DEAR ABBY: I have been married to a wonderful man for 17 years. The drawback is he's a workaholic. We have not spent even one day together doing something fun in more than 10 years.

We both work full-time and live on a small farm. My husband is a carpenter. He collects tractors and works hay fields all summer long. Because he comes in late each evening, I often eat dinner alone. On weekends, he's working on his tractors or cutting and baling hay.

I do see him a bit more during the winter months, but he thinks it's a waste of time and money to go somewhere nice for dinner or take a weekend getaway. When I do travel, it is with my siblings because my husband prefers to stay home and work.

I love him, but I'm beginning to feel like I am not his top priority. I am lonely for his companionship. I just don't know how to handle this. He's pretty set in his ways. Help. -- WITHERING IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WITHERING: A husband who is unwilling to devote time to his wife doesn't sound "wonderful" to me. Perhaps you should consider having a snack after you return from work, so you can have dinner with him when he comes in.

You appear to have a communication problem. Tell him what you want, and don't be shy about it. Say you love him but need more of him than he has given you for a long time. He needs to know his wife feels she's playing second fiddle to his tractor collection. If he is unwilling to listen, then you will have to evaluate whether you want to spend the rest of your life "withering."

DEAR ABBY: I am married to a successful mental health professional, and I applaud how you recommend therapy or counseling when it is called for. I have noticed that some of your readers have written, "I tried it already, but it didn't work." To these people, my husband always says:

"Therapists are like shoes. Sometimes you need to try on a few before you find a good fit. And, like shoes, you can grow out of them and need new ones. Sometimes you need a more appropriate pair that matches a different lifestyle. (You wouldn't go running in high heels, or wear flip-flops to business meetings.)

"Ask to talk to potential therapists before hiring one. Ask questions. Get a feel for their personality and style. Ask how they might treat different issues and what types of therapy they practice, and inquire about sliding-scale fees if money is an issue. If a therapist's style doesn't match your needs, ask for a referral to someone else who might be a better fit."

Abby, please encourage your readers not to give up. There is help out there for everyone. -- MATT IN MARYLAND

DEAR MATT: I like your spouse's analogy and suggestions for finding a psychotherapist who's a good fit. Thank you for taking the time to write and share the wisdom.

DEAR ABBY: Our father died nine months after his diagnosis with cancer. Within six months of his funeral, our stepmother of 20-plus years had begun a new relationship. She sold her and Dad's home and belongings and moved across the country, leaving behind her children, stepchildren and grandchildren.

Although she promised to keep in touch with everyone, she hasn't. She has made no effort to reach out to her stepfamily over the last year and a half, not even her grandchildren. We are perplexed, as she claimed our father was the love of her life and she dearly loved her grandchildren.

A few of us tried contacting her during the first six months after she left, but she usually responded only to texts, and then with one-word answers. We realize she has moved on, but how could she cut all ties with those she supposedly cared for? What are we missing? What is it that we don't understand about being 60-something and widowed?

We feel abandoned and betrayed. We supported her in her decisions and her remarriage (which is the last time we had any contact with her). Please advise, Abby. -- BAFFLED OUT WEST

DEAR BAFFLED: Since you haven't had any meaningful contact with her since her remarriage, I suspect that her new husband has something to do with the silence. He may be controlling or discourages contact because he is threatened by the idea that she had a full life previously. It may also be that she prefers to devote her time and efforts to him and his relatives rather than dwell in the past.

I wish I had more information about her, but even without it, my advice is for you all to move on. It's impossible to maintain a relationship with someone who doesn't want one.

DEAR ABBY: I am a very open person, but one thing I am not open about is the STD I have been living with for the last few years. My ex didn't know he had it, and he gave it to me. Now free of him, I'm ready to date again, but I'm afraid of the judgment I may receive from potential partners.

I have heard all kinds of stigmatizing, dehumanizing and cruel comments about STDs, and I wonder to myself if people were better educated about this, maybe they wouldn't sound so ignorant. Unfortunately, I don't have the emotional strength to deal with rejection right now. So what I'm trying to ask is, how do I go about dating with an STI/STD? -- MOVING FORWARD IN MICHIGAN

DEAR MOVING FORWARD: According to the Centers for Disease Control nearly 20 million new sexually transmitted infections occur every year in this country, so please don't think you are alone. Knowing other individuals are going through what you are may help you to feel less isolated and stigmatized.

An excellent resource for you would be the American Sexual Health Association, which provides all sorts of reliable information for people with STIs/STDs. The website is ashastd.org, and it offers an online support community that may be helpful for you. There are also commercial dating sites and apps that cater to people with STIs and STDs. I encourage you to go online and find out which one may be the best fit for you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband tends to fight dirty, and I don't know how much more I can take. If we argue about some issue between us, he'll say something along the lines of, "This is why you have so much trouble with your colleagues at work." He knows this is a touchy subject, and it upsets me. I have ongoing issues with two work colleagues who give me the silent treatment for months over perceived (but not intentional) slights, and it causes me a lot of social isolation and anguish.

I'm upset that he brings this up when we argue to validate his point of view. Of course, this escalates our fights and eventually he apologizes. However, I know the next disagreement we have he'll resort to similar tactics.

We have tried counseling, but it's tough to fit into our busy schedules, and it never stopped him from resorting to personal attacks of character during our fights. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to forgive him, but I don't see the point since his apologies don't mean anything. Is there anything left for us to try before I throw in the towel? -- TOO TIRED TO FIGHT

DEAR TOO TIRED: As I see it, you have two issues to deal with. You have two "colleagues" at work who have ganged up on you and are creating a hostile work environment by giving you the silent treatment. They don't have to love you, but they do have to work cooperatively with you, which they aren't doing. You should report it to human resources or your boss, so it can be dealt with in a professional manner.

As to your husband and what he's been doing on the home front, tell him he has a choice -- make the time to work with a counselor and learn to fight fair or you will consult a lawyer about ending the marriage.

DEAR ABBY: I recently became friendly with a couple who lost their 40-year-old son six months ago. We have grown close over the last several months.

The issue is, as they are mourning the passing of their child, they have turned their home into a shrine. There are pictures of him in every room, etc. I know everyone handles grief differently, but this seems excessive, if not a little creepy.

I suggested they see a therapist, which they did, but only a couple of times. Believe it or not, they were told they were on the right track! Do you have any suggestions? -- FINDS IT DEPRESSING IN INDIANA

DEAR FINDS: I sure do! Stop judging that couple and expecting them to get over the loss of their child on your timetable. Their therapist has told them they are on the right track, and if you are going to continue to be a supportive friend, you must abandon your preconceptions about how they should deal with their loss. Be supportive. Listen when they need to talk. And when you can, give them positive messages that may lighten their load.