediate family only." I felt I was immediate family, but didn't want to cause a scene, so I did as he asked. When I sat down, I received odd looks and sad looks. I'm not angry, but my feelings are hurt. Am I wrong? -- LEFT OUT IN THE EAST

DEAR LEFT OUT: If the spouses of your husband's other siblings -- and children, if there are any -- were also asked to sit elsewhere, then you should not feel hurt. However, if you were the only one told to sit in "Siberia," your feelings are justified.

DEAR ABBY: My younger sister is planning a destination wedding this summer. Recently she had a courthouse wedding for health insurance purposes because she's going back to school full-time.

I am the matron of honor and she also has a maid of honor (which I am confused about; can you have both?). She is still planning her destination wedding because she won't consider herself "really married" until the formal ceremony. Save-the-date notices were already sent.

I told her I didn't feel comfortable throwing a bachelorette party since she's already married. She was fine with it, and mentioned the maid of honor may have a bonfire with their friends.

I thought a lingerie bridal shower would be nice since they have been living together for some time and don't need household items. Is a bridal shower appropriate after a wedding? I feel it should be lightheartedly disclosed on the bridal shower invitation that they are already married. Is this OK? -- JESSICA, MATRON OF HONOR

DEAR JESSICA: If you wish to throw a lingerie shower, I think it would be sweet, although showers are technically not supposed to be hosted by family members. Her friends would probably enjoy it. But to disclose on the invitation that your sister is already married -- lightheartedly or not -- would be in poor taste.

DEAR ABBY: I have never had a good relationship with my father. He was extremely abusive and controlling when I was growing up. Regardless, I have tried to maintain a relationship with him -- albeit a superficial one -- now that I'm an adult.

For the past few years, Dad has been seeing a woman my age. I have tried my best to maintain a relationship with her as well. The problem is, they are extremely touchy-feely when they're together, and it makes me very uncomfortable. For example, they're always rubbing each other, hanging on each other, or she sits on his lap when we're out for drinks.

I tried to talk to my father about it. He became extremely angry when I asked if they could keep it to a minimum around me. Moreover, they recently let it slip that they started dating before she was 18. I don't feel comfortable with their relationship at all. Am I wrong to feel this way? -- UNCOMFORTABLE IN THE WEST

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: I don't think so. Your feelings are your feelings, and you are entitled to them. Because being around your father and this young lady makes you uncomfortable, consider seeing him one-on-one, apart from her, if he can manage to separate from her for a half-hour or an hour.