DEAR ABBY: I have been dating the most amazing man for the past 11 months. As we approach the one-year anniversary of the day we met, this "perfect" man is showing some not-so-perfect traits. I was unlucky in love for many years until he swept me off my feet. We have both become extremely close with each other's respective friends and family.

He's everything I have been searching for in a life partner and husband. But when he drinks, he confides his deep fears of dating me and enumerates each and every one of my relationship insecurities -- nagging, anxiety, loneliness, etc. The next day he acts like nothing happened! He swears up and down that it was the alcohol talking and he doesn't mean any of the harsh words he spoke the night before.

Should I believe him? Please don't let me be the naive girl traveling down a dark rabbit hole. -- SELF-CONSCIOUS GIRLFRIEND

DEAR GIRLFRIEND: Your "amazing" man appears to be a loose-lipped lush. Not knowing him, I can't guess the degree to which he blacks out when he's been drinking. Some alcoholics don't remember what happened the night before. Others simply don't want to remember, so they claim amnesia.

Regardless of how you feel about him, for your own well-being, draw the line and tell him he needs to stop drinking. If he's as alcohol-dependent as I suspect he is, he will give you an argument or an outright refusal. And that's your cue to tell him if he wants a future with you, he will have to make a choice.

DEAR ABBY: My in-laws are angry that I have declined to host them over the holidays this year. My husband is never helpful. When company comes, he sits on his mobile phone while I do everything. I told his parents I can't have them over because all the responsibility falls on me. My "no" should suffice, but my mother-in-law hopes to argue me into hosting.

We don't have children because I knew I would end up raising them alone. I don't want the in-laws here "hinting" that they need us to help them when my husband won't lift a finger.

I recently became disabled, and my in-laws keep pressuring me to share my diagnosis with them. They think I should cheerfully do all the work of hosting them as a way to fight my disability!

They are extremely nosy. I am now blocking her calls. I know they will spend their time here trying to get a look at my medications and any financial information left out. What else can I do? -- UNMERRY IN LOUISIANA

DEAR UNMERRY: You should all try to achieve a workable compromise, if that's possible. Ask your MIL if she's prepared to take some of the responsibility off your shoulders if she and her husband visit. Suggest they stay in a hotel or motel rather than burden you. And your husband (their son) should back you up on this.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 27 years and have three wonderful kids. The youngest is 16.

I recently found out I may have another son from a relationship prior to my marriage. The woman never notified me or asked for child support. I found out through someone else a couple of months ago and, thanks to social media, was able to find him and look at his picture. He looks exactly like I did 25 years ago.

The problem is, when I mentioned it to my wife, she did not want to discuss the possibility. She acts like nothing happened and asked me not to bring it up again. What would you recommend in a situation like this? Should I say nothing and let it be, or risk ruining my marriage? -- VACILLATING IN VIRGINIA

DEAR VACILLATING: I find it interesting that someone would know you possibly had another son all this time and didn't say anything sooner. If it's true, the young man might like to know, if only so he can have a complete familial medical history.

I don't see how establishing the truth could "ruin" your marriage unless your wife is self-centered and immature. However, rather than suddenly appear out of nowhere with the news, it might be better to reach out to the woman you had the relationship with, tell her what the friend told you and ask her if it's true.

If she concealed the information from her son or from the man who raised him, possibly thinking the boy was his, it could be traumatic for everyone concerned. So, if you do decide to move forward on this, explain that if it's true, you think it might be in her son's best interests to know.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, a widow, started going out with men she meets on dating websites last year. She has three children; the youngest is 10. She has a full-time job and doesn't smoke, drink or use drugs. She goes out five to seven times a week.

I have all the responsibility for the children's care, school, church, laundry, cooking, etc. I'm feeling very overburdened. While I don't mind doing all these things, I feel taken advantage of. Am I wrong or is it now normal for a mother to go out that much? When she's home, she's constantly checking her texts and social media. Please advise. -- USED IN TEXAS

DEAR USED: You are a caring, loving, responsible mother and grandmother. However, you are also an enabler. You are allowing yourself to be used.

Your daughter appears to be immature and centered entirely on herself. It is not "normal" for a mother to be out socializing as often as your daughter is. To ignore her children in favor of social media to the extent that you described is neglectful. You are entitled to a life of your own, so stop doing your daughter's job as much as you have been and start doing some things for yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 30 years. Although my husband and I are both positive people, we have not had a happy marriage.

He leads the life of a bachelor, including sex with other women and unilateral decision-making. He's outgoing, generous and well-liked. I'm a homebody who often feels lonely and rejected.

Outsiders would be surprised at the true nature of our relationship. We have been to counseling, but it didn't help. Why do I stay in this marriage? What's wrong with me? Are there others like me? -- INCREDULOUS IN INDIANA

DEAR INCREDULOUS: You wouldn't have stayed married to your husband if you didn't derive some benefit from it. Because counseling didn't change the dynamic between you and your husband doesn't mean you shouldn't have some independently.

Your problem may be lack of self-esteem or fear of being alone, a problem shared by many women in dysfunctional marriages. If you're sincere about finding the answers to your questions, they await you in the office of a licensed therapist.

DEAR ABBY: My older sister recently passed away after a 22-year battle with lupus. She beat the odds for so long, and even gave us the miracle that is her son.

Logically, I understand that medically there was nothing left the doctors could do, but emotionally I feel like I killed her because I went along with the doctors. Is it normal to feel this guilt?

I have nightmares every night now because I hear her last words. I see how she was both on and off life support. When I make myself eat, I overeat. But honestly, I could easily go back to never eating like I did before. Is all of this normal for the grief process? -- FEELING GUILTY IN OREGON

DEAR FEELING GUILTY: Yes, what you're experiencing is normal -- to a degree. However, if the nightmares and feelings of guilt persist, discuss them with a grief counselor or a religious adviser.

You alluded to having "gone along with the doctors." If by that you mean you agreed that your sister should receive palliative care at the end, you did her a favor, not a disservice.

DEAR ABBY: I dated this woman for almost a year. It ended when she gave me an ultimatum: convert to her religion or walk. She is Pentecostal, and I am Catholic. We are both deeply rooted to our own churches.

A few months have gone by. She still has deep feelings for me, but I don't know if I feel the same way because of her ultimatum. One of us must convert or we won't be able to move forward. But there are big differences between the two religions. What should I do? -- CONVERTING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CONVERTING: Because you are deeply rooted in your Catholicism and no longer sure you feel the same way about her, let her go so she can find a good Pentecostal husband. Religion is something a person must believe in, not switch to please someone else. There are plenty of fish in the sea for both of you, so keep fishing.