DEAR ABBY: My brother-in-law died a month ago and was cremated by the local affiliate of a prominent funeral home. To make it easier for my sister, I accompanied her to the mortuary to pick up her husband's remains. I walked in alone, and as I returned to the car with his urn, a young funeral home employee in a black suit and scuffed shoes followed me. Through the window of the car, he presented my sister an artificial red rose and said, "We're sorry for your loss."

My sister and I were appalled by the insincerity of this gesture, and I called and told the funeral home director that the sentiments were as phony as the rose. He said, "I thought it was a great idea," and couldn't understand our reaction. Were we wrong? -- RESENTING PHONY SENTIMENTS

DEAR RESENTING: Yes, you were. When people are grieving, emotions are sometimes raw, so I'm not going to scold you. However, your response to the young man was ungracious. All that needed to be said was, "No, thank you."

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law keeps buying us decorator items that don't have a place in our home. While I appreciate the effort and the thought, I have no more closet space in which to store them. I was taught to accept gifts and express gratitude, even if you don't like them.

My mother-in-law is coming to visit in a few weeks, and my husband insists we should display the items she's purchased for us. This would entail putting holes in my walls, as she tends to get us items that need to be hung. I don't think we should have to go through this charade just to appease her. It will only encourage her to buy us more things. What should I do? -- NO MORE CLOSET GIFTS

DEAR N.M.C.G.: It won't destroy your home to display one (or two) of the items your MIL has given you while she's visiting. But while she's there, make sure she opens the closet where you have stored all the other items she has sent "because she's such a generous doll you can't possibly use them all." When she leaves, sell the gifts or donate them, then pray she takes the hint.

DEAR ABBY: I need your advice. I'm in love with a wonderful man. He says he likes and respects me but does not love me. I desperately want his love, but have agreed to be friends with benefits in the hope that in the future he may come to love me. Should I continue with this, and is there a future for me? -- HOPEFUL IN TELANGANA, INDIA

DEAR HOPEFUL: For many people, liking and respecting someone would make the person a candidate for marriage. The bad news is, the man you care so much about is not one of them. The good news is, there are many eligible, emotionally available men who might value what you have to offer. Time is precious. If you want your future to be a happy one, be glad your friend with benefits has been honest with you, cut your losses and look elsewhere for love.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are both active duty military. We have been married for three years and have an 18-month-old daughter together. My husband is sweet, handsome and a great father. We got married very quickly, and I think that's where our problems began.

He isn't good at communication or showing affection, which leaves me feeling lonely. This, on top of being separated several times due to the military, makes for a very shaky marriage. I have cheated on him with eight different people since our wedding. The affair I am most ashamed of was when I was pregnant with our daughter.

I'm currently in counseling, but I'm still unable to curb my cravings. He always forgives me and allows us to continue being married. The problem is, I don't know if he's really the one for me. I know cheating is wrong and that I'm not only hurting him, but my daughter as well.

Should we divorce? Or should we continue trying to be together? We have talked about marriage counseling, but we are separated so much it makes it hard to get into a good groove. -- IS HE THE ONE FOR ME?

DEAR IS HE: I'm glad you're in counseling because it's where you need to be right now. The questions you are asking me are ones you should be raising with your therapist.

Separation is part of a military marriage. I agree that for you and your husband to fix what's wrong with your marriage, he will need to be present and accounted for. I do not think you should make any decision about divorce until he returns from his deployment. But I do think that until he's back, if you cannot "curb your cravings," you should take every precaution you can against STDs.

DEAR ABBY: I divorced my wife eight years ago. But she still takes every opportunity to make me look bad in front of her family and mine.

I met someone recently, and we care deeply for each other. There are no marriage plans for the future, but I don't want to keep our relationship a secret. I'm reluctant to tell the family about her because of the fallout it may create, and for fear that my son and daughter may prevent me from seeing my grandchildren. My new lady is 19 years my junior, which won't help the situation. I am at a loss about what to do. Can you help? -- PANIC IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR PANIC: Eight years after your divorce it should surprise no one that you have finally met someone. Because your ex-wife's pattern of behavior all this time has been to try to make you look bad, your family should recognize it for what it is -- the reaction of an unhappy and bitter woman who would probably do the same thing even if you entered a monastery.

Live your life and don't let it be ruled by fear. You divorced your ex eight years ago, but fear is the ball and chain by which she still controls you.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who uses her elderly mother's handicap placard to park in handicap spots even when her mother is not in the car. My friend is able-bodied. I think this is wrong. Handicap parking spots should be reserved for people who truly need them. When she offers to drive me somewhere, how should I handle it? -- UNSURE IN CLEVELAND

DEAR UNSURE: A way to handle it would be to tell your friend how you feel about what she's doing and refuse to let her park in the handicap zone, or insist on doing the driving.

DEAR ABBY: Twelve years ago, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. It was a difficult pregnancy and delivery due to a medical condition my daughter was diagnosed with in the womb. The doctors let my husband and me know there could be problems during the delivery. We needed to make a decision. If things went wrong, we had to choose between my life and our daughter's life. I told my husband to pick her.

I can't stop thinking about how quickly my husband agreed to that decision! At the time, I was OK with his immediate reaction and loved him more for caring about our child. My kid is the light of my life, and jealousy plays no role in my emotions. I would want him to choose her again, but I don't understand why his swift agreement haunts me still. It makes me question our relationship and how much I really matter to him. -- HAUNTED IN TEXAS

DEAR HAUNTED: You may be viewing what happened from the wrong perspective. From where I sit, you told your husband what you wanted his choice to be, and because he loves you, he immediately agreed. I'm willing to bet that you are his world. I know few men who would wish to parent a child alone. You made the choice for your husband, and you are wrong to be second-guessing him after the fact.

DEAR ABBY: My wife doesn't think it's rude to talk -- or "whisper," as she calls it -- during movies. I don't want to see movies with her because of this. She says I don't understand because I am not a woman. I tell her being a woman has nothing to do with it. Talking during movies is just plain rude. We can go for dessert after a movie and discuss it. I'm not sure if you have any words of wisdom for her because she's too busy talking to listen to me. -- SILENT IN OHIO

DEAR SILENT: You and I are not the only ones who feel that when people talk and whisper in a theater, it's rude. Often when I go to films, a short message is posted on the screen before it begins requesting that the audience turn off their electronic devices and refrain from talking while it's running.

Because your wife refuses to keep quiet, have her see movies with a female friend who doesn't mind the distraction -- if she can find one. And as for you, if there's a movie you want to see, either go alone or with a buddy.

P.S. Please warn your wife that she is asking to be yelled at, cursed at or worse if she persists.

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for seven years from my 28-year-old daughter's father. She doesn't understand why I date and keeps asking me why I can't just stay single. She said if I do find a boyfriend, she'll refuse to meet him. She insists that if a man is in my life, he does not have to be in hers. This makes holidays and special events hard. What should I say to her? -- GETTING OPPOSITION IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR GETTING: You and your daughter are both adults. Tell her that you want to date and have companionship for the same reasons she does. Then point out that she does not have the right to dictate how you should live the rest of your life, and if she chooses not to meet someone who brings her mother happiness, it will be her loss and not yours.