DEAR ABBY: I am an unemployed (and looking) 24-year-old male who is the oldest of four. My three sisters are a 20-year-old who has a part-time job and goes to college, a 14-year-old and a 12-year-old. We all live at home with our physician parents.

Our longtime cleaning lady recently quit, and my parents seemingly have no interest in hiring a replacement. My sisters and my father don't help with the chores because they are seen as either too young or too busy. At most, they will unload groceries or assist in cooking a meal. My mother encourages this and does a fair amount of the work herself, but she has a job, so I'm frequently told to handle the dishes, cooking, pickups and drop-offs for after-school activities, garbage and recycling, groceries, miscellaneous errands (usually picking up things at the pharmacy) and occasional child care.

I get no sympathy or help. My sisters don't even bother to rinse their plates properly. They just leave them piled in the sink for someone else, and my mother recently yelled at me for "giving her attitude" when I hadn't said a word.

This situation is making it harder for me to get a job because I'm tired all the time, and my parents don't listen to a word I say. I'm not unaware of the fact that as the oldest, more is expected of me, but I think this is well past the point of what's expected. What should I do? -- OVERWORKED IN NEW YORK

DEAR OVERWORKED: Start reviewing your options. The first thing you need to do is understand why you are unemployed. If there are no openings in your field, start considering other kinds of jobs you may be suited for.

If you want to be something more than an unpaid domestic worker, you may have to figure out what it will take for you to live on your own -- perhaps with a roommate or two. Even if you don't find the ideal job, employment will solve your problem because you will be too busy working to do the things you're being required to do now.

DEAR ABBY: I am getting married soon, and I'm thrilled to have found love. I have ex-co-workers I want to be there. I also have longtime friends who still work with me. The problem is they gossip at work all the time. I know if they attend my wedding, there will be trouble in my work life and friendships.

How can I tell them not to gossip at work about who was at my wedding or who I excluded? How can I tell them this is my day and I should be able to have the pleasure of being surrounded by friends and loved ones without worrying about attendees being mean? Please help. -- TIRED OF GOSSIP

DEAR TIRED: You are focusing on the wrong thing. Concentrate on enjoying your special day. You can't control what other people will or will not do. If you are asked after the wedding why someone was absent, respond that budgetary limitations prevented you from including everyone you would have liked to invite. If you do, it will appear to be less of a popularity contest.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is divorced. His ex's name is tattooed on his arm. Although I don't like it, I realize that it was long ago and before I came into the picture.

As we have grown closer over the last two years, I'm often tempted to ask him to have it removed or covered up. I think it's tacky, and I don't like it at all. I know I can't demand he remove it, but would a gentle request do? Or should I wait until I have more of a formal status in his life? -- LOOKING AWAY IN THE SOUTH

DEAR LOOKING AWAY: Tattoo removal isn't as easy as waving a magic wand and presto! -- it's gone. The process can take several sessions, can be quite painful, and it must be done by a professional. If this is so important to you that you would put him through that, then ask him nicely. When you do it is up to you. You could jokingly ask him to have a circle with a diagonal line through it added to his ex's name.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend of 25 years just got engaged. I suspect her fiance is gay or there's something seriously wrong with him. They have been dating for eight months and he hasn't once tried to have sex with her. He has used every excuse under the sun as to why (bad back, tired, etc.).

He recently proposed to her in a public place in front of his family. I don't think he knows the real her, and I don't think she understands the serious implications of her decision to marry him when sexual intimacy was so important to her before. She once told me she would not marry a man without first having sex with him, and that a sexless life is her biggest fear. I feel I should speak up as her best friend. Should I? -- SEEING RED FLAGS IN GEORGIA

DEAR SEEING: Yes. And when you do, urge her to get into premarital counseling with her fiance. During the sessions, matters like sex, finances and child-rearing should be discussed so there won't be any "surprises" later. Repeat your suggestion, if necessary, until she reaches the altar. Let's hope she listens to you because his fatigue and bad back won't magically disappear after they say "I do."

DEAR ABBY: A little backstory before my question. I am 39 and the mother of three beautiful daughters, ages 18, 12 and 8. I am getting a divorce. It's an amicable one (thank goodness), and my girls are doing pretty OK with the news.

During this last year, I graduated with my AA degree. I am very proud of the achievement, but have never had a celebration. Would it be in bad taste to have a housewarming, graduation and almost-40 birthday party (my birthday is on a major holiday, and my friends are usually busy doing other things that night) and ask for gifts for my new house and the girls' bedrooms? -- CELEBRATING IN IDAHO

DEAR CELEBRATING: A party would be wonderful because you have much to celebrate. Send invitations describing it as a "housewarming, graduation celebration and 40th birthday party," but do NOT mention gifts on the invitation. If someone asks about it, feel free to tell the person. But to ask for gifts on an invitation is a no-no.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating the most amazing man for the past 11 months. As we approach the one-year anniversary of the day we met, this "perfect" man is showing some not-so-perfect traits. I was unlucky in love for many years until he swept me off my feet. We have both become extremely close with each other's respective friends and family.

He's everything I have been searching for in a life partner and husband. But when he drinks, he confides his deep fears of dating me and enumerates each and every one of my relationship insecurities -- nagging, anxiety, loneliness, etc. The next day he acts like nothing happened! He swears up and down that it was the alcohol talking and he doesn't mean any of the harsh words he spoke the night before.

Should I believe him? Please don't let me be the naive girl traveling down a dark rabbit hole. -- SELF-CONSCIOUS GIRLFRIEND

DEAR GIRLFRIEND: Your "amazing" man appears to be a loose-lipped lush. Not knowing him, I can't guess the degree to which he blacks out when he's been drinking. Some alcoholics don't remember what happened the night before. Others simply don't want to remember, so they claim amnesia.

Regardless of how you feel about him, for your own well-being, draw the line and tell him he needs to stop drinking. If he's as alcohol-dependent as I suspect he is, he will give you an argument or an outright refusal. And that's your cue to tell him if he wants a future with you, he will have to make a choice.

DEAR ABBY: My in-laws are angry that I have declined to host them over the holidays this year. My husband is never helpful. When company comes, he sits on his mobile phone while I do everything. I told his parents I can't have them over because all the responsibility falls on me. My "no" should suffice, but my mother-in-law hopes to argue me into hosting.

We don't have children because I knew I would end up raising them alone. I don't want the in-laws here "hinting" that they need us to help them when my husband won't lift a finger.

I recently became disabled, and my in-laws keep pressuring me to share my diagnosis with them. They think I should cheerfully do all the work of hosting them as a way to fight my disability!

They are extremely nosy. I am now blocking her calls. I know they will spend their time here trying to get a look at my medications and any financial information left out. What else can I do? -- UNMERRY IN LOUISIANA

DEAR UNMERRY: You should all try to achieve a workable compromise, if that's possible. Ask your MIL if she's prepared to take some of the responsibility off your shoulders if she and her husband visit. Suggest they stay in a hotel or motel rather than burden you. And your husband (their son) should back you up on this.