DEAR ABBY: I am a diagnosed narcoleptic. Medication helps with the symptoms, but not entirely. I looked into alternative options and found a fantastic diet. I recently went on it with amazing results.

My dad's side of the family is Italian, and a huge part of the culture is food. During celebrations, it's considered offensive to refuse food, and my family has always looked down on diets. If a family member is on one, they'll argue that it's a special occasion and it's only for one day.

Abby, I'm exhausted at family gatherings. If I try to turn something down, I get attacked because "Grandma made it," or "It's your favorite and we made it for you." I have tried explaining to them that I don't want them to alter their dinner arrangements to accommodate me, but I should be allowed to forgo eating foods that will make me feel like a zombie. They just don't get it, and it has caused arguments. How do I re-open this discussion without offending anyone? -- PANICKED OVER PASTA

DEAR P. OVER P.: Do it before the celebration by calling your hosting family member and explaining that there are now foods you cannot eat because of your diagnosed medical condition. Explain that you know they would not feed certain foods to a diabetic, and you need the same dispensation. Ask them to kindly not put you in the embarrassing position of having to refuse their delicious food, and if they feel it will cause a problem, they should excuse you from the event.

DEAR ABBY: Six months ago, my friend "Lindy's" husband committed suicide. I have been there for her and understand it takes time, but I'm reaching my limit.

I make plans with her for dinners at our home and at restaurants and have planned various outings, because I know it's difficult to be in the house alone. However, she constantly manipulates, yells at me when she doesn't get her way, and uses the loss of her husband as a rationale for why I and others must do what she wants regardless of what's happening in our own lives, and expects us to tolerate this behavior.

Because of the circumstances, I have given her several passes on the disgusting behavior she has displayed, and have gently spoken up on some occasions when she went too far. She's pushing people away and quite vicious about it, but doesn't see that she's doing it to herself. How long must I tolerate her grieving process before enough is enough? -- CONFUSED IN NEW YORK

DEAR CONFUSED: Lindy is not only grieving the loss of her husband, but raging because of what caused it. She's a "survivor of suicide," and the conflicting emotions -- including anger and guilt -- she's carrying can make a person sick. If she isn't receiving grief counseling, urge her to find some before she destroys her support system entirely. When Lindy becomes manipulative or abusive, you are within your rights to call her on it and take a step back. For your own sake, you shouldn't continue to allow her to mistreat you.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter has graduated from high school. She had been in a residential treatment program for depression the year and a half prior to returning to this school. Her old friends had promised to be there for her when she returned.

After she was back for three months, her friends stopped inviting her to things and even talked behind her back in a group chat that was started by a different group. The girls' moms knew some of this was going on and did nothing about it. It has been a difficult journey for my daughter as well as for me.

Now that the girls have all graduated, I'm wondering if I should contact any of them or their moms and ask what happened. It was painful for me to watch my daughter go through weekends when her "friends" were out at parties she wasn't invited to. It was heartbreaking when no one came to her holiday or birthday parties. I am wondering if asking the girls/moms for an explanation can help my daughter learn from it. Please let me know what you think. -- MAMA BEAR OUT WEST

DEAR MAMA BEAR: Your daughter has survived high school, and along with it the cruel treatment of the girls who promised to befriend her. For that, I congratulate her.

Teenagers can be so completely centered on themselves that the feelings of others do not exist for them. Also, girls in high school tend to form cliques. Add to that the fact that there is so much misunderstanding about mental illness -- not only among teens but also adults -- and I have a pretty good idea of what happened and so should you.

What life lesson do you think exploring this with the other parents will accomplish for your daughter? Your efforts would be better spent by continuing to emotionally support her and encouraging her to move forward with her life.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's family is full of people who drink too much and then act like fools, slurring their words, stumbling and vomiting. It happens at many gatherings, and it stresses me out.

They often pressure me to drink more and/or get drunk. Because I don't do it, I feel ostracized at these gatherings where I'm told I need to "loosen up" or "cheer up" by drinking more. No one else in my life thinks I'm uptight. I'm normally very sociable.

These days, I avoid those family gatherings as often as possible, but I'm afraid I'm courting more problems by not participating in family activities. My relationship with my husband is fantastic, and he understands and supports me, but I don't feel like his family does. I've tried to be frank with them, but the conversations don't seem to stick. I can't avoid my husband's family forever. What to do? -- IN THE MINORITY IN LOUISIANA

DEAR MINORITY: Because you have told your in-laws that being urged to drink makes you uncomfortable yet they persist, you are doing all you can short of cutting off all contact with them. Continue to limit the times you attend those family events, and when asked about your absence, continue to be frank about the reason. Then hope they are sober enough to get the message when you deliver it.

DEAR ABBY: We have three grandchildren and are due to make our annual visit. Two of the children are easy to plan for, and we have good relationships with them. The third is a 12-year-old boy with Down syndrome, and we struggle with how to deal with him -- what to do and what to buy him. Any ideas? -- UNSURE IN THE SOUTH

DEAR UNSURE: The most important thing you can bring with you on your visit is a heart filled with love, and the determination that your grandson will know you love him. Spending one-on-one time together would make him feel special. Every child needs validation and affection on their journey toward adulthood. With the self-confidence it brings, Down syndrome children can live full and happy lives.

The questions you're asking me are ones your grandson's parents can answer for you. What he could use and various activities you can share should be easy questions for them to answer.

I have printed a wonderful poem on this subject in my column before. It was written by Edna Massimilla, and I think it is timely. Edna is 102 now and still as energetic and "with it" as ever. Read on:

HEAVEN'S VERY SPECIAL CHILD

A meeting was held so far from Earth.

It was the time for another birth.

The Angels said to the Lord above --

"This special child will need much love.

"For progress may be very slow,

"Accomplishment may never show.

"This special child will need much care

"From the people way down there.

"This child may not talk, run or play,

"And thoughts may seem so far away.

"In many ways will not try to adapt

"Known as 'disabled' and 'handicapped.'

"Please be careful where this one is sent.

"We want this child to be so content.

"O please, Lord, find the parents who

"Will do a very special job for You.

"They will not realize right away

"The leading role that they have to play.

"But with this child sent from above

"Comes stronger faith, and richer love.

"Soon they'll know the privilege given

"In caring for their gift from Heaven.

"Their precious child, so meek and mild

"Is Heaven's very special child."