DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are happily married, but have one serious problem. Our sleeping habits are incompatible. I am an extremely light sleeper; he is a horrendous snorer.

He sees a snoring specialist and tried several medical treatments, none of which worked. The only solution is a minor surgical procedure. He doesn't want to have the surgery. He insists he "sleeps fine," and says I'm the one with the problem.

I have tried earplugs, white noise machines, sleep medications and more, but I cannot get a decent sleep with the obnoxious snoring. He stays up much later than I do, and I enjoy sleeping in our master bedroom until he comes to bed. I usually get driven out of the room by the noise.

We agree we don't want to sleep in separate rooms and lose the intimacy, but it's the only option for me to sleep well. Neither of us wants to give up the master bedroom because it's the only one with an attached bathroom.

Am I wrong for asking him to have surgery so we can share a bed? And if he won't, who should get the master bedroom? -- SLEEPLESS IN LOUISIANA

DEAR SLEEPLESS: Let's be honest. By now your husband knows full well he doesn't "sleep fine." The reason for his reluctance is fear of the surgery. It wasn't wrong of you to ask, and out of consideration for you and the intimacy in your marriage he shouldn't have refused.

However, because he insists on coming into the master bedroom, which he knows wakes you, for the sake of your health, take the other bedroom. Understand, the "intimacy bed" does not always have to be the "sleeping bed." Good sleep quality is necessary for us to function properly.

DEAR ABBY: I have five grown children and three grandchildren. They have always come first, especially my grandchildren. When I began the relationship with my husband, I told him how important both were to me and that, no matter what, my grandchildren always came first. He agreed and said he felt the same way.

Now, two years into our marriage, my daughter and grandchildren want to come live with us for nine months while her husband is deployed. My husband is freaking out and keeps complaining every day even though they aren't even here yet. He has pushed me to my breaking point, and I am not sure what to do. I would never tell him that or act that way toward his children or grandchildren. I'm now considering divorce. What should I do? -- FAMILY FIRST IN THE SOUTH

DEAR FAMILY FIRST: I can't help but wonder how you would really feel if the shoe was on the other foot. Would you be as accommodating as you expect him to be, or would you be panicking, too?

Remind your husband that this is what he agreed to before your marriage, and point out that this isn't forever. It will be for only nine months. Tell him it will be an opportunity for him to get to know the grandkids and vice versa. Who knows? He might even enjoy it.

If he's still unhappy after a reasonable period of time after they arrive, then it may be time to discuss separating. But don't jump the gun.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I know a couple whose daughter has been our daughter's playmate since they were 3 months old. They are pleasant and welcoming. We all get along well and have gone to dinner, ball games and musicals together. However, when we go to their home for a gathering, the father will slip off with a few of his old friends and smoke pot on the back porch while the kids are playing inside. It's their home, and marijuana is legal in our state.

Their daughter's 4th birthday party took place last weekend, and once again, with numerous children running around, they slipped out for a toke before the cake was served. This may seem prudish, but I don't want my daughter in a situation where she might be exposed to this, or think that we think smoking marijuana is perfectly normal.

I enjoy spending time with this family, but I don't think I want to visit their home if this is what I can expect. What should we do? -- MYSTIFIED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MYSTIFIED: Because you prefer your little girl not be exposed to the kind of behavior you have observed in this couple's home, call a halt to her going there to play. Invite the other child to your home instead. If your friends ask why, explain it just as you explained it to me.

As parents, it's your job to protect her from influences you feel are not healthy or appropriate for her. Because pot is legal in your state, this will be something you may have to revisit again in the future.

DEAR ABBY: "Fred" and I have been in a relationship for 10 years. During that time he has broken up with me six times. It's always over something trivial, and it's always my job to smooth things over and get us back together.

When we are together we have a good time, but I never know when the next breakup will happen. I love Fred, and he claims to love me. What's your opinion of a man who constantly does this? -- PERPLEXED WIDOW IN FLORIDA

DEAR PERPLEXED: Fred may love you, but his definition of love and yours are different. He may be afraid of intimacy or not want to marry you -- which is why he breaks up with you when he feels you are getting too close.

If all you want is a good time, and you're willing to do all the work in the relationship, this may be enough for you. However, if it isn't, then 10 years is more than enough time to invest in someone who treats you the way Fred does.

DEAR ABBY: About five years ago, a co-worker married a woman with four kids. Now, all he does is talk about one of the kids or his wife. He tells anyone who will listen about them -- even total strangers.

When I pointed out to him a couple of years ago that he was constantly talking about one of the kids, he stopped for a week, and then started talking about another one. Lately it has been all about his wife. I'm sick of it. How do I tell him we're all fed up without damaging a 30-year friendship? -- STUMPED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR STUMPED: You can't. Obviously, the man's wife and children are the center of his life, and he may not have much else to talk about. Be grateful it isn't politics.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 23 years. A month ago, he slept with my daughter's best friend.

As soon as it happened, he told me what he'd done. He said he felt like I didn't love him anymore and admitted he made a mistake. I can tell he truly feels ashamed. Nonetheless I am hurting, confused, angry, and I can't stop having visions of the two of them together.

We are trying to make our marriage work. I love him, and I can't picture my life without him, but I can't stop torturing myself. I have to let this go if our marriage is going to work. Do you have any suggestions to help me with this? -- TORTURING MYSELF IN ALABAMA

DEAR TORTURING YOURSELF: Yes, I do have one. But before I offer it, let me point out that all of the emotions you are feeling are normal under the circumstances. Because you want to make your marriage work, with the help of a licensed marriage and family counselor, you and your husband should analyze what led to his infidelity. Your doctor should be able to refer you at the same time he or she gives you both the results of your STD examinations.

DEAR ABBY: We are good friends with a couple who have taken two very nice vacations a year for the last several years. We are all in our late 60s.

When they book their trips, they intentionally fail to include ground transportation to and from the airport. They rely on having friends take them. The airport is about 45 minutes from where we live. They never offer to cover gas or parking for the trips. I feel it's inconsiderate and poor manners. The wife is a very good friend. Her husband books the vacations, and she has to do the "begging."

My husband and I take a limo to the airport. None of us lack the money for vacations. We now just make excuses to not accommodate them. I would appreciate your opinion. Should we just tell them the truth? -- AGGRAVATED IN ATLANTA

DEAR AGGRAVATED: By all means tell your close friend the truth. And when you do, pass along the name and number of the limo company you use.

DEAR ABBY: My wife passed away six years ago. I have finally reached a point where I'm ready to not be alone anymore. The problem is I'm interested in one of her sisters. I love and care for the whole family, and it would devastate me to lose them by revealing it. Am I way off base to even think of pursuing it? Should I drop it or talk with her to find out her thoughts? Maybe I shouldn't try because it's not "normal," but I am interested in the possibility. -- FORBIDDEN LOVE IN TEXAS

DEAR FORBIDDEN LOVE: This situation isn't as unusual as you may think. In biblical times, when a woman lost her husband, it was expected that his brother would marry her. If your late wife's sister is single, tell her how you feel. You have known her long enough that those feelings may or may not be mutual -- but no law says you can't find out.